in addition to being able to ‘delete’ an email in your inbox, i believe there should also be an option that sends the email directly to Hell and notifies the sender as such

Mr Cait just tried to say "snack" and "treat" at the same time and asked if the cat had his afternoon sneet

Sorry if i'm a little cranky over the next few days. I'm going a week without rock and roll to prove to my wife that I don't "need" rock and roll

I GET LOGGED OUT. BUT I LOG IN AGAIN

today's effort is a fat pigeon

I regret to inform everyone that moving into the woods with my husband and going outside more often has been as wonderful as I thought it would be. 💜

love how every app has to periodically inform me that push notifications are disabled. damn bro who do you think did that!!! history's mysteries

[in the dead of night] Is that a goddamn blackbird singing?

Out on a run and came across a couple having a break up. The woman yelled that the guy cared more about “his YouTube videos” than her. Fully expected it to be some Andrew Tate shit until he sheepishly said “trains mean so much to me but you’ve never understood that”

Beaver Swim Session 🦫

According to a test I took on genius dot com I'm too smart to ever fall for confirmation bias

I had a great time with my mother-in-law today, we moved an army of furbies into their new home. Now I'm watching MasterChef. They know I'm watching MasterChef. Everything is fine. This is fine.

My husband and my mom had to pick up my collection of 20+ furbies today. I did not remember that one of the furbies had batteries in it. It came alive while they were driving back on a 2 hour road trip & the furby kept blurting things out like "Furby is neither fur nor bee... Very interesting..."

Some days the only thought I have running through my mind is "makin' pancakes, makin' bacon pancakes," and that's all I need, on a loop, to take me through until bedtime. It's glorious.

Nice joke. Sure would be a shame if I replied to it with a factual correction

Here is your semi-annual reminder that I do draw stuff sometimes & have an online store: shop.roxiqt.com 👻

ok, caffeine hitting the system. i'm ready to be exposed to every problem in the world at once

i don’t like going to the barber but there are so few avenues to get a grown man to spin me around in a chair a little

A kid asked me how babies are made once and I panicked and said 3D printers because no one has ever explained it to me either

far be it from me to tell people how to live their lives but please have a good day today if that works well with your lifestyle

I saw my first Canada Goose and it was impressive. It was actually two parents and a handful of babies (living next to the lake has its advantages) but my mother-in-law assured me, no matter how cute that was or how confident I felt, not to approach them. They would murder me as a family.

[handing my credit card to the kid behind the ice cream bar] keep it open

Mine takes my tennis shoes and slippers and sometimes sponges, which he won’t bring to me, and runs outside with them. I holler, “treats” and rattle the bag, and then he brings them to me. He has me well trained.

This is the face of a dog who can bribe me for treats with socks that she has stolen whenever she wants

Personally, I think extremely large wolf spiders should not hide in my shower and jump out from behind the shampoo right when I am about to step into the water but one of them disagreed with me about that this morning. It isn't even 7:30 AM and I have already lived 1000 lifetimes in a single day.

Here I go again on my phone

[whispering to crying baby] You have no idea

This is the face of a dog who can bribe me for treats with socks that she has stolen whenever she wants

ME: [waking up after 1000 years] Hello fellow posters who wish to add me to a group chat, I can grant you 3 wishes... assuming all of those wishes are dog photos

Hell yeah, I joined the group chat (fled into the woods) to hang out with my friends (family of raccoons I found in a cave)

I moved back to the woods and I'm not a bit worried because I know all the horror movie rules. Don't split up. Don't investigate the noise. I know not to read the latin. The chipmunks however are not scared of me at all and that's somehow the most unsettling development so far.

it’s finally watermelon time

Hell yeah, I joined the group chat (fled into the woods) to hang out with my friends (family of raccoons I found in a cave)

Introducing........ The Pigeon Bag!!!! 🎉🐦 Available for preorder this Saturday, National Pigeon Day! 🪶

ME: [waking up after 1000 years] Hello fellow posters who wish to add me to a group chat, I can grant you 3 wishes... assuming all of those wishes are dog photos

summer humidity is like “you should wear at least eight glasses of water a day”

they're saying marble cake with fudge icing at 2:43PM is not only legal but in fact, encouraged

I cut the plastic on my new mattress and was launched three lots over. It makes you wonder- if they can vacuum seal a queen-sized mattress down to the size of a manageable box and deliver it to your door, what other technologies are they hiding from us?

(Silly Billy after graduating law school) i go by Serious William now

“let the pizza rest for five min-“ the pizza can rest when it’s dead

So far we've had turkeys, chipmunks, squirrels, moose, turtles, fish, the dog, and a suspiciously large number of birds. Bigfoot is statistically overdue. I'm starting to think he's avoiding me.

Ah great. I wanted some Coke Zero and now I gotta deal with some kind of creature.

I hate it when there is "a moral to the story". Thanks but if i want to learn a life lesson, i'll make a terrible mistake

emotional support cinnamon raisin bagel with a slab of cream cheese save me

Living in the city, everything is so convenient but getting back to the woods was good for the soul. Waking up every day with my wife, hearing and seeing nature is incredible but the fact that we both get big sloppy doggy kisses even before coffee is the best. Some decisions are hard, not this.

Every morning, my husband and I are tackled awake by an excited 160 lb dog who is filled with pure joy and every morning, I tell her that she is perfect and beautiful and has never done anything wrong and that if she tackled us, we probably needed to be tackled and then I give her belly rubs.

ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to obsessively rewatch films

So, @crocketthoughton.com and I moved the other day into what is essentially my dream house and this is a glimpse of our new backyard. So, my life goal to move into the woods? ✅