Apparently I'm using a lot of ✨ today

Stop trying to teach emotionally stunted individuals how to empathize or care at the cost of our sanity and peace. We are not responsible for other adults’ emotional development journeys.

Saying no to drugs is just a lie we tell kids. What we should be saying is that drugs are really expensive so you need to choose your career wisely and get the best education you can afford. But that's not as catchy and doesn't fit on a sign.

Introde yourself with 5 facts 1. I can't fix each and all your problems 2. I'm no good with names and faces 3. She sent me naked pictures from her neck down to the waist 4. I get my feelings involved 5. she stopped returning my calls

I thought I was getting sick and then I realized I hadn't had coffee yet

She asked me what my favorite book is and I said coloring

Fuck’n hell. Valentines day is on a Saturday this year

Calling everyone I’ve ever met to apologize

I will not be sucked into your political posts. I will not be sucked into your political debate. I will not be sucked off by your political… what was I saying?

I slept for 24 hours once after acting like a cuck

i smoke too much weed for this many tabs to be open.

At what point should I be worried about my credit card, which I canceled 3 hours into the new year because the replacement still hasn't arrived? It's technically only been 6 business days.

I’m starting to think that maybe not everyone wants to just chill-lax

Would you guys please shut up and go to bed. Some of us have birds in the morning.

RIP to one of the greatest American rock musicians of all time, Bob Weir. One more Saturday night, my friend.

a dream so wild I can only describe it as swingers on the Magic School Bus with sharks. And my dog.

I had to redo it because I forgot a few tenpages.github.io/us-level/us....

Thank you for you voice. Thank you for your courage. Thank you for your rage. Thank you for your grief. Thank you for your jokes. Thank you for your pet pics. Thank you for the stories of horrors, and of hope. Thank you for your actions. Thank you for the joys and tears. I believe that we will win.

post something beautiful to combat the awful

My place in the world:

This is about me

Imma kickstart my new year's weight loss goals with this colonoscopy prep

A prompt that lives rent-free in my head: How is your life honoring the billions of women who lived before you?

ghosts are real they just don’t text back

The only time I have ever lived in the same town as Walmart was when I was in college

I’m not tired because I worked hard. I’m tired because I had to keep turning my real thoughts into polite and acceptable dialogue all day.

great, just got waitlisted for screaming into the Void

january 6 7 lolololo

Smash that like and subscribe button *clit

It's raining cats and dong

carrying my depressed friend to a party like a backpack

Found my jury duty fit

i haven’t been paying attention to current events. is everything still awful?

Yelp but for businesses so I can rate the guest who left spaghetti all over this hotel room

I had a moment of doubt shortly after midnight on New Year's when I thought someone had nicked some cash out of my bag. I promptly canceled my credit card. Well, I found the cash days later but am spending today trying to get my auto pay back in order! Happy New Year! Hang on to your billfold!

She was pristine. Untouched. Like a new fleshlight still in the box.

At least once a day at work I say "...ok" like Ned to myself

working to make a better tomorrow for my cats

sure you’re laughing at me now but if I leave you’re going to miss laughing at me

Do you even know what it sounds like when doves cry bro?

I don't really get stoned as much as stay stoned.

*Slides over to the news feed* *slides right on back*

Any man who wants to start a podcast should have to sit in front of a tribunal of women and plead their case

This slut life is exhausting

I'm sorry I yelled "Up, periscope!" at your penis during sex

(slapping a hundred dollar bill on the bar) bring me your finest shitpost

Still haven't found what I'm looking for, U2 Please advise

When you adore music, every song is a love song

all this is both foolish and unnecessary