THE Burger King
@aburgeraday.bsky.social
📤 2800
📥 360
📝 1430
Semi-talented mimic. That cargo space guy.
pinned post!
Everyone else is doing it, so I might as well do it too.
go.bsky.app/ERJL1qL
add a skeleton here at some point
about 1 year ago
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I may talk a big game, but there's nothing Super Bowl about me.
about 13 hours ago
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THE Burger King
Hadas Weiss
1 day ago
if you think you’re excited about this job opening just imagine how the inside candidate must be feeling
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THE Burger King
Boss: What are we doing out here? Me: I'm showing you where I buried the led. Boss: It's "lede". You bury the lede. Do you hear muffled screaming? Me (digging): Yeah, it's Robert Plant.
about 1 year ago
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A phnom de plume is a Cambodian penh name.
about 1 year ago
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Ygrene
6 days ago
[wife holding box of mac & cheese] the powder packet is missing, weird [me holding large glass of what looks like orange milk] that is weird
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Closing 2 years for renovations is the new "YOU CAN'T QUIT, YOU'RE FIRED!"
7 days ago
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Swim Jeans 👖
about 1 year ago
My neighbor Randy saw his shadow today so it looks like we’ll be experiencing six more weeks of drunken front yard kung fu
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Why do we call them loan sharks and not persons of interest?
about 1 year ago
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF
9 days ago
Me: Sometimes I'll call my calf muscles my mooscles lol Personal trainer: *crying* I will literally pay you to find somebody else to do this
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When you finish the coffee.
11 days ago
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slate
14 days ago
just got off the phone with the irs they said file whatever you want this year nobody’s checking
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If it doesn't kill you, it's probably a placebo.
14 days ago
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Ygrene
17 days ago
[dating a rodeo clown] *every time i go in for a kiss she dodges me and then hams it up for the crowd*
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Octopus/Caveman
19 days ago
Guy at work farted in the office so bad that we all cleared out and when we had a meeting about how people need to go outside to fart from here on, absolutely nobody laughed or even smiled. It was a fart so bad it made the entire concept of farts unfunny for all of us
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d.ly
about 1 month ago
every seat in a movie theater should have an "I have to pee" button and if enough people press it they should be able to pause the movie
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Damnit Janet
23 days ago
Kinda sucks that the first thing everyone wants to know when you're born is how much you weigh
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[Hogwarts Culinary School] Hermione: How did you do that? Harry: I just said, "Garnish my steak." Ron: Blimey, Harry, you're a Parsleymouth!
about 1 year ago
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If it weren't for all the facial hair at the Golden Globes, I never would have known about Januhairy.
27 days ago
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What she says: "I washed three loads of our laundry." What she means: "I washed three loads of my laundry and a pair of your boxers."
28 days ago
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I put the horrific in honorific.
about 1 month ago
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THE Burger King
shauna
about 1 month ago
em dashes have long been a common punctuation mark and no more an indication of AI than anything else
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When redheads have tooth plaque, it's called gingervitis.
about 1 year ago
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THE Burger King
Lostcatdog
about 1 month ago
All my problems will be solved if I eat healthy for the 24 hours preceding my bloodwork
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THE Burger King
BEAVE
about 1 month ago
I want to be muzzled at all times like Hannibal Lecter so people are too afraid to talk to me.
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THE Burger King
frovo
about 1 month ago
i hope this email finds you orwellian
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New Year's Resolution
about 1 month ago
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THE Burger King
Pessimus Prime
about 1 month ago
Doc Brown: Where we're going, we don't need roads [Later] Marty: This is the train station
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Sorry guys, 2026 won't be official until after next week's recount is complete.
about 1 month ago
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It's so cold in NYC on New Year's Eve that it's nothing short of a miracle that ANY balls drop.
about 1 month ago
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2026 is just two minutes old, but my teen is already bored.
about 1 month ago
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THE Burger King
Mr. Bea Arthur, Batshit Crazy™️
about 1 month ago
I think we can all agree that the wealthy want to improve the lives of everyone and not just them.
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If the Swedish Chef had a bakery in Diagon Alley, it would be called Borkin 'N' Borks.
about 1 month ago
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THE Burger King
Netflix: We would like to have a one-night run of the Stranger Things finale in your theaters. AMC, Cinemark, Regal, etc.: We would be delighted to show it in our smallest theaters with our crappiest projectors!
2 months ago
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Wife: What's with all these colanders? Me: For our strainer things party. Wife: I said stranger. Me: 20 different colanders aren't strange enough?
over 1 year ago
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THE Burger King
andy vs.
about 1 month ago
You should be able to rev your shopping cart at people in the grocery store
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your new dad
about 1 year ago
wife: were you even listening me: yes, you were quoting the teacher from peanuts
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[Proctologist's Office] Doctor (probing with forceps): Exactly how did these 3D glasses get up here? Me: We were watching the new Avatar movie and during the sex scene I whispered to my wife, "More like 'Fire and Dat Ass'."
about 1 month ago
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THE Burger King
kim
about 1 month ago
my friend: i really need your advice me, ordering several things online i can’t afford while eating a block of cheese: yes ofc you’ve come to the right person
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THE Burger King
Amy
about 1 month ago
how much does it cost to have godzilla stomp on you does anyone know
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THE Burger King
RM
over 1 year ago
OCCAM'S RAZOR: Simpler solutions are more likely to be correct than complex ones. OCCAM'S LAZER: pew pew
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trickykat
about 1 month ago
how many nuns could a nunchuck chuck if a nunchuck could chuck nuns?
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THE Burger King
Memento (new) Morty 🌙
about 1 month ago
what's a matter babe you hardly touched your clud sandwich
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THE Burger King
Ennui Doofen
about 2 months ago
thinking about setting the roomba free for the holidays, just opening the door and letting it go (in case its new years resolution is to kill)
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Jerry Chen
about 2 months ago
now for the traditional eating of the christmas tree
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batkaren (a/k/a kt roth)
about 2 years ago
Have we considered that Die Hard might not only be a Christmas movie, but may actually go a step further to be classifiable as a Hallmark-style holiday romcom?
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The supermarkets are closed for Christmas tomorrow. Better go out and buy 2 weeks of food at 5PM.
about 2 months ago
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THE Burger King
He's training a Sith He's training him twice All the Jedi kids He'll sacrifice
about 1 year ago
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THE Burger King
It's Abby. Yep.
about 2 months ago
By a show of jazz hands, how many of you are fabulous?
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THE Burger King
Why aren't Santa's little helpers called Subordinate Clauses?
about 2 years ago
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THE Burger King
Santa used to fly his sleigh without wearing a seatbelt until the accident. Now he's ho ho horribly disfigured.
about 2 years ago
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