A pants shitting.

I never thought my best friend Leandro Trossard would do this to me.

Sergiño Destitute

Why yes, that’s a Spain fan air guitarring an inflatable Iberico ham leg. How can you not be romantic about the World Cup.

Incredible move to substitute both wings but leave Ronaldo on. Like operating on someone with cancer and removing everything but the tumor.

Dani Olmo looks like he’s just snuck a piece of chocolate and he’s hiding it from his mom

The two-year-olds are obsessed with my ladybug socks. “Bug!”

The World Cup is nuts because the highest stake matches are often refereed by a completely overwhelmed guy who typically works in the Sudanese #1 League for Stars of Sport.

This is remarkable refereeing (derogatory)

There’s your problem 🥴

Ah, the round of 16, where the rubber (Mexico) meets the road (a superior opponent, typically European).

Declan Arroz

I can fix her. (I can’t fix her.)

Just hit goose-related traffic in Silver Lake

Brazilians Waxed

A suspiciously favorable administrative decision means we're a real soccer country now.

This is just like when FIFA arbitrarily lifted Ronaldo's red card suspension except it makes the team better

People had clearly forgotten that Paraguay routinely plays the nastiest, least attractive soccer of any South American nation. Punishing to play against, punishing to watch.

the coolest person who’s ever been to space and it’s not close

going on Love Island because I think it’s a show about the 1960s Los Angeles psych rock group

"He is emphatically not on the team” is absolutely killing me

Smoking on that shit that makes you Gary for the rest of your life

Today we remember our most sexual presidents: George Bush, Dick Nixon, Hairy Ass Truman, Lyndon Big Johnson, and, of course, Martin Van Buren (ate pussy like a hog at a trough).

Would rather annihilate my family than read this

One of the best Wiki pages!

Teoscar Hernandez GRAND SLAM for the lead, complete with Joe Davis foreshadowing.

Teoscar Hernandez imo

Does Colombia know they still win if it’s 1-0?

There should be more commercials with David Beckham.

Cape Verde lost, but they’ve earned their place in World Cup Valhalla next to Tim Howard and the 1974 Netherlands squad.

gonna create a set piece where someone walks over to Emi Martinez and punches him in the wiener

I haven’t seen a bunch of Argentinians look this nervous since Adolf Eichmann was captured.

Tubarões Azuis

I’ve always been Cape Verdean, I just never talked about it. This is huge for us Cape Verdeans.

I’m starting to think these Minions are Deeply Unserious.

Air to Ground Message: TOP UP POTABLE WATER LAV MUST BE DONE...ITS CRITICAL..ITS STINK BAD Area: Jersey Shore, NJ, USA A: #abebe6fcf85 F: #fded8fae587

The Ham and Cheese Croissant Wanter

every other post right now looks like

My teammates and I are recording our player introduction videos. Our left back crosses his arms and stares icily into the camera. Our goalkeeper taps the badge on his chest to signify loyalty. I do the "jerking off and spraying cum everywhere" motion and I'm sent home from the World Cup.

This is also what happens to me when I go to the airport.

i can't believe these fuckin guys are ruling over us

He released a book of Chinese-to-English translations despite not speaking a word of Chinese. He was the first Quirked Up White Boy to Catch A Vibe.

If any college or university wants to hire me, I promise not to say anything bad about Charlie Kirk. I won’t say he died trying to suck his own dick.

I live in fear of workouts I do voluntarily and can quit at any time.

I’m holding two thoughts in my head at once. Look at me go.