MAH WIIIIFE left me

Jokes parody in minecraft

hairless chewbaccas for han solos with allergies. just a big pink fleshy naked guy strutting around yelling

What's wrong baby? You haven't touched your peach piss n fart cake.

my heart is a poorly trained dog but my head has an iron grip on the leash now

guys what if we behaved most excellently one to another

Im crapping farts out of my ass hole

President Donald J Trump has died

Wemby: bon matin, mon chere Wemby’s girlfriend: hello Wembanyama

Do NOT make mistakes

First day on the job and you want respect? Go right up to the most recognizable and respected guy in the newsroom and have him yell at you until you cry. Then it's time to send him a weepy email telling him how disappointed you were that he did all that. Shouldn't have any trouble after that.

i don't know what's going on with current events. i've been in the high desert, driving a tractor and howling at deer

me: chicken dingus drive thru speaker: (garbled)? me: one chicken dingus. make it hot speaker: (garbled) me: (angry) thank you (I pull forward and a gun pokes out of the drive thru window and blows me clean away)

(texting my friend Evil Larry) me: what's up dude Larry: matters most vile

Tony: And where the fuck is Christopher? Silvio: He’s in the Backrooms, Tone. Tony: The what? Paulie: He’s fallen into one of them libidinal spaces.

peaking on acid at 7-11 and a hot dog gets up from the roller and starts yelling at you

Your inelegant post has earned 👃🏆🥇⭐️ 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓤𝓹𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓷𝓮𝓭 𝓝𝓸𝓼𝓮 𝓸𝓯 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓓𝓪𝔂 ⭐️🥇🏆👃

learning how to become a sovereign citizen but for website moderation. i am not posting i am conveying

Getting my floyd pinked behind a 7-11

Making everyone a Supreme Court judge will solve all of America’s problems 1. Legal disputes settled by public instead of Samuel Alito 2. Universal employment, healthcare, pension 3. Everybody will call each other “Your Honor” bringing back civility and class

Without downloading any new pics to your gallery, throw your phone into a lake.

Politician: The army is broke. They can’t afford uniforms anymore. Unfortunately, soldiers will fight naked from now on *switches to next page of notes* Politician: For 250 years presidents have wanted to coat the Washington Monument with rubies

Paramount+ wanted to use the image on the left as a poster for the wrath of Khan, so they used everyone's least favorite technology to generate the rest of the image.

shorty i am straight unwell and dying

credit to jeff bezos this is pretty cool

I did a lot of data entry right out of college and got super good at using the numpad. perfectly typing in a long string on the numpad without looking feels so good, man. I bet this is what it felt like to be one of those archers at agincourt and see your arrow punch through a knight's chestplate

i love living in america, the country where people root for the cops like theyre a sports team

Just got paid. Put some 91 octane in my honda civic because it deserves a treat

HAN SOLO: Chewie's bandolier smells like a pickled womprat R2D2: *beep boop* HAN SOLO: how is that racist

In a few short hours this tiny little angel man will be viciously attacking my fingers while i attempt to sleep. Will i yell at him to stop? No, how could i?

as a former corvette owner i have to say that we are a simple bunch

i don’t think you should look at a turtle and think that you are better than the turtle

As Jabba the Hutt's son I'm often gatekept from progressive spaces due to preconceived notions about my family. At the same time, I acknowledge the reasonable concerns my presence would raise, and I'm working every day to unlearn the harmful attitudes instilled in me on my father's pleasure barge.

아제 새벽애 주운 망고 한마리를 봐줘

Happy birthday to the strongest troops of all: the working class 😏

Yeah man lemme get some orb meat with no sand make sure there no sand in there I don't want sand in my orb meat no grit papi don't make it silty just mad round yeah they you go uh huh that meat orbin now

I love to be in Adelanto, California, the town so nice the billboard lawyers advertise for habeas corpus motions not personal injury

🎶 lean on me when you're not strong i'll probably fall i'm not strong eiiiither

no creature in the history of the world has eaten as much as my kitten does

My bluesky posts are like The Velvet Underground: they suck

When another little boy has a figgy pudding