Frat house ghillie suit

"Eaten" sounds so pejorative - "incorporated into the ecosystem and liberated from earthly concerns" should be the standard phrasing.

The Blue Razzberry Fruit Roll-Up is sheer genius LMFAO

Okay, I think I just tripped over a new-to-me Mandela effect at the beach. We went to the usual stores and they had the usual innuendo T-shirts, including Mr. Zog’s Sex Wax. I will swear on a stack of Bibles that when teenage boys were wearing those when I was in high school, it was DOCTOR Zog.

Where are they hiding the 47 year old tradwives??

My head just snapped up like a seagull hearing a Dorito hit the pavement.

happy fathers day

happy Father’s Day, everyone even if you’re not technically a dad, take a minute today, open the hood of your car and frown intelligently at the engine it’s your day

Utility company website: Are you a robot? Me: No, but if there are robots trying to pay my utility bills, mind your own business.

there are no "real" new yorkers. "new york" was invented in 1624 by the dutch west india company to sell rice pudding to tourists

Suggestion: it being america 250 use a pigment from 250 years ago! blog.americanduchess.com/2022/05/a-li...

the two cat genders: gorgeous himbo and deranged supervillain

Hi, we saw you from across the bar, and we'd like to give you health care.

Zohran: "The C.H.U.D.S. are real. Don't tell anyone. Gonna need some cash to handle this." Hochul: "Who you got running this op?" In unison: "SLIWA" Zohran: "I mean, obviously. He asked me if I cared if he kept one of the heads to mount on his wall and I'm like I don't give a fuck, have at it"

Bog witch has got SHIT TO DO

I don’t “fold like laundry.” I “lie on the floor and let the cats walk over me” like laundry.

Best of luck to Golgafrinchan Ark Fleet Ship B

this is what some of you look like in short sleeve button-up shirts

i am joining the war on drugs on the side of drugs

You never seen dudes rock as hard as this!

my most controversial opinion is that every frank lloyd wright building looks super uncomfortable, murderous to clean, and like it should be owned by someone plotting to blow up an orphanage

a vanilla soy latte is a variety of three bean soup

boobs? oh you mean my cat couch

ME: Hey man, just wondering how you were able to accomplish that huge thing you did. Really inspiring. Just hoping you won’t say— FRIEND: *apologetically* Autism ME: God DAMN it

So, friends: I promised I'd tell the story. Now I shall. Let a (former) psych nurse tell you the true (gods help us) story of a night in a big-time NYC emergency room: and the arrival of The Man With The Bloomingdales Bag. (1/n)

«Owls are just bird hardware running cat software» Original post

Just get a big ass portable, paint it gold, roll that shit next to the White House and tell that senile wockaflocka the ballroom's done.

"Three young Barn Owls looking out of the quatrefoil of a church in North Norfolk."

what do we want? OBJECT PERMANENCE when do we want it? WHEN DO WE WANT WHAT

here come old laptop he come bootin up slowly he got broken touchpad he need one more update he got no space on this pc one thing i can tell you its got no warranty

should i buzz him in?

Do I know any excellent bartenders, mixologists and cocktail makers in the NYC/NJ/CT area who are interested in competing on a tv show to win money? If so say hey! My friend is casting it and I can get you details.

WHATS UP YOU WET MOTHERFUCKERS

NEW: doorman strike is off!

It’s profoundly ignorant to suggest that the Pope should be fighting crime on behalf of the Catholic Church. Anyone who was remotely familiar with Roman Catholicism would know that that’s what Daredevil is for

I just slow-blinked at a baby

if the world ends tonight i better not get a fundraising text about it

Y'all there is a woman and a black man circling the moon and NASA's mission control+ science teams are so diverse and people are nerding out about science and exploration this is all a gigantic middle finger to the stupid and hate and grotesque ghouls running our country

oh my god yes

Vessel with rodents! Vessel with rodents! Vessel with rodents!

Some lovely spring flowers from my walk in the park today.

Also, not for nothing, but “no one at Waffle House remembers you” is one of the most cutting things you can say to a southerner.

We gotta be real about this sentiment, it’s driven by concern-trolling rich people. They are fine with paying for their own child care and don’t want to pay taxes for poorer people to get child care either