What the F**k. No clue how I knew to check this... Intuition? 🤔 Grassy Knoll. Ford's Theater. UVU Court Yard. Yup. All 3 aligned on a perfect circle. How dumb to they think we are?

What's BlueSky been like the past 24 hours? I haven't checked and prob won't

Seething at the impending seasonal appropriateness of my neighbor's Halloween perma-decorations

that polyamorous moment when your gf sleeps with someone else, so now there's a power imbalance you can only fix by saying you did too 😭

call her trump the way she's having a stroke we mustn't tell anyone about

the worthless assfuck who corrected me when I called tomorrow “Memorial Day”:

one legitimately cool thing about Boy Scouts is how they let us burn the flag as part of the Free Speech Merit Badge

actually disgusting that on top of everything else, Taylor had to post THIS

nowhere is Gen Z's timid (and reactionary !) sexual politics more evident than on Tinder. 10 years ago, 18-20 year olds responded to me *fairly often*. now they almost never even swipe right. like, why are you even on here ?

I hate when the doctor comes in and proceeds to wash his hands. Like wtf were you just touching.

I'm PhD in graphic design and Cracker Barrel's REAL problem is they didn't go *far enough*

I wish when the pilot said "This is your captain speaking", we could all scream in unison: "These are your passengers listening!"

If you could remove 1 letter from any state name and everyone had to go along with it, what would it be?

i actually don't think SA is that bad. def better than Dallas or Houston

share a piece of woke about yourself that had you like this at your high school

I love writing mental reviews of friends like some kind of friendship connoisseur. "She always makes her feelings known, but never makes them anyone else's problem."

"I can't swim I forgot my swimsuit" Your mind is a cage now strip to your underwear

No one would pretend to hate Brutalism if it had a softer, cuddlier name

Once you know about the "14 words" dogwhistle it's insane how often you notice someone using it

Intrusive thoughts are nothing to be ashamed of. 94% of people get them! Movie screenings should include a moment to act on our intrusive thoughts beforehand. Get them out of our system, so we can settle in and enjoy the movie.

so obnoxious when people assume my feeder fetish means I can't be a good person. like, I iterally volunteer at the soup kitchen

"Blue is the Warmest Color" is widely accepted as the greatest lesbian film of all time. But from a color theory standpoint, its title makes little sense. A THREAD:

I love shaking hands with a "left handed" person. Like that's right bitch, right hand out, them's the rules 😏

'Eww she fucking the weed man for weed' - a bitch that's fucking the Love, Mutual Respect & Authentic Connection man for Love, Mutual Respect & Authentic Connection

(gnostic youth pastor) Thanks for that, Kai! Yup, some of our princex parts only tingle *after* emotionally bonding with someone. Speaking of, I know another kind of "demi urge"...

For sale: baby shoes, very worn. My husband was a tiny footed freak who died scampering around

48 hrs later no response is actually unhinged 🙃

any tips on how to give a single fuck about anyone on bluesky

How must I degrade myself to go "Bluesky viral"

Last week, my gf and I co-decided to let her end our relationship. Today, I was horrified by what I found on her computer: that her end of this co-decision was made under the sycophantic influence of ChatGPT. I never thought AI-induced psychosis would touch MY life. I was naive.

Someone should study how diving into AI makes us absorb its capabilities. When I hit ~50k image prompts, I noticed something insane: Simply *thinking of* a prompt would cause images to "appear" in my mind. I can't really explain, but it's like I "see" it MENTALLY—without seeing it visually.

One of the most insidious ways men take up space is by whistling.

people seem fixated on him passing away "after his final concert". is that not just what happens by definition?

I hate how "cancelled" now gets used to just mean "will not take place", "taken off the air", etc. even when it's not a result of someone doing something cancellable. like no, your show was not "cancelled", they just *ran out of money and had to stop* 🙃

it's funny when someone learns japanese. all that work and literally no one cares

my therapist just blew my mind. "relationships are like games. if someone cheats, that means the rules were unfair." THANK YOU. 😭

Nothing screams "3 years HRT" like jumping to ostentatiously reference a kink you supposedly have. Like, replying "get so hard i pass out" to any mention of sisters/feet/puppies/etc.—kinks few people arrive at except by mimicking others (most of whom are also faking it).

nowhere is poor spiritual hygiene more legible than in someone's tolerance for graphic violence in entertainment

As a 5th grade math teacher, I don't teach PEMDAS—"Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally". We don't know what microaggression your "dear" aunt committed, but we DO know "excuse" is just "enable" in the language of the oppressor. So I teach *PEMDAS*—"Please EDUCATE My Dear Aunt Sally".

Twitter fame is the closest a trans woman can get to feminine sexuality. Blinded by seenness; ravaged by the seeing ether, that octopus lover on a Japanese woodblock—Ah! Whence each wet caress, each 'Like'! Am I a woman? I am the no-thing squirming under each suctioncup kiss ! 😀

Is it just me, or are zoomers having less sex than we did? Every one of our interns just dissociates into that "COVID stunted me" stare whenever I ask about the last time they got laid