I have purchased something ridiculous

lol out of context

Troy Aikman lookin ass right there

May the 4th be with you(r baby).

Our local Hardee’s closed down and it was literally a minor scandal that the parrains didn’t know where to go at 5:30am anymore

Me: so is Wario also just a rational, political animal? Or is there something about being the inverted version of another man that would cause him to have a different ontology Aristotle: an interesting question. How does he achieve his eudaemonia? Me: coins I think. Not too sure actually

I am 45 and this dress is too short and I simply 🎵 do not care anymore 🎵, I think this means I am just a few short years from my leopard print caftan era

This is kind of like the lawyer version of “at long last we have asked the Forbidden Question, from the book “Dont Ask the Forbidden Question”

To trial lawyers, this kind of cross examination is like snorting ecstasy

Back on my bullshit

One of my neighbors has the last name of Pope, and they keep missing their FedEx package so the delivery driver apparently has time on their hands

FINE I DID NOT SKIP LEG DAY

I don’t need this amount of horny or this amount of feet on my wine thanks

Do … do you think they know what kuru is

The Fifth Element is better than it has any right to be

Neuromuncher, that should be. Weekly podcast wherein I describe my favorite snacks and local snackeries.

Oh

Good morning, five other people who share my overlapping interests. I am awake and ready to make your niche jokes for three likes

Like I swear to god who thought this was a good idea

“You’re on my like, Mount Rushmore of [professional specialty]”

I should buy a boat

Me every five minutes on this trip: what the hell kind of car is that

Apparently I came to a French département solely to buy the good sunscreen; please do not ask me how many euros I have dropped on La Roche Posay thank you

My trainer complimented my lats and nobody can say shit to me today???

I did, in fact, see everyone I know

Ah yes, love to see the myth of Atalanta and the Golden Hashbrowns commemorated like this

Anyway I have been teasing some of the bros at my gym about how they are large but they aren’t scary and today they decided to start the “positive masculinity society” so they can wear hats that say PMS and chest bump each other whenever they have a good lift

Decided I am going to take a little social media break starting this weekend—not sure how long it will last If you don’t already have my contact info and you want to keep up (ie I will text you so many memes), just let me know!!

Some lady just rolled down her car window to tell me I am “so pretty” so I’m gonna be riding that high for the rest of the day