Okay, Kokomo is good now

I like when Megan on the leftovers gets in charge of her breakaway extremest sect of the guilty remnant and starts getting blowouts and wearing sexy dresses

Once again heading to the function head to toe in gap

My uber driver is playing a remix of super bass that sounds incredible

Horney's (on Main) Clinton, IN

Walking down the aisle to better off alone by Alice deejay

The legs on the phrase “go piss girl” defy linguistic logic

On the metra transfixed by the excel document the guy in the row in front of me is working on. I’m googling what the words mean on his slides. Spectator sport

Googling if I can have my boobs out at a play because ive never been to a real one before

Goose2goose

Amy Coney Barrett has Haitian children and I hope they one day cut her out of their lives entirely.

If god is real send some frogs to the Supreme Court like cmon

She won.

We should make asphalt white

I hate my foes so much

Feeling weary and pissed off by the social dynamic of people defending their AI usage to me in conversation when I say that I don’t use it for anything. Why are you pitching me on this? If it’s so good why do you need to evangelize its use case? Why do i need to make you feel good about it?

Imagining Michael Douglas pulling this out in an early 90’s erotic thriller where he’s a high powered corporate lawyer being blackmailed

Netflix what do I have to do to get actual closed caption accurate subtitles for dubbed anime. I’m no longer asking I’m demanding this

kash putting his girl front and center.....lotta y'all could learn from this!

MP stands for ministers prime

waking up in a cold sweat, shaking, screaming OH NO THANKS I'M ALL SET

Who approved 50 across in the NYT crossword today. I just want to talk

Went wedding dress shopping with my friend this weekend and her very republican mom was talking about how Elon musk is the antichrist and is ushering in the rapture using disinformation from AI. And you know what? Absolutely my queen you are so right. It’s called big tent politics. Look it up

(To the tune of glycerine) eucerin

I’ll say it. They need to adjust cbs reality tv show grand cash prizes for inflation

My project

Splayed

There’s never been a better time to commit federal crimes in Chicago

I get her tbh. I also put all my principles and dignity in the back seat when I’m trying to get an odd but compelling man’s approval

At a certain point everyone needs to come to grips with the fact that the reason voters around the globe are electing the parties they are is because many of them are atavistic racist morons and not because [random policy you prefer] wasn’t enacted

Since 2018 I’ve been on an endless quest to find Tex mex breakfast tacos in Chicago and I think I’m the closest I’ve found at el bagelero. He told me next time he can make migas for me off menu and that people from Texas always ask for them. Sorry we’re so annoying yall

The leftovers is about a man named Kevin who’s been having the worst day of his life every day for 5 years

tired of the "#1 dad" nonsense. if you're a dad, stop treating it like a joke and post your actual national dad ranking. i'm # 492,018, which is actually really high up there, but more importantly it lets me enter ranked dad lobbies where i can get matched up for fistfights with dads of my caliber

Happy birthday to all fathers

i think the reflecting pool has gone from “haha what a dumb ass” to “appointing a horse to the senate” level of story here

2 cocktails ✅ Sunset architecture cruise ✅✅ The tour guide is an old man wearing zip off cargo pants ✅✅✅

My cats when I come home past 10pm

Went to the casino for 10 minutes and turned $50 into ten cents bc we don’t know how slot machines work

Got my friend who doesn’t drink much to split a carafe of sangria with me so now I’m drinking an entire carafe of sangria

Friendly reminder that Barack Obama does not care about you

Didn’t think this was possible but I got some jeans that are too long

stepping down from my tower and out of my fortress onto the open battlefield with my tactical familial detachment, automatic ammunition in one hand and sword in the other. my husband/son at, or possibly on, my back

They should make a benzo that doesn’t give you dementia

Ann dowd I would never take a shit on another woman’s chest without asking you first if you were interested

We need to talk about Kevin (Garvey)

When I was a kid I never thought about how much I’d have to consider my pelvis as an adult but that’s what your 30s are all about. Where is that pelvis. What’s it doing. Etc

I don’t think this is fair or right of me to say but every single clip I see from Amy poehlers podcast makes me angry at her

Air to Ground Message: FYI 35 YEAR OLD MALE SEAT 24 E HAS PASSED OUT 3 TIMES IS AWAKE NOW. FA ARE TRYING TO REACH MEDLINK NOW. ENGLISH SOCCER FAN WHO HAS ONLY CONSUMED BEER TODAY. Area: Louisville, KY, USA Type: Airbus A319 A: #a5cc94e6dad F: #f2904c1ddd3

Put a nectarine in my smoothie this morning. Remarkable

Sobbing watching videos of deaf cats seeing their owners on instagram and getting startled