If you're a 🚬 still standing outside STAY IN LINE

Sorry Colyte heads but Clenpiq CLEARS your nasty disgusting rancid gallon jug concoction. Clenpiq is that girl

The prep begins

Have a colonoscopy tomorrow so basically tonight I will be microdosing cyclosporiasis

Chloe Fineman is leaving SNL to spend more time with her thetans

Which one of you is douching in WeHo right now

Excited for the Spain vs FIFA match on Sunday!!

She's back

TikTok banned this VERY INNOCUOUS video of mine and gave my account a strike because some all-numbers anon account reported me bc they got more butthurt than Lindsey in the bathroom of the Eagle.

Diana DegARMo

Saw a map of The Odyssey's 10-year trip and...this is just the itinerary of that Atlantis cruise that keeps getting denied entry at ports? Odysseus just trying to get his Odyussy ate

Godzilla most of the time, probably:

Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed is a good show that would be much much better if Tatiana Maslany's character just TOLD PEOPLE WHAT WAS HAPPEING TO HER JFC

Shoulder day

The way Confessions II gets to Fragile every time my work out is ending. The pussy popping songs last the perfect amount of time for a gay workout. Her mind

Sharks I have a brilliant idea

How do you think that Goose app is doing, what are the Colins and Tristans talking about over there

Every Olipop flavor tastes like someone put a splash of Windex in your soda

The thing I forgot before I shaved my beard is that I'm face ugly so now I have to wait to grow back my privacy hedge so my property value goes back up

I just got out of Travis' class at Soulcyclospora and my ass is on fire, girl

The way I see it is, your sexuality is nobody's business unless you make MY sexuality your business, in which case your sexuality is now my business as well, because you declared you want to play this game so I'm playing, hand me the dice it's my roll

Ok which of you divas started this

Great news or horrible news: I finally got rid of the sasquatch beard (Inspired by @lerrrgan.bsky.social and my beard being untenable)

Some straggot on FB was like "please don't speculate on Lindsey Graham's sexuality, focus on his politics" and when I pointed out his sexuality wasn't a secret and was inextricable from his politics, he called me a fascist. Like straights I need you to get your shit together immediately

Guys the dopamine is fading can he die again

Nancy Reagan realizing she's not the only throat goat in hell anymore

Probably getting his cheeks clapped by Ernst Röhm and Roy Cohn right about now

As we go on We remember All the times we Had together

Sabrina Madonna I got something I wanna talk about (That literally the only reason we have two Dakotas is because it gave Republicans 4 senate seats instead of 2)

Welcome to the World Cup where most the goals aren't real, sorry, gotta take that one back

Do you think Renate Reinsve and Inga Ibsdotter Lilleaas are watching the Norway game right now, he thought homosexually

Shhhhh my show is on

When I was going through the sketch/improv comedy world, no one wanted a giant gay ex-football player and now Evan Mulrooney is hugely popular. No one wanted large gay comedians authentically playing women and now John Early has a movie out. It's really cool to peak before the zeitgeist accepts you

For the rest of the century I just don't think anyone's going to be able to talk about the most essential dances albums without mentioning Confessions II in the first paragraph

Saw Cactus Flower. Goldie Hawn won her Oscar for playing the essential manic pixie dream girl, but a hilarious Ingrid Bergman steals the show as the true cactus flower

Gam jam

Everyone here is a work of art, yes, it's just that some of you are Da Vincis and some of you are Thomas Kinkades

#addtogaysky How am I just now doing this I'm such a dumb heaux

I've been in a medical office or vet office every day this week, please I'm just a pair of tits I'm not meant to handle adult things

Yes this is absolutely a Yellowjackets subskeet

Do you start a show that's mid but you hate a villain character so much you look up all the seasons and find the episode they die and just jump to that scene, watch it, and then move on to another show

Starting my campaign early for next year's Flopsky awards

RIP to one of the most underrated voices in music history, singer of the single greatest song of the 1980s, and absolute hair icon Bonnie Tyler

Chestsquatch day

Danceteria but it's a song about me going to the iO West for improv classes in 2005

At my husband's routine follow-up for his eye surgery and even though everything is fine I still have an uncontrollable urge to run back to the exam room and go full Shirley Maclaine bc I demand they give him absolutely stellar care

I called Sheepstealer Kiera Knightley coded and someone in my TT comments made this lol

Just saw my good friend Mitch McConnell at my Hyrox class, he was finishing up his burpee broad jumps so I asked him about the history of U.S. relations with Bhutan and he had some amazing insights. Then we played full court basketball and he showed off that 29 in. vertical we all love, what a guy

Emmy nominee Dale Dickey iktr