What are the odds of Barbra Streisand experiencing the “Streisand Effect”? Obv higher than average, bc she’s a celebrity… but still.

6-7 my ass gen alpha the fuck you know about random

Depression is not a choice. But you CAN choose to be depressed in an interesting or cool way instead of a loser way.

If someone doesn’t have any hobbies…95% chance they compulsively masturbate

what kind of dickless moron doesn’t legitimately enjoy stopping at the crosswalk for pedestrians

(irishman best known for inventing an XXL female condom) ah, my magnum o’ puss

One of the most heartbreaking parts of being a youth pastor is when one of my girls gives in to the temptation to date. Always fully convinced it won’t stand in the way of her relationship with Christ, or with me.

as a neurotypical I huff garbage

This should about to be interesting.

Renting a storage unit for longer than 6 months should disqualify you from voting

You do not hate marathon runners enough.

Every tip screen should disclose this.

Robin Williams should be casted in a Ted Cruz biop-ic

No, trans woman; I did not refer to you as “him”. I said “‘em”, a standard clipping of “them”. Phonetically identical to “‘im” (standard clipping of “him”) due to the /pɛn/→/pɪn/ merger (Labov et al., 2006) in my Southern dialect. I apologize on behalf of the English language?

imagine doing this for some precious Likes and then Cloudflare goes down

Impudent child!—You dare boop master’s snoot?

Hypochondriacs are so funny. “Your disease is not real” -- Literally why would you be angry to learn that

I hate how British people say “maths”. Is there more than one? Off to a rough start !

I hate when someone asks me, “How's it going". “Good” ? Presumably better before you compelled me to distort my raw experience into language !

Why do we need air traffic controllers? Just take turns

When you daydream about a post-apocalyptic scenario, anyone else imagine that the first thing you’d do, would be hand your wife over to more capable hands? It’d be quite bittersweet. Held at gunpoint by a gang of near-beasts: “Wait! Take her!—You can better provide for her!” 💔🥹

(on phone with plumber) My bitch of a toilet won’t swallow

That boymom moment you realize he got his grandfather’s d*ck genes 😭

We need a “gold star lesbian” equivalent for trans people who’ve never done t4t

WOKE HERMIONE: It’s “Levios𝘟”.

[email protected] I found a fun little anagram for your name! Feel free to use (with credit tho !) —TheScrabbleSocialist

I hate the term “reciprocate oral”. What is this, a transaction? 🤡

sorry but neopronouns in 2025 is so 😭

Just realized tomorrow is 11 years HRT

All insomnia boils down to a guilty conscience.

Here’s “One Piece” of advice… anime will turn you into a реdорhilе !

As an autosexual foot fetishist with no filter, I feel like I’m constantly putting my foot in my mouth

(To my friend whos freaking the fuck out) No, silly. You won’t “stay high the rest of your life”. I’d worry more that the next hour might feel—in a profoundly literal sense—like ten thousand years. Then you snap out of it an eternity later and the rest of your life slips by like a second.

I don’t trust people who befriend people less attractive than them. Desperate to be “the hot friend”. Enjoy parading yourself around with your pet hog.

we need to STOP adding “slop” to everything. went out to my uncle's farm today and i literally heard him call pig feed “pigslop” ?? he's barely even online 😭

if biphobic jokes make you mad, you likely misunderstand their function. they're a way for self-assured bisexuals to mock insecure bisexuals.

Sometimes I envy straight people. Sex must be so easy if only one of you has to like it

I love reading Taylor Swift lyrics and wondering how they could possibly be set to music

Ope—Looks like we're memeing our way thru my breakup! 🤣 (I thought of the concept, Celestina illustrated it) Dare I send? 😈

If we are twitter mutuals, reply to this so I can follow you back! (Instant block for anyone who replies despite not being my twitter mutual)

The ADL should do more to combat not just Defamation, but also Bigotry. The rising tide of antisemitism can only be defeated by an ABDL.

This is the single most overrated image on the internet. Pisses me off how every time I see it, it has thousands of Likes.

ANOREXIC COWBOY: Reckon them vittles’s plumb heftier chuck’n this ol’ poke’s the gullet fer ahh ha

how do people zone out to shortform video content? watching tiktok/reels requires me to fucking exert myself

call me RFK Jr. the way I’m looking for an autism link

just instinctively reached for my phone to text my dog

RFK "Junior" is funny bc why do we need to specify that? ohhh there's a "Senior"? no one cares that your WASPy ass got daddy's name

Little before & after from today’s DIY project 💪 Did some pipe straightening. (The fucking moron I bought this house from botched the sink drain to where used sinkwater got trapped in this little bend)

What the F**k. No clue how I knew to check this... Intuition? 🤔 Grassy Knoll. Ford's Theater. UVU Court Yard. Yup. All 3 aligned on a perfect circle. How dumb to they think we are?