He large

Your parking is so valid babe 😊😌😩

She Yank on my Weird Al l til I ovic

seems like pardners today wont even stop and say howdy or let out a simple yeehaw

they should make a dating app called unHinged , for me specifically

Irs great to read some REAL fake news @bencollins.bsky.social

buying condoms that are "ribbed for her pleasure" but wearing them inside out , so all the pleasure is mine

(grandpa simpson): it was the gangnam style at the time

poem i wrote a while back

UPDATE: FBI sources have found bullet casings with pro Democrat party messages like "yes Democrat party" and "yay Democrat party"

Some people’s hearts… just beat a little differently 🐎

I just saw THE CHONKIEST bumblebee, like , damn becky she looked like one of those rapper's girlfriends

Best movie soundtrack? For me, "The Sting" You?

Me: officer, please read me my Lin-Manuel Miranda rights Officer (rapping): you should not throw away your right to remain silent,

Fuck Ass, Kill Gas, Touch Grass

I hope they like the hotdish I'm bringing to the big ANTIFA meeting tonight.

Its crazy how when you lead a good life people only have nice things to say about you when you die RIP Robert Redford

Getting a pet pig just to name her Porker Posey

my blow up doll left me 😔 (floated away)

Has anyone else noticed this Robert Redford fella was some kind of beefcake hunk?

Not only was Robert Redford the handsomest man alive at 89 but also he kept the same hairstyle from when he was 25 and somehow it never once looked sad or embarrassing. It just kept looking good. How.

me: stroganoff this dick lunch lady: keep it moving

The loss of Robert Redford is a loss to blond hunks everywhere 💛

Wanna feel old? Every member of Gerry and the Pacemakers now have pacemakers.

Charlie Kirk lived a short miserable hateful life. Hope this is sufficiently mournful.

Back in disco times, you could simply write a song about wanting to dance the night away

White people love to see a flock of geese and say "bet they're going South for the winter"

A man JUST died, now is not the time to share his words or personally held beliefs. Instead, let's remember him as a heroic sanewashed version of who I like to pretend he was. Its what he would have wanted.

Let👏Presidents👏Learn👏The 👏Damn👏Banjo👏

Age Verification? I know who shot Mr. Burns

Rejoice Kirks, Papa was chosen today. His blood was spilled so our Holiest Amendment remains enshrined and our people remain free. He went to that big gun range in the sky, right next to a Hooters, in Heaven.

So this is how I find out that I am older than Charlie Kirk

There's so many hot guys at this steel mill

There are so many hot guys at this clown school

Video footage of a fully naked Trump climbing out of a birthday cake and singing "happy birthday Mr. Pedofile" to Jeffrey Epstein MAGA: eh, Jurys still out if they even knew each other

"Here's my perverted incriminating birthday card to you, hope you like!"

Video footage of a fully naked Trump climbing out of a birthday cake and singing "happy birthday Mr. Pedofile" to Jeffrey Epstein MAGA: eh, Jurys still out if they even knew each other

sensual is the most sensual word there is

Jeff Lynne is my favorite musician who looks like a nightclub owner from the 70's

" women want 6 packs, 6 figures, 6 feet tal" blah blah blah its like no , women literally just want a guy who looks like this

Everyone knows women have eyelashes, men do not

we don't have cock. is penis ok

How I think I look dancing at a wedding / How I actually look dancing at a wedding

Ladies, get yourself a man who appreciates your beauty the way Martin Scorsese carefully and lovingly captured the beauty of Joe Pesci in films for many years

My wife is leaving me. Another reckless act of blueskyism..

Liberal: 1 coffee with milk Conservatives: wtf why do libs have to have milk in their coffee? 😠 Lib: make it almond milk Conservatives: wtf how come no one likes milk anymore? 😠

fucking AND sucking? In this economy??

Me (talking to the aliens who abducted me): these are my Archie and Jughead comics, back on earth... Alien: so the punchline is always that Archie has too many girlfriends and Jughead likes eating giant sandwiches? Me: yup haha

BREAKING: Trump had a major health incident, he has been living the last week in a constant state of pain and shitting himself