Goodnight

Cole Escola if you're reading this, as you're writing the Miss Piggy movie, you should include a musical number where she sings Poker Face, but it's Porker Face. But like not earnestly, in like your double-ironic aloof style so the audience knows none of this is serious

Debra Messing's eyes when she sees a Muslim person:

Roddy Ho is one of the most insufferable characters on TV but also he could absolutely insuffocate me

How about 30 min of stairmaster

On my never ending quest to discover what's the least I can do that can still be considered cardio

I feel like people need to know the first visual depiction of Frankenstein's monster made him kind of a gen z Bushwick himbo??

Me in the replies of bloomfs who are way hotter than me

Untamed is an okay show but an excellent reminder of how Daddy Eric Bana is

Eating at Jack in the Box

DJ is going to play a Christmas Song like no other DJ has ever played a Christmas Song!!!

Someone asked if Swifties or Ariana stans are worse and I feel like this requires a visual aid Average Swiftie vs average Arianator

I don't know what this says about me but 97% of the time I'm on Deborah Vance's side

I'm going to invent something useless, like a gray goop, and hell everyone the possibilities for this goop are endless, it could stop hurricanes, make your dick twice as big, let us travel at light speed. Not yet of course haha but it could! Someday maybe! And then just sit back and collect billions

Pretty cool that I'm basically nonfunctional unless I get 10 hours of sleep a night, which happens maybe once a week, which means most days I can barely function

Is this anything

If there was a god Slow Horses would be like Dr. Who and last for 60 years with someone new playing Jackson every iteration

Like honestly his dick must be like a pool noodle that curves both ways and can spin like a helicopter because otherwise I truly don't understand

There needs to be a word for the condition my husband has, which is he can sit and watch previews and trailers for literally hours without actually picking something to watch

Trmp and Nancy Reagan hitting the Manhattan clubs in the 80s

Legurday complete

Just trying to keep up with @tigerpanda94.bsky.social in the ass department Glute drive 225x10 274x10 315x10 365x10

Every gay in LA right now looking out the window:

This is nice but there is no god, because if there was, one of these women would be Gia Gunn

I don't know how to flex my back exhibit Z-9999

Been in a month-long hell of a Walgreens pharmacy, my insurance, and my psychiatrist all calling each other and leaving messages over my ritalin refill, which I've never had a problem getting until I switched out of the Kaiser system and found whats apparently the worst/meanest pharmacy of all time

The key to a strong gay marriage is finding someone who will go in the locker room to pee and then when he comes out tells you you should probably go into the locker room too and you do and voila there's super hot nearly naked dude doing bodybuilder poses in the mirror

Watched Frankenstein why did no one tell me Jacob Elordi looks like Florence Welch starring in a production of Braveheart

The male protagonist's brain when he picks up a spoon his dead wife used and the montage begins

Big boy is back (day)

Hot bodybuilder trainer who is actually a super Christian and also a recovering porn addict, the tropes are troping hard here

(Wipes his mouth) "I just gave the greatest blow job, the best blow job, the likes of which has never been seen. Bill, who I have a lot of respect for, came bigly. Big deal cum, folks. People are saying I was better than Jenna Jameson. I said I'm not sure but maybe it was better, maybe it was."

Me finding out today that he blew Bill Clinton

Is anyone on Threads real or is just a bunch of bots caught in an unending Jubilee debate

Same. I am bigger than you expect and also more babygirl than you expect!

Post the last 4 games you played!

Landed at the Shelby and Dolly gate, long may they live and drive their dads insane

Of course the "feminism ruined the workplace" writer is a woman who also looks like a doormouse with hydrochepaleus

Part of the reason I don't wanna work with a trainer ever again is last time I spent 6 months working out hard doing excessive workouts and hated it and when I look at the progress I made it seems so minimal. Like I did so much for so little change. The math doesn't math for me or my body dysmorphia

We're not ready for this conversation

June Squibb is at Pieces

Fell asleep on my flight and had a very vivid dream that our flight landed and was over and then woke up and I was still on the flight and had like 2 more hours to go. Like what in the Inception hell

Yes I do play golf with pink balls

Sydney Sweeney, Jared Leto, James Corden, and JLo should all do a movie together that's so unwanted it rips a hole in space/time

I'm golfing today ama

Oscar winner Diane Keaton and nominees Penelope Milford, Diane Ladd, Pauline Collins, and now the legendary Sally Kirkland have died. It has been a ROUGH stretch for me, an awards gay whose entire personality is chasing people and yelling names of old actresses who have been Oscar nominated

Every gay friend group has a: - Mom - Drunk Marlboro scratch ticket aunt - Delinquent teenage daughter - Gentle OCD Cern physicist - Tyler

Dogs walking in the pride parade in 90 heat like

Palm Springs Airport should have a big sign out front that says "shipping in bottoms 7 days a week"