if team snapchat doesn’t leave me the fuck alone

I’m in the military stationed overseas is that OK?

gays in the us: the second anyone mentions WhatsApp, my block comes out am i alone?

there’s no way shane has not bitched about ilya’s cigarettes yet

i am not as into it now that i know shane is straight irl

The government failed at actually redacting the Epstein files because DOGE cancelled the feds adobe acrobat premium subscription is the funniest shit.

i have a microplastic dick

out of an abundance of caution I’m going to need you to sit on my face

Merry Christmas, or whatever

Ghosting someone during the holidays is Big Dickens Energy.

Being awake makes me even more tired than usual

Sleeping with the enemy but it’s literally just sleeping

Jesus was a Palestinian.

Gertrude Hawklates is a missed opportunity

how the grinch stole this pussy

Wholesome Ice Cream content 😎

i’m pretty sure Abraham Lincoln was hung like a horse

Trump is a dead man walking. America should “put him to sleep,” NOW. It is the humanitarian thing to do.

Watching true crime series for inspo

Turning Point USA was founded in 2012 by Charlie Kirk and Bill Montgomery Two of their major policy pushes were a more prominent gun culture and zero COVID restrictions Bill Montgomery died to the COVID virus Charlie Kirk died to gun violence

Hung like a jingle horse.

He's a ten, but his washer and dryer set don't match

Vidal Baboon would be a good name for a hair care products company for monkeys

Might get up early tomorrow so I can spend more time with my seasonal affective disorder

The world is very stressful. Get the expensive vibrator.

i wish a motherfucker would (have a lovely day)

they call it tap water because of all the cum in it

I count 10 cities in 2025 that are on track to have the fewest murders since at least 1970. Newark is on pace to have the fewest murders since 1956 (though only have data through Oct this year) and San Francisco is on pace to have the fewest murders since 1942.

Trump shares and endorses a post calling for Georgia GOP Gov. Brian Kemp to be arrested

she lives on the second floor

you down to be the falalalala to my lalalala?

Honey, I'm stopping off at the dispensary, what do you want for Christmas?

Do cucumbers make anyone else fart a lot? Maybe I’m pushing them too far up in there.

If you're reading this, I'm touching myself.

re One Battle After Another: "For this movie to make any sense at all, one has to believe the United States, today, right now, is a fascist dictatorship,” wrote David Marcus at Fox News. uhhh... dude? have you been awake at all this year ? welp, watching it tonight

I love reading. in fact I love reading so much, that I will re-read the same paragraph 10 times over, in an attempt to pay enough attention to register it properly

Gotta say, as a survivor, I’m not super loving this thing where the Department of Justice is running a cover-up of evidence the President sexually abused minors.

I don't use marijuana recreationally I use it competitively

all animals are support animals, your honor

Inside of me there are 6 geese a laying

Telling my girlfriend, “I wanna eat your pie,” was not quite as seductive as I had hoped it would be.

it’s really fucking cool to see people working outside the system to expose the hacks running all of our crumbling institutions

the average person eats 16 bacon wrapped jalapeño poppers with brisket cream cheese stuffing in their sleep per year

long distance relationships are easier if they don't actually know you're dating them

LOL they redacted the files so ineptly that you can basically read them with a little effort? Please let this be true.

I'm at an age where I'm only 80 percent sure that this is indigestion.

Bringing back Limewire to illegally rip copies of reporting suppressed by the government is definitely some cyberpunk shit

For real if i worked for the FBI and i found out my team had redacted pdfs by putting a black hilighter layer on the document i would have a very very hard time thinking they didn’t do it deliberately Because lol lmao

Someone from the 19th century would think Amazon was the weirdest bookstore they'd ever seen.