Remembering my good friend Phil who was the last of the men in his family. It’s a shame that there will be no more Fuchs

I hear Dick Cheney died and I’m only sorry he didn’t get a chance to take Mr. Trump hunting, Lord forgive me for saying

My daughter got me this fancy “Lume deodorant” and said I can use it everywhere. Well, I did. Now my armpits smell suspiciously like places that women keep private

I’m not “incontinent,” I just have early-onset urination. You come into this world wearing a diaper and apparently, thats how you go out

Remembering my good friend Phil who was the last of the men in his family. It’s a shame that there will be no more Fuchs

HEY ALEXER, ORDER ME SOME VAGISIL CREAM AND SOME SALLY HANSEN EMORY BOARDS

My great-granddaughter got new sneakers and told me to check out her "new drip." I told her if she has drips she should call a plumber! These kids think they know everything but I think my new shoes are smart looking.

Rhonda at the beauty shop said that “size matters” and I agree because I can’t even read the recipes on my phone unless it’s on the largest font setting

Running late to the 10 o’clock mass because I stayed up late watching a Hallmark movie. Apparently, a big city girl and a handsome hometown hero really can find love!

Esther’s in the hospital and asked me to bring her something to eat. She says the hospital food is testing her will to live. So, of course I took her something home made because we need her alive for our yearly bingo tournament.

I hate going to see Dr. McIntyre. Seems like I go in for one problem and I come out on seventeen different pills and a low-sodium-no-taste diet. At this rate, I need a pill organizer the size of a suitcase!

Roberta in 3b is so cheap, for Halloween last year she bought Necco wafers and passed them out like she was Father Connelly giving communion

HILDY JOHNSON TOLD ESTHER YORK THAT I USED THE STORE BRAND "MIRACLE WHIP" IN MY TUNA SALAD. I NEVER SAID A WORD WHEN SHE USED TURKEY INSTEAD OF BEEF IN HER "FAMOUS" CHILI

I’m not one to gossip, but I saw Robert grab a regular pudding cup when the sugar free one was right there and I know he has Diabetes. If he isn’t careful he’s gonna end up like that William Brigley

My cousin Tilly was quite a handsome woman and she had herself a nice roommate named Jo

Enjoying my Bradenton Florida vacation but I don’t much care for sand getting in my crevices. You can get a pretty nasty rash if you don’t clean it all out

If there’s one thing I miss about having a man around the house, it’s getting my pickle jar opened

Trudy won’t stop bragging about her “DOCTOR SON” but I found out from Judith that he’s just a chiropractor. A back cracker isn’t gonna be saving any lives, that’s for sure.

Edna “accidentally” tripped over her walker and landed face down in Earl’s lap. Rumor has it, he’s taking her to the Olive Garden for lunch tomorrow. How did Edna get so lucky? That one time I fell, I got nothing but a broken hip!

Wanda went to that belly dancing class at the senior center and now she finds any reason she can to “practice” her moves. She wears that blasted jingle belt and with those big hips, you can’t even hear your story on the tv

Getting ready for the church bake sale and I had no butter for my famous “kitchen sink cookies.” Went to borrow some from my neighbor Frank but all he had was a tub of Parkay. Midge would roll over in her grave if she saw how he’s living now.

Maggie Johnson is always bragging about her “homemade” pumpkin pies, but I stopped in for afternoon tea one time and saw a Pillsbury pie crust box in her trash can. White lies are still lies if you ask me.

Personally, I think the new choir robes are far too short. I heard from the organist that Father John has a thing for cankles, but you didn’t hear that from me.

I seen Gloria borrow $20 from Brenda at the church bazaar on Friday and I don’t think it’s cause she left her purse at home, like she said. Personally, I think she’s having money problems, but I don’t wanna talk about this because I don’t like to gossip.

Mary Hogan lost 40 pounds and she’s expecting us to believe it’s from “lifestyle changes.” Sure Mary, maybe if those “lifestyle changes” are Ozempic and shoving 2 fingers down your throat.