me: I'm hurtin', doc doctor: for a squirtin'? lmao me: no doctor: NURSE PREP THE OR

ask your doctor if sleepy time is right for you side effects may include cozy blankets, stuffed animals, a little kiss on the forehead, and sleep paralysis

babe, would you still love me if I'm not a real doctor but I am a real worm?

doctor: treatment is simple. you need more cardio, maybe a light jog in the evening. just avoid sewer drains, another poor boy was snatched last night Pennywise: but doctor..

Ash: did I catch 'em all? doctor: *reading test results* sadly, yes

doctor who slides into the room like Kramer and holds for applause before telling you your dad didn't make it through surgery

doctor: disease is terminal. go and see Pogo the Clown, he will put you out of your misery John Wayne Gacy: but doctor

and so the doctor says "I can't operate on this boy, he's my son, the great clown Pagliacci"

HAN SOLO: Chewie's bandolier smells like a pickled womprat R2D2: *beep boop* HAN SOLO: how is that racist

doctor: I'm very sorry. all we can do now is provide you with end of life care that preserves your comfort and dignity. unless... me: unless? Mr. Beast: *breathing on the outside of the third story window and writing "unless" backwards*

My wife is away for the weekend so the boys are coming over to plan a heist

"the damage from Godzilla looks just like Hiroshima or Nagasaki" Hideaki Anno:

They call her Laura Loomer because of the way she stands over your bed while you're asleep.

Daily bunny no.3132 gets a call

nw

OVER A MILLION USERS DISCUSS SUICIDE WITH CHATGPT EVERY *WEEK* what the fuck are we DOING here

who would be interested in joining a discord for a weekly (or more) movie night? for anyone who wants more people to watch and discuss stuff with, or for anyone who just wants to watch SOMETHING that's already been decided on instead of spending two hours scrolling Netflix and giving up

the Crank movies may not be perfect, but uh...well they're something

Miracle: This Tuesday! Albany! I’m live and in color. www.timesunion.com/books/articl...

would that it were so simple

one heartening thing is i dont think germans followed the SS around calling them lil bitch asses

Holy shit Mamdani has been winning since he was a little kid

did mushrooms with Theseus and he's just been staring at his ship for like two hours

Oh come on, you know him. He's the one who likes all our pretty songs? Sings along? Shoots his gun? Kinda slow on the uptake?

This is what they took from you

⠀ ✨ n n n againnnnnn jacking off Team Rocket's

oh so the hit film Congo featuring a gorilla who drinks martinis and uses a robot arm to talk and Laura Linney killing other gorillas with a laser gun and Tim Curry as a racist who gets yelled at for eating sesame cake and John Hawkes screaming himself to death was just a fever dream?

*standing stock still, facing the corner of the room, not even looking over my shoulder* wh-what are you doing step-blair witch?

it's raining cats and dogs. or one of each. hey is that CatDog? oh no, he's coming in way too fast

me: Ralph Ralph Fiennes: no, Ralph me: what did I say? Ralph Fiennes: you said Ralph me: and it's...? Ralph Fiennes: Ralph me: Ralph Ralph Fiennes: no

I love that I'll never know for sure if a review for something online is genuine or AI-generated, probably ever again

our beloved king's deteriorating body and disturbing mental lapses are simply an indicator of how often he now leaves the physical plane to commune with god. it's a sign of great strength

pronouncing Denis Leary like Denis Villeneuve

ozymandias or, the poet's barely disguised foot fetish

Nuremburg trials is the moderate position

keep an eye out for portents and omens today, playboy

🎶 and you stare at meeeeee in your

I don’t eat meat anymore. Ever since America repealed every food regulation that kept Upton Sinclair from spinning in his grave, protein of unknown provenance prepared with slapdash hygiene standards haunt me. I simply cannot get down with dubious rotisserie chicken from The Jungle.

me: Ralph Ralph Fiennes: no, Ralph me: what did I say? Ralph Fiennes: you said Ralph me: and it's...? Ralph Fiennes: Ralph me: Ralph Ralph Fiennes: no

Please share or donate if you can

Man goes to doctor. Says he’s depressed. Doctor says “great clown pagliacci is in town. Go see him. You’ll feel better” Man says “but doctor, don’t you mean great magician clown *throws smoke bomb on floor and when it clears he is in full clown getup* PAGLIACCI!” Doctor:

Growing concerned that Boo Boo might be the world's most photogenic kitten.

I’m only ok for four more days and then I’m going to be flat broke and unhoused without even SNAP. 😰

sorry I can't come out tonight, I remembered what they did to Ally Sheedy at the end of Breakfast Club so I'm not in a great headspace

Sandwich man leaving court