No thanks, I already have a mirror

At the point of the fantasy football season where you’re poking around the available player scrap pile to see if anyone accidentally left a Saquon Barkley under some sticks

It was nice of him to draw this picture of me

At Home is just an unboxed version of the Amazon warehouse decor section right

reply guys emerging from their hole for a busy day of being weird at strangers

A piece of plastic blew under the wheels of my bike, causing a classic ass over teakettle wreck, except I somehow managed to execute a perfect tuck roll and ended up standing and completely unscathed (and moderately discombobulated) I couldnt pull it off again if my life depended on it

Tashikametan is a turtle who promotes the Labor Standards Bureau. He uses a scope attached to his mask to check employers are being fair. He’s a surprisingly fast runner, but because his shell is heavy, he can’t get up if he falls backwards.

Every time I make the Serious Eats chicken tortilla soup, I double the amount of chicken in it—that’s right, three pounds of chicken thighs—and somehow Mr. Miles! manages to eat the entire thing in one night, I’m starting to think he has a secret twin

MY WORKOUT WAS ACTUALLY PLEASANT AND I ENJOYED IT (EXCEPT FOR THE DEFICIT LUNGES, THEY ARE A SCOURGE UPON THE EARTH)

Introduced one of my friends to the concept of the poptart bowl, she is ALL IN

When I said I needed to give the basil a haircut, I did not take into account that the basil is the size of a large shaggy dog

Not a fan of this Amazon ad shaming dad for wearing short shorts, I am staunchly pro-free the hams

Again, the average person is far, far more strange than you think Just a planet full of weirdos

You know the jam is good when it comes with a paper ordering form with an option to pay by check (The jam is very good)

Making a list ✅ Checking it twice ✅✅ Breathing heavily because it’s six weeks til Christmas and I have HOW many presents I need to make why do I do this to myself every year ✅✅✅

I will never wear lifting gloves. If I shake a man's hand, I want him to know right then and there that I can deadlift him

Mutuals if you are in the market for a free-to-a-good-home Barbour vest, let me know

This is something that is said by someone who has no idea how much effort it takes to organize a holiday open house

It’s almost Snack Ham season, plan accordingly

I’m sorry but one election and New York has dragons now??? Come onnnnn

Popeyes’ roulette: 3 tenders ✅ (not spicy ❌) Biscuit ✅ Two orders of fries and multiple sauces that are not what I ordered ⁉️⁉️⁉️

Again why are there not more opportunities for communal singing and drinking and eating in American life Like bring back that medieval feasting lifestyle

Any excuse to post the not particularly majestic Arkansas- Monticello Boll Weevils logo

Ryan Reynolds? From A Guy A Girl and a Pizza Place?

Rules.

Goodbye to all that

What is with this midwestern ass pepper shaker

When I say I don't want to have kids but I still want to be involved in their lives, this is what I mean

*Technically* not violating the family rule about not playing in cemeteries after dark

Anyway please enjoy this Maurice Jennings chapel

I swear, Sewanee is like one of those British TV shows where you can’t tell what decade it is. 2025? 1995? Anything is possible

Surprised! By How Spicy the Airport Spicy Tofu Is

Teenager in fox ears in this flight, I repeat, teenager in fox ears on this flight

I was pretty lucky after Hurricane Katrina and the aftermath still turned my life upside down for almost a year … If you have space, these folks are going to need so much help

Our Traditional Parties were Ghost Roast, Elf Roast, Goat Roast and … Toga

I wanna hear your cringiest Halloween memory Tell me about the time you went as Bee Girl / B-girl and nobody got it I wanna hear about when you wore some slutty costume specifically for one dude and he was completely oblivious* *clearly I have never done this

Fun fact, Americans don’t have tea towels, they just wipe their hands on the nearest piece of furniture

My uncle had a pet bat as a child

Great moments in lawyering: accidentally notarized my own hand yesterday

you can get $300 when you bet $5 on draftkings using promo code INTEGRITY

I assume if you find the missing keys and put them in their slots, it reveals a chest containing an upgraded Kingdom Hearts keyblade

Jesus we’re getting so far into fantasy football injury season that I had to pick up Spencer Rattler

Have some serotonin. You’ve earned it.

FINE

What a time to be alive

Current Miles! is displeased with Past Miles! for agreeing to judge four hours of law school moot court competition tonight 😭😭😭

Stretch goal (check back in 3 - 5 years): Patrick Nagel stained glass

Stained glass project number three

ReX Ryan is literally what should have happened when the WWE decided to give a wrestler a gimmick called The Coach

By far the best thing about social media is getting to see how weird the average person actually is