MAGA 3 days ago: Chicago is about to find out the meaning of WAR MAGA today: the left needs to stop condoning violence

I refuse to learn how to play Cribbage.

I'm not like other guys. I'm not thinking about "beer" and "cars". I'm thinking about esoteric things, like, uh, "molecules", and "statistics", and, like, "if bear traps are real."

happy super bowl to all

Elmer is obviously attracted to Bugs in a way that Bugs is more aware of than Elmer but I don't think Bugs totally understands the depths of how reciprocal it is on his end. A fascinating relationship.

AOC: "I want folks at home to look at what members of Congress are invested in private prisons companies, and look at the votes on this bill. It is atrocious that people are lining their pockets with private prison profits in the name of a horrific tragedy."

It’s been such a hard year and it’s only getting harder 😢 just found out from one of my nephews that the floor is lava 😔 stay safe everyone

Probably the best time in history to be a mathematician was around 600 BC when you could get rich just for discovering triangles

BREAKING: NYPD has located the tunnel the assassin used to escape the city but found it to be merely a painting on a brick wall and smashed up several squad cars upon trying to enter it

this is what it must have felt like to hear Robin Hood stories in 1370

10-4 isn't some kind of secret cop code. it's actually a subtraction problem the police have been trying to solve for decades

There seems to be some confusion here, so just to be clear: AI is theft. You are not made an artist by using it. Go pick up a pencil. 💜

Gen Z detective arriving at the scene of the crime: What are the vibes

Trump appoints hellish entity known only as The Screamer to newly created Department of Death

it’s not good that some monkeys smoke cigarettes. but it is cool

I keep getting instagram notifications that tell me “somebody posted a Thread you might like.” lol no they didn’t

Pretty crazy someone can be charged federally with interfering in an election and those charges get dropped because they win an election.

him: will you at least act normal when my folks get here me: *flipping a pancake and reading it like a tarot card* bad news

"they won't stop at trans people" - ok even if they did stop at trans people they still need their ass beat, right?

We released 3.1 last week, and a bug patch yesterday. That concludes all the content I ever wanted to add. This game is totally, 101% finished. Any further updates will strictly be bug fixes and balance patches. For real this time. Thank you for playing, hope you're happy! eeveeexpo.com/infinity/

Do not ever tell me about "buzz" words I don't need to learn bee language I have nothing to say to a bee

If I could have dinner with anyone alive or dead, I would choose alive.

It's almost been half a year now of us talking together, so how about we spice things up a bit... Today we are talking with veteran of the community Atomic Reactor! Also the developer of Pokemon: Infinity. youtu.be/H0I82Q1obLE #pokemonfangame

Couldn’t believe he said that

Maybe we were too hard on JJ Abrams for "Somehow Palpatine returned."

me at 6:45 pm: eh the results tonight can only stress me out. prob just gonna ignore them entirely :) me at 9:45 pm: WHERE ARE THE REST OF THE VOTES FROM MECKLENBURG COUNTY NORTH CAROLINA

Republican talking points in the final week of the campaign:

ALIEN: Take me to your leader ME: [eating pizza with a fork] Bold of you to assume that I'm not the leader

there just shouldn't be billionaires. billionaires are the enemy

ROOMMATE: Thank god we found the alien shapeshifter before it could escape containment. Imagine if that thing made it into the general population! ME: (fully aware he’s the alien but he promised to drive me to the airport in the morning) No kidding. Would you like another glass of gasoline?

hey dude, I noticed you attempting to carve a small space for joy in the face of overwhelming sadness. kind of problematic considering all the horrors

Chewbacca would be one hell of a tight end

gonna go to my polling place on Nov 5 and pace around as if I’m still deciding

this mythical republican party vance keeps describing that cares about things like child care and health care is interesting to me as a lover of alternate history scifi

Needing to stretch is so funny. Your body is like “ughhhh make me longer!”

God made skulls look fuckin sweet to help make death less of a bummer

One thing I think a lot about is that Donald Trump ran in 2016 on "What the hell do you have to lose?" and by his fourth year in office, there were trucks in major cities in America filled with dead bodies because the morgues were too full.

Jim Carrey’s Wikipedia entry has incredible comedic timing.

If you vote legally, he's going to jail.

It's a burden to be the most well-adjusted person on the Internet.