You're doin' fine kid.

ME: Sorry I can't remember your names. I don't know how many of us are going to be around in a little while. REGULAR AT MY RESTAURANT: It's okay. I come here cause I don't know how to cook! HIS WIFE: He's Grisham, but yes, he's doomed. And I'm Maryann. And I still need my red.

ME: He just wasn't any good in the sack. You know what that means? MY CAGE DOG WHO I GOT SO I HAD SOMETHING TO KEEP IN MY CAGE: Auu ME: I'm so glad we can talk like grown ups now. You're my little grown up. You saved me.

its that time again

why do I always fall for this exact ship dynamic

does anyone have more of these they're really good

i told y’all i was hype asf for the iphone content

Careful, that’s my load bearing delusion

I really actually dislike the level to which cars have become phones. Not the ability to make calls, but the giant stupid touch screen that lets you be severely distracted while driving totally legally all the time. It's hard not to notice how many people are constantly poking at it in traffic

bitch said "typer" instead of "typed"

If you think porn addiction isn't real, you have accepted an extremely limited definition of porn. Society is so addicted to porn that we produce it almost exclusively.

Lol I forgot one of Billium Stencil's fans called me an "Ethnonarcissistic Indian"

I HAD BLOCKED THIS OUT BUT SOMEONE JUST LIKED IT AHHHH

x files bisexuals are oppressed in this legend of zelda bisexuals world

Rent as we know it should already be illegal, but making people bid on rent should be double illegal and get the death penalty.

Jeans: *fit me perfectly* *checks pockets* *There are no-depth vulvaplasties that create more usable space than these fucking cosmetic-ass pockets*

there's too many straight people

AI might be able to tell me that ice makes water colder, but it can't alternate between depression spirals and manic maladaptive daydreams while deciding whether to cry or masturbate to help it fall asleep. And I think that's what makes humanity beautiful.

All I want is to cook a delicious meal for someone I love and spend the evening lying in their arms watching their favorite show. Why does this feel like a far-fetched fantasy.

I'm tired of yearning. Yearning fucking sucks. I want someone to want ME.

let the bodice hit the floor

Realizing my new dishwasher doesn't have WiFi or an app

Without downloading any new photos, what’s it like to date you?

Here’s the VOD for the cube stream! It’s been a really fun project these past few months putting this together. It’ll be back on the FNPF at the end of May where we’ll showcase the 720 version! youtu.be/BAraMaPXRI0

apple typhlosion

Chiitan Car Wash Service 洗車サービス始めましたっ貴方の愛車をピッカピカっ☆

putting a random flag emoji in my display name every day and seeing who gets mad

you look so cute reading this

hey,, tonight can we maybe cuddle while you lay on my chest and tell me about your day,, maybe i could pat your soft head and play with your hair while i tell you what a good girl you've been for me, how beautiful you look right now, and how much you mean to me while you drift off to sleep 🥺💞

kissing that girl who overthinks things 𝙢𝙬𝙬𝙪𝙖𝙝 right on the lips, no more thinking for you beautiful

connecting with the new generations through the shared fact that we don't read books

Trying to scream but being unable to is the feeling of being trans in 2026 but fuck would it be so much worse if I hadn't already been on HRT. Just take the fucking hormones. Trust me, it helps things to feel better.

this is what sam altman is doing to all the worlds ram supply at 65,536 hits per second

There's no way in hell you're gonna get Texans to en masse stop shopping at HEB.

dead economy theory. all the money moving around is by bots

many of you would fold in this situation

for anybody who doesn't know about the deer whale thing here ya go

🐌 guy who uses the same grinder for coffee, weed, and gay hookups

ew, i'd never eat out of a fucking dog bowl dude, are you kidding me? my Owner has to use a puzzle feeder or else i choke while im eating :/

built different (fragile, high maintenance, and a little bit evil)

y'all mind if a white boy indulges in some earthly pleasures?

I... Declare... LESBIANISM!!!