The worst small town is Calzona, which is roughly the halfway point between Los Angeles and the worst major American city, Phoenix.

They didn’t bring this one over to Bluesky.

following Axl Rose around and making completely insane requests then muttering "So much for truth in advertising" every time he says "no" to some shit like "Make Slash do a windmill dunk"

AXL ROSE: Welcome to the jungle, we got fun and games We got everything you want, honey we know the names ME: I wanna ride a gigantic house cat like one would a Clydesdale AXL ROSE: Shit we don't have that, pick something else

[Axl Rose voice] you’re a very sexy girl Who’s very hard to please You should speak with your therapist About vocalizing your emotional needs IN THE JUNGLE—

Iran has bombed 3 Amazon Data Centers in the UAE and Bahrain.

NEW: Last week, oil literally rained down on a Black town in rural Louisiana where 60% of folks live in poverty. The company isn’t taking responsibility & the federal + state governments are saying residents have to clean it up themselves. capitalbnews.org/louisiana-oi...

I’m sorry, but “Barzilla” is the name of a battle rapper at Scribble Jam 2002

really big fan of action shots of show rabbits

im ngl, the situation around the strait of hormuz is getting more complicated by the minute, here's an annotated map explaining whats going on and what this means for america 😬

Los Angeles Bluesky, I need your help. I just learned that on Saturday at the protest at the downtown Metropolitan Detention Center, a friend’s 18-year-old son was shot in the eye with a pepper ball by DHS, permanently blinding him. He needs justice. If you were there and saw anything, please… 1/5

reading this added 5 years to my life

The 3,500 have also been invited to Whiskey Friday with Tony Doukopil

Come the fuck on.

I hate the fuckin Thunder.

Lu Dort 4/4 from 3

Chet Holmgren is an excellent basketball player who also falls like he’s one of the corpses in Coffin Flop

wearing my new Baseball Prospectus shirt at the gym to let the ladies know I’m a Certified Cheek Clapper and Unrelenting Cooze Hound and that I can make eye contact for more than 7 seconds

dressing my laptop up in a pink wig and Japanese schoolgirl uniform to prove that AI is also weirdly into hentai

Trump doesn't do policy. His speeches are all just rancid vibes. Last night's was a crowning moment for the sense that, right, this vile clod is the thing people are going to see from here on out if you tell them to picture America.

I love having a WE BUY JUNK CARS business card put on my car; I love having someone else’s trash made my responsibility.

Pam Bondeez

Oh my god, the Texas Rangers invented Homer's nacho hat

using my PS5 to charge my laptop because I’m too lazy to get off the couch. work smarter.

“Unserious” has become a dull instrument at the hands of Internet Libs, but I turned my TV on just in time to witness NASA administrators take a question from what appeared to be a 22-year-old representing the Epoch Times. And, shit, man, that’s so fucking unserious.

I am also interested in my high-risk plan to drift a Ferrari Daytona into the Naismith Basketball of Fame and steal a Magic Johnson jersey while shooting twin revolvers like Yosemite Sam

Makoto Kobayashi

it's her day

Chinga la migra, friends! (Old friend introduced me to that just yesterday, to my great delight.)

We are at LAKER GAME

a “public-private partnership” yeah right I’ll publicly kick you in the privates, partner

“You got your chocolate in my dick pills!” “You got your dick pills in my chocolate!”

Much like 8Ball and MJG’s “Space Age Pimpin,” I’m a Space Age Hater. I’m hating in the year 2053. I’m hating in 4D. I’m hating on people you haven’t even considered hating on yet.

As a queer person covering the Bulls, the team’s response to Jaden Ivey's homophobic comments came as a relief. But the guard’s beliefs — and willingness to vocalize them — were not a surprise. If Artūras Karnišovas can’t vet his trades, why should he continue running the Bulls front office?

The Jaden Ivey situation seems more like a manic episode than a guy suddenly becoming comfortable evangelizing vaguely Christian dogma on Instagram Live. That’s Jonathan Isaac Shit.

This is not what Pimp C recommended.

objectively the funniest critique an american could level at another country

(completely humiliating myself and ruining everything) alright, let's wind this thing down

"What if a law is passed on Opposite Day?" Awesome, Elena. Thank you.

dudes rock

we fuckin in the baseball-themed hotel room overlooking the field at Rodgers Center tonight

Looking very ovoid today!