Chewing nicotine gum doesn't make you want to vape less, it just makes you addicted to gum, which is almost as embarrassing

When I was a kid there were no private phone calls, there was an eight foot leash in the middle of the kitchen where everyone got to viciously judge you.

My take on MTG is that she was privy to some confidential information about the president or the Epstein investigation itself, she has seen the writing on the wall, and she knows that once it comes out it will be devastatingly criminal. She is now positioning herself to try to escape the fallout.

I hope script doctor extraordinaire Star Magic Jackson Jr. will be back for Gremlins 3 too.

I did not think I would wake up today and agree with MTG on a talking point- let alone on several. What timeline is this?

When I was a kid there was no such thing as an iPhone, if we got bored we would walk down abandoned railroad tracks and eat strange berries; no one cared if we lived or died back then.

I know October is over but listen, there’s no reason we can’t extend spooky season all the way to Christmas. Who’s going to stop us? Mariah Carey? The guardian of holiday cheer and all things jolly? Possibly… but we won’t know if we don’t try.

Sleeping in the same bed as my new husband has been difficult. Not because he snores or moves around a lot but because if I accidentally nudge him when he hasn't fallen asleep yet, he begins to quote Katy Perry lyrics at me.

FYI: After a successful few years in films like SMILE and STRANGE DARLING, Kyle Gallner is writing and starring in his own monster movie.

Yes please, someone release this film!!!!

When I was a kid there was no such thing as an iPhone, if we got bored we would walk down abandoned railroad tracks and eat strange berries; no one cared if we lived or died back then.

I’ve been in Canada since October 11th. In that time I’ve tried more good food, had more good times, and felt more at ease with life, than I ever have before. Also I married my best friend and started posting about sappy things. But I’m still dark and mysterious- horror is the way and all that.

I’ve been in Canada since October 11th. In that time I’ve tried more good food, had more good times, and felt more at ease with life, than I ever have before. Also I married my best friend and started posting about sappy things. But I’m still dark and mysterious- horror is the way and all that.

it's godzilla day. it's national sandwich day. it's national godzilla sandwich day

⚡Happy Godzilla Day⚡In 1954, an enormous beast clawed its way out of the sea, destroying everything in its path—and changing movies forever. On the Criterion Channel, celebrate with all-day marathon of Godzilla films through the decades! www.criterionchannel.com/godzilla-the...

This is how we get raid bosses, people.

ME: There is fresh apple cider at the grocery store, have you tried that before? HUSBAND: Hmm... it might get me drunk though ME: It's not alcohol HUSBAND: ... So I have not tried that before then

I know October is over but listen, there’s no reason we can’t extend spooky season all the way to Christmas. