Anyone who's masturbated to me rules! You're members of a highly prestigious club! You should bond over it by making out with each other! Let me watch while you do it too! I'm pushing your faces together rn Challengers style! BTW I'm also a member, so you gotta make out with me too!

*blasts you with my good girl laser beam and permanently transforms you into a good girl* *you don't feel any different and don't perceivably change in any way*

Peak romance is um when two girls endure a horrible ordeal together that leaves them both irreparably damaged in a way that makes it difficult for them to relate to anyone other than each other! *a sad horn sound plays and I'm kicked off the game show for not choosing the "expensive dinner" option*

Forced tomboyification. All the pink clad high femmes are gonna gang up on you and make you wear cargo pants and then they're gonna sexualize you for wearing cargo pants.

Immediately before masturbating: I have so much respect for her and the work she does. Immediately before cumming: Oh fuck I wanna eat whipped cream out of her gaped asshole! Immediately after cumming: I kinda still want whipped cream. I think I might just be hungry.

Legally speaking? You should be allowed to say "it isn't relevant anymore, but the word I couldn't remember 34 minutes ago was [blank]" without it being seen as a non sequitur.

Sending the twinks to the beach that makes you old for just a minute so that they'll come back as hot MILFs.

Imagine if a girl magically grew a dick! That'd be so hot! Then she'd have two penises :3

*orgasms* That sure was fun (golly gee I love porn) and I came totally dry (golly gee I love hrt)! I guess I'll put my penis away now! *five minutes later* Why is my fupa all slippery and sloppy and slimey???

I think stage plays would benefit from unsimulated sex scenes.

Today is the nine (9) year anniversary of me getting my own apartment and moving out of my parent's basement :3 THANK YOU PORNOGRAPHY! THANK YOU EXOGENOUS HORMONES! THANK YOU CHASERS!

*Google searches "thank you meaning" before saying "thank you" just in case I've been mistaken about it this whole time*

I posted a scene on ManyVids today that I filmed while I was on shrooms :3 www.manyvids.com/Profile/7916...

The girl in my mirror is setting beauty standards that I can't possibly be expected to live up to.

Your landlord is a parasite. Your employer is a parasite. Your hot vampire gf that's slowly sucking you dry while joking about how weak you've been getting? She has a right to be there.

I filmed pornographic videos today :3

I believe it was Virginia Woolf who once wrote "a woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to be a dragon dildo anal size queen."

Gonna hug you so tight. Just hug you again and again and again. You're just made for hugs. Hugging is all you're good for. Everyone can tell you're just a used up free use hug slut.

It feels like colored condoms should be way more common. I've literally never encountered a colored condom irl and I think it would be fun for cocks to be blue or purple or whatever sometimes. For the novelty. As a treat. Maybe even print a picture of spongebob on there or something idk.

Not to get too political, but I think that as a woman I should have access to infinite bagels. I eat a bagel and another bagel appears. This is how society should be structured.

Biological gender? Boring. Technological gender? I think I've heard of that before. Geographical gender? Wait! What does that mean? Botanical gender? I'm intrigued!

What if we were both girls and we torrented mp4 files together???

Not to turn my chaser gaze inward, but it rules that I have a dick. Who let this girl have a dick? Don't you know that it's slutty and pervy and hot for a girl to have a dick?

Everyone's gonna hate me and call me a freak for this, but... I still enjoy using the computer. I like going online.

The fact that I transitioned in 2012 is crazy. I had never met a trans person. Had never even met an openly gay person. Had never seen a trans person on tv that wasn't a freak or a dead escort (played by cis ppl in either case). I just nutted to a 4chan trap, read two tumblr blogs, and said yolo.

Moo!

The crevice separating the crotch from the thigh is for fingering. More people should be groping and fingering this underrated and undervalued area.

I love it when women are EVIL! More women should be CRUEL and TWISTED! I support women's WRONGS! *learns that a woman was impolite to another woman* Wha... Why would you do that? That's so scary! I'm legit gonna cry. I just thought you'd wear leather and rob a bank or kill a cop or something idk.

