Justin Rose won the Open at Merion, the BMW at Aronomink, this guy owns more main line property than Jeff Yass alright?

15 year old is running a fully functional and profitable nail salon in her room with one client being worked on as the next one waits. They’re listening to I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas by Bing Crosby.

Bad memories a-bout Nick Foles

(to the tune of Angel is a Centerfold) 🎶 our SecDef is a vikings fan 🎶

My name is Pete Davidson. You killed my father. Prepare to laugh.

Driving customers on the Mare of Easttown / Task Delcouniverse Reality Tour (Barnaby’s parking lot then some fucked up swamp in Ridley)

I’m here you fuckass bitch

Another day another slay

….a Tito’s body with a dispensary mind….

Ever heard of Zoom, rummy?

My favorite pandemic memory: Played darts with comedian Greg Fitzsimmons over Zoom. He complained his family would not play with him, I could relate, so I challenged him and he accepted. We set up our cameras facing our boards and took turns. He beat me in Cricket. We had a lovely chat, was fun. 🎯

Greta Van Fleet Coheed & Cambria 🤝 Is this singer serious or joking

“Jim Comey!”

Pete helps the generals meet their Q4 quotas

Jay: Did you hear about this alien craft that’s set to arrive on earth in 2027? You read about this? Yeah apparently we’ve been getting a special vaccination to prepare for this arrival for about 5 years. Not to protect us from their germs, to protect them from ours! (bass riff)

Me: Do you…..do you remember, um, yesterday when there was um Italian sausages and peppers and onions at the Hot Bar? Do you remember that? Cashier at Redner’s: Uh, sure? Ok? Me: Will…..do you think you will have more sausage and peppers, er, soon? Cashier: I don’t know sir Me: That was awesome

THIS WEATHER DOES NOT FUCK

Love this autumn weather 🍂

Reporter: Mr Spock it’s been a day since the Kirk tragedy, how are you holding up sir Spock: i think very well and if you look over here they are putting the new warp drive in the Enterprise, something they’ve been trying to do for 400 years, and

Schwarber gets $300 million in one lump sum, 70% of alcohol sales in Citizens Bank Park, 35-40% of popcorn sales, and he just keeps playing until he can’t hit homers anymore

It’s a good show but the soundtrack choices are equal parts baffling and insulting

Task on HBO captures the drugs, the murder, the misery, the poverty, the revolting accent, and the way bars only play Pearl Jam b-sides from 1995 and Mother Love Baayune

What’s on YOUR bullets?

This gunsniffer’s message will be the same as johnny utah’s message: im mad our guys arent being mean enough

A surprise drug test after his 54th home run reveals Kyle Schwarber has tested positive for meat n’ potatoes

They have added another oil field and 4 VIP passes to the Riyadh Comedy Festival

Schwarbian is the Septbarian

We apologize for the convenience

Your reaction to getting left behind in the rapture

Watching the homies ascend into heaven and remembering why you aren’t

The New York Giants announce a shake up in their QB depth chart

Already got raptured on Valentines Day, next to Sprouts

God’s Rapture Coordinator struggling on launch day

Terry Bradshaw voice: Almond Ron St. Brown!

Venezuelan boats full of fentanyl, Carnival Cruise full of Tylenol, you’re getting blown up

Task (HBO 2025) An FBI agent chases Chris Pontius

He just said Flintstones Chewables cause wolfmanism, can they sue for that

Bring back Craig Kilborn while you’re at it he’s terrific

We have reason to believe a diet of nothing but Goldenberg’s Peanut Chews (dark chocolate) can unlock the hidden 90% of the human brain, enabling telepathy, telekinesis, and possibly teleportation

To be like Jordan Davis you need to work on your bulk and speed. I want you to get the Qdoba steak quesadilla with the chipotle crema and large Coke and eat it fast because we’re doing wind sprints in the parking lot right after

“Yes well I heard Jimmy Kimmel got a role in the movie about the robot and his baby frog, probably going to be terrible, and supposedly his character is always taking shots at the emperor or darthvader or whoever, he can’t do that. So we’re looking into taking this job away as well”

Jordan Davis celebrates the big win with teammates in a lively Eagles locker room

Pop star’s fiancée has physical altercation with elderly coworker

Mmmmm….Dönitz