I don’t mean to brag, but I can be a fool almost any day of the year.

some of us are fools more than just today, safe out there

what if it happens today?

✨

Gender is a performance and I’m on the stage crew.

In 1979, at the tender age of 14… I had never, to my knowledge, met a trans person. I had some preconceptions common to that time. My best friend was a 19 year old named Gretchen. A fellow nerd. Gretchen wore short hair. Dressed in masculine clothes. I bet you see where this is going. 🧵

Awake and mad about it

April Fools Day is CANCELED this year. We have been through ENOUGH

I hold all of you to a very high standard

Normalise booing people who ask questions at the end of work Teams calls.

So you know, I'm glad you're here. You make this world a better place. Don't forget that.

Worst trans day of visibility ever

Not everything will fit in your butt

The small one has discovered the old What Do You Meme game and just brought this to me. I don't know if i done good parenting or if i messed up lmaooo

It's raining

back to my old shenanigans (staying up late)

You overshared your way right into my heart

there’s only so much fool we can fit into 24 hours people

i wish i could have met gene wilder i don't even have a follow up bit to this i just wish i could have actual factual shook that man's hand and say he made me cry laughing so many times

Nature abhors a vacuum. So did this Airbnb, apparently.

Monday, also known as the day my kidneys get very confused because I’m giving them water again

Sooo…how’s Mondaaayyy?

It doesn't matter. Stop thinking about it.

The Disney staff at Animal Kingdom gave me the oddest looks when I asked for directions to the Heavy Petting Zoo.

Let me put it this way. Each Canadian MP represents about 116,000 people. Each member of the US Congress represents about 645,000. If Canada had proportionally the same numbers of MPs as the US Congress, there would only be 61. Conversely, by Canadian metric there would be 3,700 seats in US Congress

Anybody in the market for a few tons of totally not stolen and very legally obtained Kit Kats?

"I need to watch the new Harry Potter because I grew up on the old one." No, you don't. I grew up on Skittles and root beer, and now I enjoy grilled brussel sprouts, bourbon, and regularly flossing my teeth. I don't need to rub Skittles on my gums to feel like a kid again. Also, fuck Rowling.

Coffee doesn’t work for me. I have to hold a rave in my living room.

Jesus, Bluesky, read the fucking room.

The local Jack in the Box likes to staff one dude to work 2 windows. So he tells me to wait at the first window, then goes and makes the food, and comes back after making it to take my money. Then I drive up to the second window where he hands me the food. 😂 Poor kid! He's doing his best!

it's 2026, stop catcalling women cattext them instead

ISO a sponsor for gas money or whatever

It's just me and my one chin whisker against the world *looking for tweezers

Finally, someone sees me!

It was only Wednesday all day today. Why is my brain like this? Now I gotta do Thursday all over again, but for real this time.

[Facebook messaging the one kid who signed my high school yearbook] Just wanted to let you know that I did have a great summer

I just found this pic of me in my husband’s files. It's in a folder labeled “letter/notes.” It was with some very mushy letters from our first few years of marriage, some drawings from the kids, and his grandfather's funeral program.

If anyone wants to get me an Easter basket my favorite candy is hundred dollar bills

How did I get here?

Coffee isn't enough to wake me up anymore I need something weird on the bottom of the ocean to touch my foot

The grief you feel, I feel it too.

*Puts box fan in the open window, a skunk walks by* Him: are you smoking? Me: not yet but that skunk's got the right idea!

Missed Connection: You were dangling from a cliff. I was reaching for my cell phone. You fell before I could take a picture

Can people change? Sure! I’m rapidly deteriorating as we speak.

they're chopping my head off tomorrow

The Pina Colada song is totally unrealistic.

timberline motel sign, aurora, colorado, 2004

wtf Palo Alto! 90°f?