That boymom moment you realize he got his grandfather’s d*ck genes 😭

Neighborhood kids got ~a lot of fcking nerve~ knocking on my door like that just 3 weeks after October 7.

We need a “gold star lesbian” equivalent for trans people who’ve never done t4t

WOKE HERMIONE: It’s “Levios𝘟”.

[email protected] I found a fun little anagram for your name! Feel free to use (with credit tho !) —TheScrabbleSocialist

I hate the term “reciprocate oral”. What is this, a transaction? 🤡

sorry but neopronouns in 2025 is so 😭

11 years HRT ! (Unfortunately, no one made me a cake this year. But I was able to photoshop last year's cake 😛)

Just realized tomorrow is 11 years HRT

All insomnia boils down to a guilty conscience.

Here’s “One Piece” of advice… anime will turn you into a реdорhilе !

As an autosexual foot fetishist with no filter, I feel like I’m constantly putting my foot in my mouth

(To my friend whos freaking the fuck out) No, silly. You won’t “stay high the rest of your life”. I’d worry more that the next hour might feel—in a profoundly literal sense—like ten thousand years. Then you snap out of it an eternity later and the rest of your life slips by like a second.

I don’t trust people who befriend people less attractive than them. Desperate to be “the hot friend”. Enjoy parading yourself around with your pet hog.

we need to STOP adding “slop” to everything. went out to my uncle's farm today and i literally heard him call pig feed “pigslop” ?? he's barely even online 😭

if biphobic jokes make you mad, you likely misunderstand their function. they're a way for self-assured bisexuals to mock insecure bisexuals.

Sometimes I envy straight people. Sex must be so easy if only one of you has to like it

I love reading Taylor Swift lyrics and wondering how they could possibly be set to music

Ope—Looks like we're memeing our way thru my breakup! 🤣 (I thought of the concept, Celestina illustrated it) Dare I send? 😈

this girl i'm cat sitting for has the stupidest underwear 🤣

If we are twitter mutuals, reply to this so I can follow you back! (Instant block for anyone who replies despite not being my twitter mutual)

The ADL should do more to combat not just Defamation, but also Bigotry. The rising tide of antisemitism can only be defeated by an ABDL.

This is the single most overrated image on the internet. Pisses me off how every time I see it, it has thousands of Likes.

ANOREXIC COWBOY: Reckon them vittles’s plumb heftier chuck’n this ol’ poke’s the gullet fer ahh ha

how do people zone out to shortform video content? watching tiktok/reels requires me to fucking exert myself

call me RFK Jr. the way I’m looking for an autism link

just instinctively reached for my phone to text my dog

RFK "Junior" is funny bc why do we need to specify that? ohhh there's a "Senior"? no one cares that your WASPy ass got daddy's name

Little before & after from today’s DIY project 💪 Did some pipe straightening. (The fucking moron I bought this house from botched the sink drain to where used sinkwater got trapped in this little bend)

What the F**k. No clue how I knew to check this... Intuition? 🤔 Grassy Knoll. Ford's Theater. UVU Court Yard. Yup. All 3 aligned on a perfect circle. How dumb to they think we are?

What's BlueSky been like the past 24 hours? I haven't checked and prob won't

Seething at the impending seasonal appropriateness of my neighbor's Halloween perma-decorations

that polyamorous moment when your gf sleeps with someone else, so now there's a power imbalance you can only fix by saying you did too 😭

call her trump the way she's having a stroke we mustn't tell anyone about

the worthless assfuck who corrected me when I called tomorrow “Memorial Day”:

one legitimately cool thing about Boy Scouts is how they let us burn the flag as part of the Free Speech Merit Badge

actually disgusting that on top of everything else, Taylor had to post THIS

nowhere is Gen Z's timid (and reactionary !) sexual politics more evident than on Tinder. 10 years ago, 18-20 year olds responded to me *fairly often*. now they almost never even swipe right. like, why are you even on here ?

I hate when the doctor comes in and proceeds to wash his hands. Like wtf were you just touching.

I'm PhD in graphic design and Cracker Barrel's REAL problem is they didn't go *far enough*

I wish when the pilot said "This is your captain speaking", we could all scream in unison: "These are your passengers listening!"

If you could remove 1 letter from any state name and everyone had to go along with it, what would it be?