Little known fact: Gin was invented when a vat of vodka was possessed by a small Victorian ghost

Somedays you gotta live with the rain. #clouds

I am the feature presentation sit down & get comfortable it’s gonna get weird

cats are essentially couch gargoyles

Chris Priest is dead. We've known each other since 1984. He was a famous author and I was a 23 year old nobody and he sat next to me in a pub and chatted and was lovely. He wrote some amazing books. www.ninaallan.co.uk?p=6855

Happy birthday Rosa Louise McCauley Parks.

Found a $10,000 winning scratch ticket in the Costco parking lot and now I can retire when I’m 813 years old.

No definition changes more as you get older than that of the word "party"

i feel like my big challenge as a guy who takes photos these days is to figure out how to capture a mundane environment in ways that are interesting to me jamellebouie.net/blog/2024/2/...

I need the cha-ching sound effect of a cash register bell every time I buy anything online so I remember I am spending real money

“I find your lack of faith…accurate.” - Darth Vader, intergalactic atheist

Sorry if I missed any important discourse I was in the sky flying this 🛩️

"You're so chill" thank you I have completely given up

I feel a DJ set coming on... Does anyone have anything for that? www.mixcloud.com/cain/uploads/

I feel a DJ set coming on... Does anyone have anything for that? www.mixcloud.com/cain/uploads/

I have had PANCAKES they had BANANAS in them also there was COFFEE I don't know why I'm YELLING but my mood is GOOD

I’m just a MILF in search of my mother fucker

I feel a DJ set coming on... Does anyone have anything for that?

Good to see rampant, disgusting xenophobia is alive and well in America's premiere news sources.

smoked a lot of weed and now i have way too many projects going at once

PSA: your interpersonal grievances are not societal problems!! Mine are tho

Ok, how do we work this thing?

When I go grocery shopping, the first thing I do is wheel my cart behind a big guy or woman and ride in their slipstream until checkout then I pass their asses hellyeah

Performing a striptease to Say It Ain't So

The Internet has made everyone more stupid.

TFW your Wikipedia literally lists your job as “runs a propaganda outlet”

Abs on a skinny guy is like crying in the shower - doesn't count

It might be psychically and emotionally satisfying to tell a story in which the public is progressive and the system is responsive and the only obstacle are duplicitous and corrupt Democrats. But this is a false story that will only lead people away from the hard work of political change.

Oh Fuck OFF

If Biden and Trump both die before the election we should try four years without a president just to see if we like it. I bet we would!

me after one hike: i’m going to FUCK mother nature i am ALIVE

I have to say, the "woke up hung over and married in Vegas" trope cracks me up. I HAVE BEEN THE OFFICIANT AT A WEDDING IN VEGAS, do you have ANY idea how hard they try to prevent drunk mistakes? (For one, there's a mandatory 24 hour waiting period on Clark County marriage licenses!)

Timberlake should be apologizing to the general public for that late 90s ramen hair

What l love about the future . It has not happened . No need to stress or overthink about it .

Go the fuck to sleep, I scream at myself

It’s February 2nd and I just killed a mosquito so I don’t think it matters what that hairy little pig predicts

How many calories does ugly crying burn? Asking for a friend

Nobody earns a billion dollars You got to exploit a lot of people to get there .

It's sad to see so many people giving up on life in their 20s. Honestly, save some despair for your 40s when things get really bad.

It's a confusing time. I don't even know who my real imaginary friends are anymore.

Yeah buddy I see your powerpoint what I don't see is your actual point

911: what is your emergency Humpty Dumpty: help i’ve fallen and i can’t get up 911: hang on sir we’re sending horses and men Humpty Dumpty: what no i need an ambulance 911: horses and men sir

They’re Ben Gaying your ass on SootheSky.

I refuse to acknowledge what I look like from the forehead down at this point.