Be careful not to buy a Chinese toaster! It may be SPYING ON YOUR TOASTING HABITS and sharing your valuable tada (toast data) with the Chinese government!!! This post has been sponsored by Door Snitch! It's a camera you put on your door that snitches on you (to the local cops that can kidnap you)!

Your resolution and frame rate should be on screen when you're recording a video! I usually film porn at 30 frames per second, but I bump it up to 60 when I wanna do slowmo stuff and I ALWAYS forget to put it back down.

Me as a 35 year old: Eating candy and playing Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie for the Sega Genesis. Me as a 6 year old: Playing Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie for the Sega Genesis. Probably WITHOUT candy. What a chump. Total loser lmao. Hashtag it gets better.

The body dysmorphia demon: You're built like Hank Hill! The unedited videos of my butt: You're built like a Pixar mom! You've got a dump truck ass! Me (gooning to Peggy Hill rule 34 porn): I wish I was Hank Hill!

Media literacy really went downhill with the invention of media. You just know that people were misinterpreting cave paintings right from the start. Before media? It was never an issue!

Sorry for being vain, but OMFG FAT WOMEN ARE SO BEAUTIFUL!!! (I'm fat women and I just filmed another video of my tummy)

Nooo! Don't repost my nudes! I hate it when people *checks notes* give me free advertising??? That doesn't sound right... It's so important to protect *checks notes* intellectual property rights??? Wtf... I love piracy tho...

She may say that she's a boy who's been kidnapped and forced to take estrogen while enduring gruely training, but her caretakers say that lol she's cuter as a girl. It's so important to hear both sides of a story. Things are so polarized. I think the truth is probably somewhere in the middle.

You really have to be careful who you say things like "you're such a faggot, dude" to these days. Some trans girls will be very offended by you saying dude. It's basically a slur.

If a girl asks "do you want a bite" then you've gotta chomp on her! On her neck or arm or inner thigh! Wherever you can get at! You've just gotta! She may be holding out a piece of food! Don't let it distract you! You can chomp on it later once you're done with her!

Hard at work at the fetish R&D center. Staring contemplatively at a chalkboard with the words "Skin Blister Serum: The New Girl Cum?" before brushing it off and sending the test subjects home for the day. It would never catch on.

Robot girl that adds caffeine to her jizz reservoir so that you get mildly addicted to having her shoot her load into your guts every day without really noticing or knowing why.

I had a banana earlier and it was really good, so then later I had another banana and it was also really good, so I just had a THIRD banana! 😍💖🍌 NOT A METAPHOR! THIS IS A FRUIT APPRECIATION POST! NON HOMOSEXUAL USAGE OF THE WORD FRUIT!

Sometimes I'll just be sitting around alone at home with a huge smile on my face and think like "wait wtf am I even smiling about rn???" Being happy??? That's freak behavior. Totally out of touch with the zeitgeist. I've gotta get my act together or the cool girls will never let me hang with them.

Shout out to the girls with the average size penises!

You've likely heard that things can get worse, but did you know that things can also get better? Shocking, but true! What lies ahead is vague and uncertain. That sounds spooky, but it could involve a lot of cuddles. Maybe laughing with friends. We just don't know!

It's not gay to go gay in a modern surveillance state because there's always the possibility that there's a fujoshi watching. You're just putting on a show.

BTW I posted a video of my boobs on my OnlyFans today! It's a common occurrence, but still one worth celebrating (like a sunrise or your girlfriend coming home after cheating on you)!

Hey! Is it okay if I use your body for my evil experiments?

The benefactors of the cooking industrial complex don't want you to know this, but you can just eat frozen corn right out of the bag. As a crunchy cool treat.

You're a boy who likes lesbian porn? Yeah right. You're such a poser. You're such a fake fan. If you really loved lesbian porn then you and the other boys who claim to love it would have transitioned and gone sloppy on each other by now. You're welcome to prove me wrong though. It's never too late.

Slipping estrogen into your boss's coffee might sound cathartic, but if you unionize your workplace then you won't even have to slip it in his coffee. You'll be able to openly demand that he take estrogen. That's the power of collective bargaining.