Glancing out at the beautiful city skyline my only question is are you raised by cool white vs warm white lightbulb people or do you just become cool white without even noticing it one day? #warmwhite

For every kid that ever asked the teacher, but why do we have to read this stuff? They were trying to prepare you.

They say the truth hurts. This hurts a lot.

Definitely putting this on my godchildren

Still shocked by how many people think invading Venezuela would be “good for them.” Like it’s a gas coupon war. This is for the 1%, not you. No cheaper gas. Just richer billionaires. Absolute morons.

It’s a different timeline when your feed is full of lust reels debating Alien vs Predator and who you’d take to bed first. Somewhere along the way, the villains became the most eligible bachelors.

New Jersey is not for the weak.

Is America Great yet? It certainly seems to be working out for billionaires this year.

I’m going to miss the MetroCard. Rich, poor, young, old, every New Yorker had one in their pocket. One small piece of plastic that said we all lived in the same city. One thing we actually had in common.

Tonight when you’re popping bottles and absolutely not drinking and driving, remember: we’re celebrating New Year’s at the wrong time of year thanks to Julius Caesar. Spring made way more sense, but bureaucracy won. Cheers anyway.

Six women take a Bezos-funded joyride to space as marketing, come back, call themselves astronauts, then say they’re being harassed. Maybe stop with the astronaut cosplay and admit it was an ad. People respect honesty more than branding.

Everyone’s saying RIP MTV because they “won’t play music videos anymore.” But maybe hold them accountable for ushering in the reality TV era instead. That was the real death spiral. Culture has not been better for it.

When people ask what my mantra was during the Trump years.

The stress of being 1%

Well, that teachable moment came around pretty quick. Actions have consequences.

Watching car salesmen days before year end baffled that sales have been down for 3 to 4 months. The cars are worse, cost twice as much, wages are half what they were, and you want $700 a month to lease. Nobody’s making money. Of course no one’s buying. It won’t be better in 2026. Any guesses why?

I will never understand people who refused to wear a mask for COVID but are now crying about Flu A and a mysterious virus going around. Masks were never about fear. They were about not sharing your germs. Mask up and wash your hands

If you wanna start a fun little holiday fight with racist Uncle Dave

Canadian efficiency. Why have eight reindeer when you can just have one moose helping Santa out.

I kind of enjoy how the French and now Italians are losing their minds over Emily in Paris “destroying” their culture. Welcome to the feeling Americans get every time a European actor attempts an American accent and becomes a regional mystery no state can claim.

Until the end of time, even after the oceans run dry, it is and always will be the Kennedy Center and the Gulf of Mexico.

New rule: do not start TikTok rumors about the orange one dying. It gives people false hope, drives clicks, and then crushes what little optimism is left when it’s not true. That kind of bait isn’t harmless.

Why does it feel like we can’t even trust this?

And still millions will travel to the US for the World Cup despite the warnings

Trump is so riddled with dementia and insecure. They put Trump affirming plaque beneath the portraits of other presidents to try to make him feel superior.

Nothing sums up America like 2 survivors of the Brown Uni shooting who had already survived shootings in high school. We are racing toward a reality where kids experience multiple school shootings before they graduate college. Name - BFA, Valedictorian and two time school shooting survivor.

And just like that, not one of these businesses gets my money ever again. I mean, obviously we’re boycotting Target but the rest can suck an egg.

We wouldn’t want people understanding the words that come out of his mouth or anything

This seems so on point

Big announcement from Gov. Newsom:

I would argue were already there

This is the only thing on my list this year

WTF Rest In Peace Rob

It blows my mind that until now people thought Brigitte Macron was a girls girl. We have to stop pretending there aren’t male centering women on this planet.

I wish I had Cory Booker’s confidence. After bombing the last primary and dodging questions about AIPAC money, he seems convinced marriage alone reset his record. I’m pretty sure he now sees himself as the Democrats’ #1 2028 contender.

In Trump further attempts to make the World Cup even worse, the Village People Trump‘s favorite band will be one of the headlining performers of the 2026 World Cup.

Six years ago today what we know now as COVID-19 started. It feels like it’s been so much longer than six years.

A friend just sent me the perfect meme

RIP Jimmy

People are mad that they whitewashed Heathcliff. But let’s also remember that Catherine dies by 18. She was a child for all of it.

If you’re in Paramus New Jersey tomorrow (Nov 20th), check out a dear friend and a fabulous first time author.

Now this is how you get people’s attention during boycotting season

47 8 42

Restaurants love to cry scam when influencers burn them, but they’re happy to hire the same ones to sell us fake hype every day. At what point do we hold the restaurants accountable for feeding the machine they complain about?

Hillary Duff helping us process our grooming trauma was not on my 2025 bingo card.

If you’re gonna start sh$t online, remember the internet has a memory like an elephant on espresso. Folks will scroll back to your 2009 Twilight-era tweets and bring receipts. Nothing truly disappears out here. The internet is forever, babe.

And then a hero comes along… Thank you Turkey!

Just because the register at the grocery store says things are more expensive don’t believe the lies. Just pay more and ignore your increasing debt. Somewhere in the world, there’s a Trump supporter who’s actually gonna believe this BS

Why do the British curse us with just 3 to 5 outstanding episodes per season? No idea if the show is ever gonna have a season 2. Why?!?!!!

Yes!!!!! This is such a wonderful moment in history.