Everyone at the party was hyped when I showed up and it felt good but later I found out the bene gesserit had already been here for thousands of years seeding the myth of the “crazy ass white boy “

this is your mission. our pedophile president needs you to jump out of a helicopter to kidnap a head of state and his wife so some oil ceos can make a lot of money. we’ll be watching from a resort in florida that still serves wedge salad and checking how many retweets we get. good luck soldier

pursuant to new york city executive order 2, section 2 (extremely “opalite” voice) oh my god frisbee is a special puppy dog he’s so sweet and he’s so nice love this boy my whole dang life oh-whoa-oh-oh-oh

WOW!!!!!!!

🤌🤌🤌

my most listened to track of 2025 youtu.be/a9_tUT6Ajyc?...

mike f on how one of his accounts got nuked rip homniegh see u on the other side

Oh man how could I forget this one

you should never keep a baseball bat to defend against home invasions. because what if the guy breaking in has a baseball. you're just going to end up trying to hit that instead

You know in movies where they kinda wipe their hand gently over the face of a dead guy and it closes their eyes. It would be a good gag if they did that on a guy with glasses. Either his eyes close or the glasses turn into sunglasses.

One of the best to ever do it

Alexa play Alanis Morissette “You Learn”

another robot highlight for 2025: man wearing humanoid mocap suit kicks himself in the balls

My Dad lacks confidence as a hardware store Santa, but he is greatly admired by his subordinates. He has Lowes Elf Esteem

i’m spending my christmas holiday thinking about mark cubans opinions

now watching

still my favorite christmas post

Christmas hasn't been the same since i noticed Santa has the same handwriting as my wife

Some absolutely top notch orange cattery here

do u think dickens busted fat ropes

cowboy who stubbed his toe:

SCROOGE (Walton Goggins) (VO): It had been seven years Old Marley had been dead. Unless this is known, nothing fantastic can be understood MARLEY (Danny McBride) flings open BEDROOM DOOR: Hey Scrooge what's up you sassy son of a bitch. Who decorated this place Jack the Ripper

singing it to the tune of youtu.be/74B5kMLNd5Q?...

i’d want to lay low until everyone just forgot about me but i guess im built different

My response to anything over the next two weeks

クリスマス待機中

Mary Cumstain Wales, Flintshire, Parish Registers, 1538-1912

"no rapping tonight" why? "you rap about patrick swayze everytime, it's embarrassing" ok [after one beer] uh oh y'all it's gettin kinda hazy

the world has changed

rush hour opening weekend in benton harbor, it was a raucous audience to begin with but when jackie chan hit the “wassup my n****” line the place EXPLODED

5 minutes after the family goes on an errand & leaves me home alone

My wife left open the gate to the yard and I ran out into the street. I could have really hurt myself.

brb asking my doctor about Bimzelx

has anyone else noticed that food tasted better in the past? it was mushy and easy to eat. and the spoon would come at you like an airplane

i think the worst part is the murders tbh

gimme yule gimme fire don me now with gay attire

明日から12月！

Hell with it, I'm just going to post the whole thing here via screencap and alt text. It's Kaleb Horton, man, his writing always deserves the second read, especially since it could have just easily been lost forever like so much else. Read it, share it.

ゆらゆら！

Big day for fixins, kid

null and void