Using my burlesque tips to buy big girl’s first ear piercings today!

If this data doesn’t start adding up to my predetermined conclusion tout suite!

this is so beautiful and also it makes you think (assuming you have a curious mind)

They should invent coffee that brings itself to my princess blanket cocoon

9 left her princess blanket on the couch so I’m fixing to be max cozy

I want to enter this building, but there's this creepy stork-giraffe wandering around the gate 😑

One thing about me, if I see a show poster I am going to repost it PERIOD. I might have mutuals in your city, producing is hard.

Used to cover up chigger bites with mom’s nail polish. There was one time when that was *very* interesting. Looked like a ladybug.

Core redneck child memory

Hahaha this is my favorite post today

Just a few hours left to snag a ticket to Unleashed: STUFFED! It's Brooklyn Pet Play weekend, and I'm DJing the opening party. Come mosh with your fellow pups to funky and sultry beats... and then get STUFFED! forbiddentickets.com/events/unlea...

The discourse of the day has had me remembering that 14/15 is when men older than my dad started hitting on me and I didn’t get it because I was a kid. Splitting hairs about age is nasty work.

It is high past time for the Democrats to go full-send on a rampaging, ferocious, fire and brimstone anti-corruption push. The people thirst for it.

Every single sentence in my six year old’s homework contains the words labubus.

New rule nobody is allowed to declare anything bisexual without running it by me first.

Wait that means it’s nine years since I started wearing winged liner to deliver babies! Wet and wild breakup proof liquid eyeliner is the GOAT.

You mean to tell me the heavens literally aligned to give my firstborn the aurora borealis for her birthday and there are CLOUDS?! The audacity.

LEAST FAVORITE POST TODAY, these clouds better scoot! I have a birthday child!

There should be a day between Wednesday and Thursday where we all get to work on hobbies and nap

I want a nap and an extra day in the week.

Women in ties and suspenders

The fastest way to catch a block is to follow me with a weird profile.

As the continuing reigning queen of wearing makeup in high stress activities, let me present “after six hours of continuous waterslides until the youngest fell asleep”

🍭

How long before they try to stuff AI into that whole ATC job?

Nothing more vindicating than the exhausted, fussy child finally passing out.

Available evidence says the microplastics have condensed into sequins in my bloodstream.

This is my favorite post today, I know nothing about the boat I’m just cracking up at the mental image of a small boy licking the very serious exhibit.

This is my Chinese cave gecko. It caves less than the Democrats.

Nobby’s right!

Quite possibly the most gorgeous woman ever alive. (Alt text: Lili St Cyr in a black cropped jacket with no shirt pointing a sword towards the viewer. She has black pumps and I think a handkerchief in lieu of a skirt. Her face is perfect, because she’s Lili St Cyr.)

I am truly in my element today (waterslides mom)

you know what really pisses me off about this whole shutdown thing. at NO point did the Democrats mobilize their HUGE fundraising apparatus to raise money for people who needed help. all the cavers are saying that people in their states needed help. ok. why didn't you help them get any?

Schumer did not vote for the man who won the democratic primary in his own damn city but go ahead, king. The party is rotten and must be replaced.

Democrats in office need to know: all of us with very few exceptions want all of you with very few exception to lose your god damn jobs because you refuse to do them.

The only thing that could save this party in my eyes is if tomorrow morning EVERY SINGLE YES VOTE IS EJECTED FROM THE PARTY.

If you ever feel like you are not good enough at your job, just remember: you are better than Chuck Schumer at his.

If Cory votes for this I will primary him myself, I cannot believe this shit.

So, listen, call Schumer’s office no matter where you live, no matter if you’re registered to vote. Leave a voicemail that says if Senate Dems cave without an ACA premiums fix, you will never vote for or donate to another Senate Democrat as long as he is Leader

True manly men only have sex with other manly men. Then afterwards they cuddle and talk about War.

Really pretty time of year to drive through the mountains!

I want to be the spotlight on your disco ball.

This is my favorite post today because I did need the reminder.

I’m thinking a lot of big thoughts about how I dance burlesque right now because I’ve been invited to teach a class at my local studio, and I’m going to accept once I have a lesson plan I feel good about!

Nothing makes me appreciate preaching as public performance more than sending dance videos to my dad. He never has anything but compliments for me but I see all my mistakes and I remember how he used to drag himself after service.

Before kids/after kids

If someone objects to laughter during sex, leave them

Took a new adult jazz class and now I’m motivated to pull my cowgirl act out from the project pile.

women who serve cunt? yes yes they do get degrees.

We can pay for it by nationalizing all of Elon Musk’s money and have enough left over to do Medicaid for everyone in the country as a baseline.