💜 i'm going live on Twitch TONIGHT, playing The Sims 2 for the first time in ages!!! follow/subscribe to get notified when i go live twitch.tv/okfahrenheit

John Brown’s raid on Harpers Ferry began on this day in 1859.

Learned that an anonymous outside expert on submersibles did an interview with the OceanGate Titan investigation, and they released a transcript, with all the names redacted. The first line of his first answer? "I'm sure you're familiar with my film Titanic."

we have got to start killing billionaires. is the first line that the villain speaks in the novel im writing. really though, in the real world, we have to kill these people. he continues

mean liberal: nice car, weiner. did it come with a divorce me in my Cybertruck: no. my ex wife gave that to me. computer, please take note of another injustice I’ve suffered computer: confirming your destination is the Hoover Dam. cruise control set to 97 miles per hour

Sisqó and Ebert

Seasonal Affective Diarrhea

Charlie Browns mom: Waaah wah wah wah waaah waaah waaah wah Charlie Brown: oh, you mean pigpen Charlie browns mom: Wah way. Waaaah wahwahwah wah wah waaah waaaah wahwhawah wah wah Charlie Brown: yeah I get that. It’s pretty bad over there but I don’t think they hit him

TRUE LOVE IS POSSIBLE ONLY IN THE NEXT WORLD -- FOR NEW PEOPLE. IT IS TOO LATE FOR US.

my cat just looked me dead in the eyes and dragged her ass hole across my rug

Probably best to chase it indefinitely

The “Oops, protein powder is full of lead” thing would explain so much.

The only people who ask for Eric Trump by name are either about to commit multi-billion-dollar securities fraud or are an Instacart driver at a hotel front desk trying to figure out where to deliver this carton of chocolate milk and issue of a magazine called Gun Babes

I should be able to write off lottery tickets on my taxes

Ive spent a few minutes trying to think of a spooky display name and i just realized serial killers are pretty spooky already. So job done 👍

(after smoking crack for 6 days straight) i am a rapper named Forgiato Blow

Ive lost 11lbs in the last two weeks and all i had to do is stop eating processed dog shit food and exercise every day and i want to kill myself so much please please let me eat string cheese again

One thing that would probably be more helpful is to make CBS totally irrelevant which means not sharing the constant stream of ragebait and disinformation they’re going to post

“Sent home” = “AWOL and happily dating a tattoo artist with a wolf cut who lives in Bridgeport”

These very true words from Steve Hely have given me tremendous comfort over the years.

Sexy Terminator: Rise of the Sexual Machines

the whole tron setting doesn't really make sense. why is the computer run by a fascist dictator? (sees my laptop updates weren't installed because some background software refused to quit) kill that program. kill it now. kill that program immediately

NO JESUS CHRIST THE TORTURE OF BASEBALL IS WHAT MAKES IT WORTH WATCHING

Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world,... I feel like I can't take it. And my heart is just going to cave in.

every single tech idea is like “soon our robots will be capable of playing catch with your kid, freeing you up to spend more time working on your employers’ spreadsheets”

i’m running for president in 2028, this is my platform: - no more spam texts and calls - smaller cars with weaker headlights - imprison every person in ice and the trump administration on a remote island for a thousand years

as someone who lived in seattle for a year i have always rooted for the mariners

in 2011, the president of antifa hired me to give fashion consultancy to the organization. i recommended everyone wear navy suits with tan shoes, dress sneakers, and golf polos with slim chinos. if you arrested everyone today wearing these things, you'd destroy antifa

Dodge is bringing back the V8 in Rams so guys can get even worse gas mileage on the way to family court

HORSES CAN BE CURED learn the truth at horse cure dot org

My boss: so how's our fourth quarter looking? Me, the sales manager at the company that makes inflatable frog suits: well, you're never going to believe this, but

If anyone near me lives in a mid mod rancher please know that the cruel antifa thugs have been specifically breaking into these houses only and i will buy your house from you for a “fair amount” because i am brave enough

call my girl jackson cuz she polack

anyone else notice that the west took a turn for the worse once the concept of signaling one’s own social virtue became derogatory, almost as if cynically deriding all displays of charity and good will is indicative of a deeply cynical and nihilistic society capable of collaborating in genocide

We should bring back dropping cryptic clues to our emotional states through the sharing of highly curated songs on our profiles

Full penetration football

peter thiel (clutching chrome plated human skull) tell me oracle... does the world end in fire, or ice? the passionate flames of the activist thunberg, or the frozen doom yudkowski demands? chatGPT: ✨ What a great question, Peter! ✨ Let's break that tough Q down 🕺, in your favorite epic style:

In video games, you will often find a fully roasted chicken abandoned on the ground, and eating it extremely quickly makes you feel better. What's less known is that this is also true in real life

I have received the Nobull Peace Prize. Because there's "No bull" on my feed. ✌️

i went to mastodon and its all the same people as on here except u look a little closer and its obvious theyve been crying

you are a cumulative being, you are not separate from anyone or anything. be kind to everything. life ends in misfortune and death no matter what you do. therefore, take the risks that interest you. this existence is just a particle of something larger. you are here to feel good while you live.

David Simon, creator of ‘The Wire’, being interviewed by Ari Shapiro (NPR)

Convince your neighbors you own a pet owl by yelling "has anyone seen my pet owl" through their letterbox at 4am

a high armhole allows for freer and more comfortable movement

the girlfriend of one of the founders of antifa

I hate you like my cat hates baseballs

I’ve been circling a cursed thought for a while and it’s time to let it out: These guys are Disney Adults for fascism.