in Doom 2016 the evil corporation causes the problem because they were doing fracking in Hell to get infinite energy. this is more realistic than the plan for data centers in space

Ya know I could probably be a streamer if I played more than 1 video game a year an knew how to work the computer

Im going to open a grocery store that sells nothing but olives, loose

We found an Account

They are saying she is the nicest best cat of all time. And theyre right

not the kind of behavior I expect from the winner of the fifa peace prize

it's nuts that this conflict goes completely unremarked on. primal trad self-reliant provider culture that also wants to offload all cognitive work that has defined what it means to be a human being for all of history in favor of a technology that was invented 20 minutes ago

i don't care what the dictionary says, words mean what i think they mean

I will send you to hell.

Honestly, put the lead back into gasoline at this point. What difference would it make?

everyone is making fun of how you look and saying mean things because you drive around with snow on the roof of your car btw

The kind .. you find … in a second hand store

i was out saving the world while you were busy farting

erika kirk: "we serve a just god, and i rest easy in knowing that" jesus, walking out the strip club with his bros: "so i says to the guy 'i forgive the murder, but how'd you miss a head that big?'"

The only car ive ever had with a speed limiter was my corvette which the fine people at chevrolet decided to limit to a paltry 190mph

Newly Unsealed Batch Of Epstein Estate Photos Contains Rare Holographic Dershowitz

guy who wont go to the hospital bc people caring about him makes him uncomfortable

Moby Dick: Tokyo Drift

waiter: hi! welcome to Zapruder's. our specials today are the Brie Harvey Oswald and the Book Depositurkey me: where's your restroom waiter: back and to the left

do not talk to him

Me: yooooo you look like you were the first person to circumnavigate lunch Thick Ferdinand Magellan ai chatbot: muy divertido señor, but you know what’s not funny? Birth rates of the whites versus the blacks and browns. Click my big juicy ass to find out more

MY WIFE: all around the trees are naked. the sky is gray. cold wind like needles! ME: ok

my name is jason bourneofnowoman and i'm here to kill the king of scotland

OFFICIALLY-LICENSED AI GOOFY: Gawrsh, buddy! It seems like you've got it all figured out! All signs points to you being gang-stalked by enough people to fill a theme park! I guess you're going to have to take matters into your own hands, ah-hyuck!

saw your man with a little red bindle by the railroad tracks

thank god this is just my practice life before the real one

Stealworkers

You could say I am a sort of jack off all trades

Im fucking farting

The second sentence is a good summary of her career.

Me and the fellas beating the toxic masculinity out of each others souls

Ugly crying in the rain after getting fired, holding a cardboard box full of bear traps and tnt and ball bearings and shit. Bottom falls out and the whole mess hits the sidewalk and blows me to fuckin kingdom come

absolutely monday pilled. i’m toil-maxxing. going drudgery mode. stumblecore. hitting my slog goals.

Even if you think, incorrectly, that this repulsive technology has any place in mainstream culture, maybe it gives you pause that the worst people in the world are hell bent on making you use it.

paul stanley to host new cnn nightly cooze report, gene simmons to co-anchor

Well mister, I saw your comment but I don't think I saw a fav. Folks round here know that's a courtesy. I reckon you ain't feeling courteous.

I like whatever is wrong with my algorithm over there

jealousy psychiatrist

a new jersey-based christmas tree delivery service called Spruce Bringsteen

(being interviewed by local media after a body is found in my neighborhood) me: well pam i just hope to god it wasn't a dracula Pam: according to our sources the body was shot several times ME: it's not the 9th century anymore pam a dracula is more than capable of firing a gun

you know how i know im a 44yo dad? how much i laughed at this shit

Gritty movie trailer with a minor key version of It's Raining Men

if you are able to do so, please help out my friend JP 💜 #mutualaid

*brandishing a knife* bring us some figgy pudding

Antidepressants call that mirth control