[kool keith voice] i eliminated 85% of microplastics from my ejaculate

Enough time has passed that I can definitively say that the “everyone is 12 now” post is THE load bearing post of Bluesky. The hall of famer Bluesky post. It commands respect even from Bluesky skeptics and haters

have some dignity challenge (impossible difficulty)

Mamdani is already getting the criminals out of NYC!

for people pretending not to understand, the problem with having an SS-style Totenkopf on your chest you got while you were drunk in Croatia is that you never got it covered up. this means either: —you knew and didn't care —you have no friends who knew what it meant and cared enough to tell you

A lot of veterans have skull tattoos = True A lot of veterans have the exact tattoo of the Schutzstaffel’s totenkopf = not true.

billionaires should not be allowed to exist because the downside of "one of them loses their mind" is simply too dangerous for a functional society also, having a billion dollars tends to make you lose your mind

twitter is making mainstream reporters dumber, and because they're all getting dumber together, none of them can recognize it and they actually think they're getting smarter

Katy Perry Releases New Single About Superiority Of Canadian Manufacturing

most people don't want politics that hurt other people. we just want a long overcoat like david bowie and affordable housing

What makes this NFL season so special is the sheer amount of franchises in Hell. The raiders are somehow worse than under Josh McDaniels, yet I’d rather be them than, say, Miami, who is watching their team combust, or The Jets, who appear to have achieved “Hollow” status

spent a couple hours downtown today and there's a lot of white women in their 40s and 50s fedposting harder than i would ever feel comfortable with this meme is actually just real life

your analysis of this political moment is going to fail if you keep using reductionist labels like "wine mom". first of all, there are dozens of factions just within that one term, from whiskey women to chardonnay chicas, and understanding their unique informal coalitions can take decades of study

A US president, furious about protests essentially clarifying everyone thinks he sucks and responding to it with AI videos of him in a crown flying a fighter jet dumping shit onto American citizens & Nancy Pelosi kneeling to him as a king? Fuck dog, not even satirical Cyberpunk scifi predicted this

front mission alternative intro straight from the disc

Mr. Mamdani, what do you think of the calls to include a Vegeta balloon alongside Goku at the Thanksgiving parade? Piccolo as well

we're entering what historians call The Weekend Zone

"Cybourgeoisie" is the term for the tech-enamored well off, a vulgarity of class and time.

Visa and Mastercard have the opportunity to do something really funny.

Independent of this statement, a good way of describing a huge chunk of the internet is “rapists running content and bot farms to make their pet issues seem more important”, that’s basically half the traffic on X at this point.

since we're letting podcasters run the FBI now, I'd like to make it known to any future presidents that if you appoint me i will pronounce the "human" in "human trafficking" like Quark from DS9. there will be no other substantial changes thank you for your attention to this matter

do i think the dodgers likely stomp the brewers? yes. do i also think baseball is incredibly stupid and makes no sense so anything could happen? yes. do i also find milwaukee uncomfortable as a concept because that many white people who look like me in one place is unnerving and dangerous? also yes

> It is 2025 BC. I am a soldier from one of the outlying provinces called to defend the pyramid in Memphis > It is 2025 AD. I am a soldier from one of the outlying provinces called to defend the pyramid in Memphis

AI has lost the dunce vote. It’s over

Should the New York Times be sold to Pennysaver and its editors sent to work in Amazon warehouses? It depends on who you ask.

work work

gonna be so many fucking frog suits by the end of October: - padding from projectiles - insulates in the cold - positive pressure to keep gas out - full body coverage - remove it and you've disappeared - flexible for air humping - obscures face from cameras - one size fits all, all genders - sexy

portland frog you smoke too tough. your swag too different. your rubber suit is too bad. they’ll kill you portland frog

i know that the months leading up to the lexus december to remember sales event are an exciting time for many of you. it used to be for me, but most dealerships won't let me attend services because i named my kid toyotathon. they won't even let me wield the sceptre. i just thought it was a cool name

I think a real problem in this world is a lack of posting bushido. You can go to war with the mods, with the big accounts, hell with the government itself on X the Everything Site, sometimes it is the honorable thing to do. But you should have your death poem written.

🚨EMERGENCY UPDATE🚨 He has changed hats and has now grown legs. The great thinkers of our time are debating what this could mean

IF I WANNA OWN AND DIE FROM THE HERD OF BLOODTHIRSTY CASSOWARY BIRDS THAT I HAVE ACCLIMATED TO THE NORTHEASTERN CLIMATE AND NOW RUN AMOK AFTER MY DEATH, THAT'S MY RIGHT AS AN AMERICAN 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

i believe there are about a hundred and fifty million people like me who would pay $17 to watch benicio del toro as sergio st. carlos plan and execute a tight sunday costco run before he has to man the barbecue after his niece's afternoon soccer game (run time: 2 hours 20 minutes)

whenever you see a post like "it is impossible to have a reasonable discussion on this web site, the hateful masses only want to destroy" on the timeline, you know it's because they said something so atomically stupid even their parents logged on to flame their bullshit

look at my opposition party dawg

anyone who invokes anti- or post-humanism (both things I'm totally fine with) but who focuses their love and defense of the non-human on, for instance, the machine that gives you imperfect answers in a perfectly obeisant tone, and not the non-human things devastated by that machine, can fuck off.

twitter is currently a frankenstein combination of 4chan and tumblr. we all know this. but bluesky is a different beast that i don't think people born after ~2004 fully grasp. bluesky is a frankenstein combination of tumblr and somethingawful

please kill me if i ever become the main character and crash out so hard lowtax's ex asks if im being haunted by his newtype ghost

the president xi my country calls for aid posts are going to get significantly less ironic by 2032

if you are a mod you should know that every poster is your pledged enemy, we wish nothing but your swift downfall, we will deal with your replacement twice as harshly, you are the most pathetic, servile, scheming scum to ever exist, and that giving us whatever we ask for only delays the reckoning

opened linkedin briefly and then read an investor say ’in this era of vibe coding theres no excuse not to have a first playable at pitch’ and closed that website, hopefully forever

This guy is so fucking stupid, man. This is straight up caveman wisdom