Michael Bay should come back and direct the Hamilton musical. iykyk

When I was growing up we were so poor we were lucky to even get one battle, much less another battle after that one!

Eating celery as punishment for all the bad things I’ve done.

why do they call them children, they have like zero chill

I don't remember making this but it was on my phone and apparently I'm hilarious.

“I gotta protect my kids from the media turning them gay” here’s a question, why did your sperm make such weak suggestible children that now you have to be on guard 24/7 in case they see bugs bunny in a dress sounds like a you problem

reading Lolita on the train but with my flaccid dick hanging out of my pants so everyone knows i'm not a pedophile

This meeting could've been an email. This email could've been an alligator. Fingers could've been toes. You just never fuckin know

How many Tylenol will it take for my autism to roll back over to zero?

taking Tylenol just to feel something (autistic)

And so we cha cha on, sliding to the left, borne ceaselessly back now y’all

What are some good amulets that can imbue me with certain powers?

Satire is legally protected in sheep society, but you can get arrested for lampoon.

Hello?

Do any wealthy patrons of the arts follow me? I'm seeking funding for a conceptual project I call rent.

new scam going around where they hire you for a job but pay you less than the value your labor produced

“You’ve got sadness in you, I’ve got sadness in me – and my works of art are places where the two sadnesses can meet, and therefore both of us need to feel less sad.” HBD, Mark Rothko ...

Kundun(The Sweater Song)

wearing any hat other than a baseball cap or a toque past the age of 26 should be listed in the dsm-5

What a good movie that was. I wonder if they ever made a sequel.

#ヤギ

I know why all you fucks didn't get raptured: making day old jokes on bluesky!!!!

Yelling at stangers from his car do a kick flip youtu.be/ob0dI05Xz8s?...

Acetaminofefe

Small gig: I'm looking for someone to help me locally archive my mom's Typepad blogs before they're taken down. She is moving the content to Wordpress but I want to save the current HTML structure / images / etc. I tried wget but it's beyond me. Can pay for time spent. DM me if you're interested!

"One [of the patients] was medically retired and has returned to work" 🥹

Well now my phone is in dark mode until it decides at some random point in my pocket to go back to light mode.

Subtly downgrade a band Ezra

More than 1800 detainees are missing after the closure of Alligator Alcatraz. Their families and lawyers can’t find them and they’ve vanished from the ICE database. Feels like this should be a much bigger story www.miamiherald.com/news/local/i...

New character, BlueSky elder named Al Fogg.

Baffling absolutely everyone, the only person to actually get raptured is Donald Trump.

I just took some acetaminophen dare me to drive

RFK Jr.:Tylenol is definitely bad for you because of all the poison I secretly put in it.

22 Sep 2025

#ヤギ

Bro, just one more humanoid robot, bro please, this one will be the true general purpose technology bro, this one will fill any labor shortage bro, our nanas and papas will let them into their homes to help them age in place bro, it’s the future bro, I won’t put guns on them I swear bro, bro

All of my L&O arts are 35% off in honor of L&O's birthday. Use code LNO35 at checkout: brandonbird.myshopify.com/collections/...

I love this.

The beatles purposefully wrote catchy songs to generate interest in their band

watching the first movie you think Air Bud is like kind of a genius dog, but then later on they got little puppies flying around in a space shuttle and you go oh wait is he their Radio

Need some new star stuff, or whatever. Some fresh atoms hot off some space thing. Earth atoms feelin stale.

There have always been trans people. There will always be trans people. The only "trans agenda" is to live authentically. Removing trans rights, banning trans people from sports, taking away care for trans people puts you on the wrong side of history. Trans rights are human rights 🩵💗🤍

Alexander, Alexander! It's your cousin, Marvin! Marvin Fleming! You know that new antibacterial agent you've been looking for? Well listen to THIS! *sound of Penicillium fungus growing*