can’t sleep ugh i was so tired all day and now it’s sleep time and i can’t sleep

hot AND funny??? damn bitch who hurt me

my brain can simultaneously hold two truths: 1) she’s only being nice to me because i’m hot, she doesn’t actually like me 2) she’s only telling me i’m hot to be nice, she doesn’t really think i’m hot

he’s smiling because he just heard that lindsay graham died shitting himself

pretty sure they used a robot for mine

posting this Classic over here in honor of the big man himself. adios bitch

more and more beautiful women that i meet are telling me im one of the most beautiful woman they’ve ever met crazy how many liars there are out there

the resolution to hades 2 is very funny to me. yeah grandpa, calm the fuck down, dude, it’s literally fine

i’m gonna break this grink (grandpa twink)

i know the politics is more important but i don’t think enough ink has been spilled yet about how the mayor is fine as hell

sen lindsay graham died of having a frown that got too big and his jaw fell off

i guess that weird old faggot is rotting in hell now

sudden and brief illness is my favorite beastie boys album

all of my kinks are normal and cool actually, idk what u freaks are up to

We all have to post as hard as possible about Lindsey Graham's death so we can see who wins by getting cited in an article in the Atlantic about how Bluesky is destroying the fabric of American politics next week.

i was having gay sex when that bitch died rest in piss bozo

the wonderful in between period when i know a girl wants to gf me but wants to wait until our next date so she can make it romantic 💕💕💕

damn this sex stuff is pretty cool actually

this is still such a problem, like even looking for designs to practice now i have to be extra careful it wasn’t made using a design pack full of ai generated slop

sunning my yoni

do u think in supernaturalverse there’s monsters and ghosts and stuff in new york? maybe they unionized or its like a mafia thing

everything i own on the move now were like halfway done with this long ass day

move is happening move is happening cortisol through the roof move is happening ahhhhh

Oh, you respond to dopamine? Me, I prefer smartamine but you do you

i had an idea for a mix that i thought would be dope but got discouraged that i didn’t have the skill to make it happen, then i remembered who i am and was like “oh yeah i can just ask one of my many dj friends to do this instead”

i love a movie where young matt damon plays a blue collar genius in a city in the northeast

the prayer worked 🙏

i did it i beat typhon eat shit monster daddy

playing through hades 2 and narcissus’s pond got all green and murky and that’s a culturally very funny metaphor for me, a 39 year old liberal white woman

i was worried my pussy looked weird and smelled weird and sarah said welcome to womanhood

gringus khan

rate me: boobs: yup funny: u betcha art: sometimes pussy: present legs: that go all the way up smart: no well adjusted: 136 hd: 80

most of my moves i’ve had like a month to prepare and this time i have like a couple days and im freaking out ahhhh im gonna live closer to my friends THIS WEEK

they made these popsicles taste too good, mods

watching the separate ways music video and for ostensibly a bunch of rock stars journey sure looked like a bunch of dorks

the longer i spend with sarah the closer i get to being the second most well adjusted woman of all time

jesse plemons:matt damon::michael pitt:leonardo dicaprio

orgy where everyone pairs off to do white boy missionary with their eyes closed and leaves after 3 minutes

i used to listen to a podcast called It Could Happen Here and it’s very funny to me that the title has taken such a different meaning

today would be one of the funniest possible days for it to happen

they’re unionizing a walmart now this show rules

this is the second episode of this show i’ve caught making doctor who references

the most unbelievable thing about this episode is that the owner of a portland gastropub is having to convince a server at a portland gastropub that adding police to a situation makes it less safe

omg they named the two cheerleaders ashley and madison i love this show so much

boymoding? no u misheard, im boymogging

british people have to be genuinely so mad to talk this way, it’s actually a sign of immense distress

agp actually stands for a girls penis

ok but what if it happened tomorrow

i keep getting just the best push notifications on my phone. i love being a transsexual woman