jesus christ, the dude even emailed himSELF

no, no, Frankenstein is the doctor. the Monster is the guy who casts americans to do british dialects.

CLAIM: The government is run by a secret society of pedophiles RATING: FALSE. This society is in no way a secret

and this is the stuff they’re not careful enough to keep out of their emails.

“chlolchlalte”

look, the main thing is, I like it when someone has a dialect where when they say “chocolate” it sounds like there are at least 2 extra “L’s”

Here it is, from @clairewillett.bsky.social

emailing someone is not a definitive sign of affiliation. for instance, I hate everyone who has ever emailed me

It’s just like the old saying “there is no honor among thieves, and there is no tradecraft among billionaire pedophiles”

“Hey, replyall, just following up on my last ‘Don is a pedo’ message, no rush, just wanted to make sure there wasn’t anything else you needed from me.”

at least we’re saying “Merry Christmas, pedophile billionaires” again

anyway, maybe if I wait a while, dinner will just sort of exist without me making it

(stifling vomit) sure ok

our tough guy president is more than happy to kill boats filled with suspected drug smugglers. I wonder how he feels about suspected pedophiles?

on one hand, wow. on the other hand, are there really "insights" into Trump that the Russians couldn't just fucking see? with their eyes? for free?

mm, I don't know, JD, I think there are a couple pedophiles you know who have some pretty severe tension headaches this afternoon.

My friend Jeff, everyone. Seconding the fuck outta this.

I love how the fascists keep insisting that Bill Clinton is on the list, and we keep telling them we don’t care. Ain’t nobody trying to stand between you and Bill Clinton. Pack them all up.

he's pretty fucking horrible even without the Epstein Files, actually

I always suspected that electing a stupid corrupt bigoted pedophile would turn out to have some kind of a downside.

I often have multiple emergency meetings about things that really don't bother me at all because I'm totally innocent.

the concept of informing the family group chat they voted for a pedophile twice so groceries could be cheaper but now everything’s expensive no one has a job and other countries won’t send us mail.

ok can I say something but nobody can yell at me for it?

you know, when I saw the first 1,082 pieces of ironclad evidence that the president was a pedophile over the course of several decades, I was of course skeptical. but now...

on top of everything else, he is just such trash

Starfield is a game about loneliness and isolation that teaches you that one can harness incredible power through self-reliance, broken connections, dogged determination. That’s why most people hate it so much, but also why it makes some unseen people feel seen.

when every other person on social media saw the aurora borealis but you

no, I didn’t see any “northern lights.” I did a little something called “watching television” ever heard of it?

hokay, that is too many emojis in that profile header, cowgirl

“Is Neo The One?” “Ermmm, I mean, who else are you gonna get at this point?”

They quit making pennies so now I have to beat people with a sock full of nickels. Damn inflation

anyway my boss was making a point and he said, "It reminds me of that movie...um..." and then he paused to think before giving any more context. one of my coworkers shouted out "Look Who's Talking Too"

the point is, we need to tax people down to a level where their net worth doesn't make everybody tell stupid people that their ideas are brilliant

as always, this is just what happens when a guy has so much money that no one is allowed to go... "that is the dumbest fucking idea I have ever heard. don't say that again. don't speak for one calendar year" ...in meetings.

this is the kind of nonsense that comes out of a ponzi scheme guy's mouth when you tell him you want to cash out

it seems like the timeline consistency problems in the Bond films could all be solved by realizing that no one gives a shit

I like the part in the three little pigs where they build the brick house, and they're finally safe, and then a couple of the pigs make a deal with the wolf to let him do whatever he wants.

want to feel old? Mamdani was elected exactly one thousand years ago

hey, they should invent a mortgage that lasts until the day you die and you never own the place no matter how much you pay

1,000 year mortgage or GTFO

anyway, I have an idea for a new kind of toaster where you tell it how light or dark you want the toast and then it sets it on fire immediately.

even chuck schumer’s imaginary friends are like “ah, fuck that guy”

anyway, I just want there to be a thing in the constitution where you can have a vote to make a senator poor for life

just saw a commercial for insurance that said “only pay for what you need” which is the literal definition of what insurance is not like

anyway, “why did I put my glass down on my phone like it’s a coaster: a memoir” is going to be a big, big hit.

I like it when they go WE WILL NEVER STOP FIGHTING FOR YOU in the exact moment that they are stopping fighting for me

anyway, in "point of no return" (1993) when she's holding Gabriel Byrne at gunpoint and he's going "don't worry, everything's fine" and she goes "BULLSHIT, EVERYTHING'S FUCKED" I felt that.

Hell is empty. All the devils crave some attention.