why is "can't detect sarcasm" supposed to be an autistic thing ?? what could possibly be more autistic than consulting your mental model of someone to assign a probability that their utterance is sincere.

“How do you circle that square” makes no sense as an idiom for “do something hard”. A square is one of the easiest shapes to circle, actually !

Posting at night, women take flight; Posting in morning, employers take warning.

I hate rage baiters so much. The entire reason you bait is to manipulate people into remembering who you are, bc if they don’t, they can’t be in on “the joke”. What childhood hangups got you addicted to hijacking other people’s pointless attention?

One bizarre subtext in Harry Potter is how the Dursley’s are implied to be Dominican

(JK Rowling thinking of a name to put on a driver’s license) John Doe

Russiagate taught us about dezinformatsiya (lit. “misinformation”) and kompromat (harder to translate). Epstein’s ties to Russia make more sense in the context of pedofiliya (педофилия), lit. “love-of-children”. (In Russian, the “love-of” is a wry innuendo for sexual attraction)

Why do they call it the “Madonna-Whore Complex”? I won’t call Madonna (or any woman !) a “wh*re”… but how is she of all people supposed to be opposite than one 😭

How is this bread’s name spelt?

Wild that these things have largely disappeared, and yet “segway into [a topic]” has become a permanent figure of speech meaning “transition into a topic”.

Did you know synæsthesia goes both ways? This color instantly enters my mind as the word “blue”. No, it’s not just that I “know the word for the color blue”. It’s something more profound. This color isn’t just blue; it’s *synonymous with the word* “blue”.

TIL a snail’s brain takes up 90% of its shell, making it more intelligent than most mammals

Why is having a stepdad lowkey cuck vibes?

DEPRESSED FARMER: I’m gonna sell farm

My intrusive thoughts really had me paranoid that everyone on the bus hated my TikTok feed today 😭

That ADHD moment you accidentally send her a dick pic… and that OCD moment you have to ask her what she thought 😭

If someone has a problem with something you like or do, reframe it as something you ARE. This demonstrates to them that they don't simply wish you'd behave differently—they wish you didn't exist. Their logic exposed as genocidal, they'll be too cowardly to express it.

Some people you can just tell they shit bad/unhealthy

I feel insanely lucky to have had my adolescence line up perfectly with the peak of music/film/art/aesthetics

that autistic moment you have to sit her down and explain why condoms are actually extremely uncomfy for you 🙃

no bc why do I see a movie and start expereincing the characters emotions 😭

-40° Celsius sounds a lot colder than it is

I hate when women ascribe their moods to “ovulating”, “about to start my period”, etc. It’s a low-agency framing.

ACAB includes most police officers

It says much about our society that the blue on the trans flag is an actually quite girly blue.

I can’t stand people who talk about themselves. Amateurs at being a person among people. wym you don’t know how to make yourself known twofold by talking about other things 🤡

If a “boobs guy” were woman he’d be a “balls guy” 🤡 Only “ass man” would get to like cocks

I’m an English teacher and my students can’t even memorize an Edgar Allan Poe poem. How tf do you forget what comes after “quoth the raven”? It’s never been “moreover”

I started carrying these on Tinder dates, just in case my date buys into this lie that 2 humans can’t connect without alcohol. Unusual move? Sure. But it’s not “weird” to center authentic connection (+ consent, if it ever comes to that !)

Anyone else lowkey glad things are getting bad bc it makes people who had kids look stupid ?

Gonna be lit as fck when AI can generate TV shows on command... “Generate Severance S16 E04 --pacing=slowburn --dylan=deadpan --loredrops=5 --new mysteries=3 --big reveals=1 --perpetuity wing=yes --ending=cliffhanger --helly=panties --tone=cerebral --ar 21:9” 😊

I saw a giraffe on safari 😂

Name 1 bigger red flag than if he has been cheated on

Here’s “One Piece” of advice… anime will turn you into a реdорhilе !

. @AmySchumer.bsky.social please make Netflix special called, “Hear Amy Good Jokes Lately? A Good Sense of Schumer”

Just overheard my girlfriend mutter to herself, “bing bong spaghetti”

Putting cough syrup on my cough pancakes

I love when people can’t conceptualize probability at scale. Say you have a 99.9% success rate with ladders. I’d say you're a #1 ladder expert! :) The catch? There’s 50 million of you, averaging 10 ladders per year. That means 500,000 of you fell off a ladder (true yearly stat).

HOLY SHIT. Incredible way to tease the Carol trans arc 😭

There is not a single fireworks display that would not be improved by setting them all off at once.

As a transfem Pluribus fan, you bet your ass I’m “Team Hive” ! wym I get to wear 4.1 billion women’s panties 😭

Ah, interaction... So, what do you think you might give this post? Great minds think, “a Like”! 🤣 Well, what are you waiting for? 😅 I cherish my followers.

It should be illegal for commercials to depict fantastical scenarios. I just saw a “gorilla” help “Santa” repair a chimney with “Gorilla Glue”. Do you know how that warps us? To chiefly encounter the fantastical when it’s whored for a product?

People who pretend different coffee tastes “good” or “bad” are almost as annoying as people who do that with wine

Just realized men like Sydney Sweeney bc she has the head:torso proportions of a 9-year-old

Boneheaded question. You’ve already assumed my familiarity with eight LESS famous reindeer. What do YOU think. 🤡

What are the odds of Barbra Streisand experiencing the “Streisand Effect”? Obv higher than average, bc she’s a celebrity… but still.

6-7 my ass gen alpha the fuck you know about random

Depression is not a choice. But you CAN choose to be depressed in an interesting or cool way instead of a loser way.