Netanyahu sounds like something old white guys would call pussy

I love having friends and money…in Minecraft

the phrase mind over matter makes no sense because mindcraft is the only thing that matters

I listen to Off the Wall about 6x weekly

ill be retiring to my palace shortly, ready my quarters

I forgot about the traditional Western Home Depot by the Flatiron Building

New bartender at the place by me with the impossibly large chicken sandwich looks like a ginger version of the most evil and beautiful woman I have ever known

Walking into the sea after I remember Naruto started like 30 years ago

Wank's Crossing

[monotonously] if you exist, you are my friend

Obviously this is going to have to change if/when I have kids, when I’m on call for work, etc. etc. etc., but working out till exhaustion, locking in at work for approximately 50 minutes, and sleeping 10 and a half hours is kind of my ideal way to live

One of my neighbors likes to leave the windows of their Volvo open all the time. Very curious as to why, but I don’t expect everybody to live their lives just like I do.

AMLO and Claudia Sheinbaum have lifted 13.5 million people out of poverty in the last 8 years, but NYT wants us to know that Mexico “can’t go on this way.”

Cannibals go to Barnes and Noble and be like "I thought you said Agatha Crispy"

I am “I remember people saying it’s woke to jack off to Bayonetta” years old

In 2022 a guy at my gym told me he minted an nft for his house so nobody would steal it when he was on vacation

White people be like “we’re naming our next child vite.js”

“People” who use their turn signals <<<<<<<<<<

I don’t really believe in zooming in on peoples’ avatars so there’s a very solid chance I think you’re using something completely different than what you really are as your pic on here

Edibles

Realizing the sheer number of guys I’ve known who’ve claimed to be independently wealthy off day trading and they only work a 9-5 for something to do lol

Just remembered that Israeli guy who sued Nintendo because he thought they based Alakazam off of him

"bsky prom" is trending. I would be shocked if median user age was under 35. Man.

I’m just cranky today but an under discussed thing about being a man in your thirties is realizing how many of your male friends are one not-very-bad breakup away from going all in on PUA type crap.

I feel like the impact of mental health on physical health is way understated. Yeah even now. My mile time, general physical well being, everything are way better than this time last year when I had way more stuff going on.

Does anyone who is even less useful than me to any left wing causes have any screenshots of especially racist/deranged twitter posts to get judgmental about

I try not to hate because I believe it's corrosive to the soul but when you see an old person scream at a supermarket employee for daring to help someone else, it's the most accurate term to describe the feeling

*charges up his most powerful energy attack*

Something terrible is happening to my body 🥱

i get so mad at people who believe that the joker actually said im going to become the joker

I really find Bart Simpson unbearably evil

my name is Lyle Sensing

the 3 year old homie

im a big fan of kurt viles music i gotta be honest with ya

i used to be really insufferable on here now my typical post is like "i can be found in most bodies of water worldwide"

Another tweet, by @Hussogbondguy, mentions the rumor of James dating Nicki Minaj. The tweet says, “The dude is dating nicki? Wtf, you’re a snake. I hope the mf dies. #FuckJackHayden”

Conceptual James has been killed by Practical Matt. He is survived by his wife Perceptive Janine and their two children, Opinionated Pasquale and Respectable Daniel, his father Pragmatic Matthew, and brother Impulsive Anthony.

the underleveled homie

My name is Matt Taipei

went out like the worthless fucking retard he lived as the only sad part is he terrorized some innocents beforehand

Oh, Earth Rider, thanks for the Great Lakes!

The guy who named the "splendid hermit crab" was in a good mood that day

The lonely stoner seems to follow you into the dark at night

Drake voice ever since I played Team Fortress TWO

No results found for “"kid cab for cudi"”.

im reading a book about peter the great and the authors description of pre-fire moscow makes me think of golden sun for some reason

I’ve been getting a lot of impromptu flexibility work in by squatting down and having a conversation with most every remotely friendly dog I see

I was about to say it’s kinda surprising how useful knowing super basic Portuguese is but it’s like the 5th most spoken language worldwide so it’s not surprising at all