the Louvre is actually where they keep all the famous Lous. Reed, Diamond Phillips, -is Vuitton. they actually won't let Bega in, though, unless he goes in through the service door. sad situation!

Man, nobody could build a shithouse like the WPA.

"I would like to solve the puzzle, Pat. Rodent Infestation"

*meredith brooks voice* im a mitch im mcconnell i help trump comma donald ive a turtle for a head im probably really dead

people on here will skeet anything. “George Costanza had hoes.” Yes he did. That is true.

I love working at the establishment and only sabotaging Graham Platner's campaign but not that of Rashida Tlaib, Zohran Mamdani, Summer Lee, Chris Rabb, Claire Valdez, Melat Kiros or Darializa Avila Chevalier.

here it is, the stupidest fucking take I've seen in the last couple of hours

anton chigurh: heads or tails. you must chose. me: is that a Prince Valiant cut? anton: yeah it used to have more volume me: you want to use something light on it, no silicone-heavy washes and of course... both of us (laughing): blow dry from the roots! me: alright heads anton: it's tails

DAWG WE'RE DOING STATE-RUN GAS PRICES AT PRICE CONTROLLED RATES DESPITE INCREASING SHORTAGES TO PACIFY THE PEOPLE AND THEY'RE SCREAMING ABOUT HOW THEIR OPPONENTS WANT COMMUNISM I AM GOING TO LOSE MY ENTIRE GODDAMN MIND

how we know it's 1899: ✔️ US President threatening Spain ✔️ US warships off the coast of Cuba ✔️ women's right to vote earnestly being debated in the public press ✔️ everybody's remembering the Maine

just turned on a baseball game and saw that mitch mcconnell is batting seventh for the rockies. what the fuck are you doing man

I spoke to my good friend Mitch McConnell today for 20 min. He said “I’ve seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die."

I (also a leftist) got into a couple arguments with some lefty dudes literally yesterday because he hadn't been convicted which COME THE FUCK ON

Heads up if you follow Ken Klippenstein: don't. Not anymore.

Definitely one of the weirdest fucking countries on earth, but half my family's there, and damn I love it. Hopp Schwiiz!🇨🇭

Rock and roll musician: splish splash I was taking a bath People in the 1950's: this is the devil’s music

I’m ready to answer the call.

You're in a desert walking along in the sand when all of a sudden you look down. You look down and you see a senator.

look guys there are a lot of rumors swirling about mitch mcconnell right now so just a reminder about how important it is to make sure you're only sharing information that is properly sourced verified and credible or at least really fucking funny

The domino meme but the little domino is “a young Mitch McConnell survived polio” and the big domino is “polio is no longer eradicated in the US”

Hooper: “moray eel. Bit right though my wet suit” Quint: “that’s a thresher tail ya see that chief?” Hooper: “that’s a bull shark, scraped me when I was taking samples” Graham Platner: *removes shirt* “that’s an oyster trap, I…” Hooper: “I don’t want to play anymore” Quint: “yeah that’s enough”

You may not like it but this is what peak Bluesky performance looks like

according to a couple lists I'm on, apparently I'm a transphobic Zionist Nazi? *stares in nb Jewish antizionist* Literacy is real, folks. And illiteracy isn't just not being able to read at all.

it's very funny knowing it's possible that somebody's life is being completely ruined because Kraken wouldn't release their Bonk. due to an ongoing incident affecting the Bonk token.

The US Senate is not a place to send people hoping they will grow as a person, you're getting that confused with a rehab facility

raise your hand if the second you knew "Blackwater" or "Totenkopf" was exactly the right time to say fuck off to Platner. oh? lotta hands down? Lotta liberal hands?

Apparently even boats will go through carcinization with enough time and effort

I have to say I am fascinated by films set in America who reference a character's American parents and American childhood and all the while the actor is very clearly and obviously a big European with an off-the-walls accent

erotic thriller is such a great genre concept. like youre naked but you have to save the president

I hope Mexico beats England today as revenge for Mexico week on the Great British Bake-off

I think this might be one of the most incredible, unsettling and symbolic photos of today’s America I’ve ever seen. I can’t stop looking at it. From Reuters, published on the Guardian website.

Norway beat Brazil and is that supposed to happen Note: I know shit about fuck about soccer

PROTIP: Before responding to a post online, press “X” to equip EYEBALLS to perform the READ action to check if ten people have already said the same exact unfunny non-joke

My grandma always had sort of one-sided nemesis status with Barbara Bush because she felt like her grandmotherly affect kept people from realizing she was evil and she was always sort of like, I see you bitch

would Demolition Man have worked as well with Arnold instead of Stallone

"Norway is imposing a near ban on the use of generative AI tools by elementary school pupils while also restricting their ​use in the education of older children to prevent a ‌negative impact on learning" Sometimes, good policymaking is incredibly simple. www.reuters.com/technology/n...

just thinking about Mexican week on GBBO for absolutely no reason

Trump is watching the Fox News feed of himself watching Fox News

ben franklin would have loved internet porn

Emily Wilson doesn’t have time for online nonsense/culture war about the upcoming ODYSSEY. 👌

I... I want to see this version. I mean that's two dudes from Sneakers right there.

Please don’t be insensitive. Posting about what you enjoy is triggering to people who can’t enjoy anything

Having my organs removed and preserved in my collection of Dunkin' Canopic Jars.

congratulations america on making it to 250, you don't look a day over 476 AD

hot dogs were invented in 1936 by Larry Hotdogs when he accidentally dropped a bag of prize-winning pig assholes in his Dick Shaper Machine

important to revisit the words of the Founding Fathers on this day

The two genres of video game are shooting an alien with a gun, and a pretty lady elf saying “m’lord” to you There’s a theoretical third genre where the player has to collect an orb, but nobody has been able to make it yet

For America's 250th, I read Frederick Douglass’ speech, “What to the Slave is the Fourth of July?” on the House floor—for the first time in history. His speech endures as a mirror & mandate for us all—to confront our inequities while fighting for an America as good as its promise.

“How can a Jewish person not vote for me?” he asked antisemitically.