LIZ: Un croissant, s'il vous plaît. JACK: Well said, Lemon. I didn't know you could speak disgruntled employee. LIZ: I have a French Peloton instructor I listen to while I'm sleeping. Croissant, Kenneth? KENNETH: French food, Miss Lemon? No, thank you! Lunch today is a bowl of Appalachian snails.

this is a state sponsored children's torture camp

This is the kind of shit I need to get on

the first layer of butter on toast or bagel is just the primer. you gotta let that melt into the foundation before applying the real layer of butter.

Happy one-year anniversary to the craziest sign I've ever seen in the window of a pizza shop

made eye contact with a door to door salesman while bringing the trashcans in and battle music started playing

god damnit I found myself living in a shotgun shack

Historian of abolition here, history tells us how we got here, to put it succinctly “John Brown was hanged for treason and Robert E. Lee was not.”

Rare cosmic horror Nancy drop

Daily bunny no.3316 steps right up!

they got reversible jackets, why not reversible friends sick of your buddy Noel? just turn him inside out and give Leon a try

hey we're out of soy milk so I just poured some soy sauce into regular milk you're welcome

Absolutely obsessed with this Portuguese town that lets artists spray-paint storefronts so they look like they're in cartoons I must make a pilgrimage to Rua dos Simpsons: www.nit.pt/fora-de-casa...

Now that they have AI porn how can I tell if I'm jacking off to the real Shrek

Daily bunny no.3311 knows is sorting by subject

"patched (the beat goes on)", oil, thread, maps, 10 1/4 x 14 5/8", 2026- $400(Cdn) #art

Could Shrek build a Gundam so powerful even He couldn't defeat it in hand to hand combat?

don’t know how to word this succinctly enough to convey their maddening story, but my friend had dhs violate his parole because they needed to fill a quota yesterday. He has lost his job and will be in jail for months b4 trial, his disabled author fiancé could really use some help if anyone has any

May the Firth be with you

Every splashy New York Times profile of a right wing influencer.

He’s worried about stepping on flowers. He loves nature.

Paul Bunyan seeing the statue of liberty across the country, howling like a wolf and sprinting at her on all fours, furrowing the grand canyon into existence with his boner

If you ever encounter an omniscient being it would be really easy to make fun of it and bully it. You could be like "hey you know what it feels like to get crushed to pulp inside a whale's asshole while trying to fuck it" and guess what knowing literally everything means

"The Boys are Back in Town" is meant to sound celebratory. But to those of us like myself who considered the boys our friends, it can hurt hearing it second-hand, like I'm the last one to find out

Steve Urkel, ascending and experiencing all of time simultaneously: will I have always done that?

well I'm 🎶 cross-faded check it and see 🎶 under the influence of booze and of weed

can't tonight, I'm practicing my idle animation, for when I'm standing still for more than 10 seconds. might just cross my arms and tap my feet exaggerated yawns are sick though, that's true

Obi-Wan: this kid sucks Qui-Gon: yeah he puts the mid in midichlorians Anakin: I heard that Qui-Gon: I legally own you

Batman: I'm the world's greatest detective, you'll never stump me Riddler: what's your secret identity Batman: Bruce Wayne you idiot Riddler: Batman: you absolute fool

they should let Mickey smoke weed in Kingdom Hearts

may 11, 1853 dearest hortense, progress on the homestead continues at pace, but mine dwindling supplies have forced the unthinkable: a weed run before noon. how could I have let this transpire? alas. please send more of our children for hard labor. raccoons attacked in the night and stole Timothy.

nurse said my blood pressure is 420/69 😎 then she ran out and got a hazmat suit, what's that about

drunk me: I should text my ex and eat an entire pizza high me: we are all made of the same stuff as stars, thus every human interaction is as significant as a collision between two galaxies, destructive, unstoppable and infinitely beautiful. I should eat this entire pizza

me: when did you win an Oscar? King Midas: that's my nephew

Q-tip instructions: do not insert into ear canal me:

her name should be sabrina singer

slowly sucking in my gut while I pee so it looks like I'm deflating. all the other guys at the urinal trough hooting and hollering like I'm David Blaine. guy in the stall is trying to shit faster cuz he knows he's missing out on something but he's not sure what

child: I dropped my yo-yo ma ma: we'll get you another one, come along now renowned cellist yo-yo ma, dangling from a cliff: please

Elderly Sonic unconscious in a hospital bed. Rings spontaneously burst out of his body, setting off alarms. Doctors and nurses scramble to cram the rings back in

@realfollowers.bsky.social take me down a peg

Everyone here is overly familiar with the Nazi bar analogy. If 8 people at the bar are "doing fine" and 2 people are destitute and suffering then you live in a society of destitution and suffering.

when I want another treat but I've hit my calorie count for the night then I remember the zero sugar ginger ale in the fridge

how to get on the internet in the 90s

holy fucking shit www.youtube.com/watch?v=tteh...

Daily bunny no.3286 is getting their refund