Inspector Ratchet
@1nspectratchet.bsky.social
📤 5136
📥 1326
📝 739
I didn't ask to be here
https://instagram.com/1nspector_ratchet?igshid=NzZlODBkYWE4Ng==
I don’t even believe in the calendar. my year is just halloween, then 60 days of christmas, then january
6 days ago
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Al gore built the internet so I could find news that dick cheney died through a shitposting subreddit
20 days ago
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Inspector Ratchet
✨November Sam✨
26 days ago
You’re confusing Halloween for Bananaween, which according to the UN is punishable by summary execution
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Mentally training for Thanksgiving by reading internet drama so family chaos feels like premium cable
20 days ago
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If you give out bananas for Halloween, is that illegal? There are no rules. I am not governed that night
26 days ago
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Announcing to my family that I will be Bib Fortuna for Thanksgiving
about 1 month ago
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"The other day" - me referring to an event that took place 10 years ago
about 1 month ago
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we have to go back and save Harambe he is the key
about 1 month ago
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Inspector Ratchet
𝔊𝔬𝔱𝔥 ℭ𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔱𝔯𝔶 𝔅𝔲𝔣𝔣𝔢𝔱
about 2 months ago
might fuck around and feed dracula a sun chip
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Inspector Ratchet
Jason, ex Inferis
about 2 months ago
*senator whose entire personality is crocs*
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Inspector Ratchet
HOPE IS ALIVE 🪨 akrul
about 2 months ago
mothman stole my Pepsi and called me a bitch
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Inspector Ratchet
Chames
about 1 year ago
this meeting could’ve been an x-files standalone episode
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I want to see a senator in crocs. just one. for the people
about 2 months ago
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Inspector Ratchet
Jason, ex Inferis
about 2 months ago
While I want to ask a lot of questions about this wet nightmare, I’m overcome with mambo number sadness
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Inspector Ratchet
Jason, ex Inferis
about 2 months ago
THEY DID WHAT?!!?? 🤯🤯
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"Are you going to be ok during the government shutdown?" buddy I'm still recovering from when the library switched to digital catalogs in 1998
about 2 months ago
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if you see a pumpkin on my porch, don’t ask questions. just know it’s part of a larger scheme
about 2 months ago
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Inspector Ratchet
Manic Pixie Dream Witch
about 2 months ago
I firmly believe that we all jumped time dimensions on 1 January 2000, 12am.
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Inspector Ratchet
Jason, ex Inferis
2 months ago
*sadly* The trumpet?
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Inspector Ratchet
Keenan
2 months ago
What a time to be alive... The we're all going to die was so communal back then. We should've stopped computers right then, right there
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Fondly remembering Y2K
2 months ago
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Should I buy a kayak or just accept fate
3 months ago
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Inspector Ratchet
Irma
3 months ago
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if i see one more summer “vibes” post i will eat a handful of pumpkin guts on live television. do not test me
3 months ago
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Schrödinger's gyatt
3 months ago
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Inspector Ratchet
Julia Is Moisturized, Unbothered, Not Asking for Money
3 months ago
Pizza and Lies is my favorite Mike Leigh movie
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“are you open to constructive criticism?” no. i am open to pizza and lies
3 months ago
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Inspector Ratchet
Fulkery
3 months ago
Foolish grape tomatoes have no sense of self preservation
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Dinner tonight is whatever I can catch with my bare hands in the produce aisle. Security, do not perceive me
3 months ago
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Inspector Ratchet
Fulkery
3 months ago
"What the fuck is gingerbread anyway? Useless piece of shit." -Shrek 2030
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Inspector Ratchet
Fulkery
3 months ago
The phone numbers: -Dominoes in Provo, UT -KOHL’s Cash Hotline
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My government email signature is just my name, 2 different phone numbers, and a quote from Shrek
3 months ago
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Inspector Ratchet
Peter Anderson
3 months ago
No, but I know who to call.
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"Can you fix the printer?" Sir I am still recovering from Y2K
3 months ago
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if 13 dwarves showed up at my house unannounced i would simply call the HOA
4 months ago
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Bad news! "Girl math" doesn't work on the IRS
4 months ago
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local lizard asked to borrow my sunscreen. i said yes. he took my car instead. fair play
4 months ago
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Inspector Ratchet
Enkaybeetyen
4 months ago
You need to up your game; rollerblade backwards out of the room while flipping double birds
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Inspector Ratchet
Garf Lasang
4 months ago
I tried this but the "cashier at arbys" said I have to "pay for my meal"
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i win arguments by announcing “that’s showbiz, baby” and moonwalking out of the room
4 months ago
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my farmers market loyalty punch card just gets me banned after 10 purchases. “the system works,” says the beet man
4 months ago
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Inspector Ratchet
4 months ago
You can totally bring your own avocado basically anywhere. Even thru tsa
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“do you want to add avocado for $4?” no, i want to pay my car insurance this month
4 months ago
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at 37 i have the wisdom of experience and the body of a used minivan
4 months ago
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I eat so fast. My fork is legally considered a weapon in 14 states
5 months ago
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Fossil fuels are just dinosaur ghosts powering your car. drive with respect
5 months ago
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the army recruiter told me i could bring one personal item to WW3 so obviously i’m bringing my haunted Garfield phone
5 months ago
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i do not fear hell. i have already led 98 pikmin there
5 months ago
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Inspector Ratchet
Craig Moorhead
5 months ago
And also:
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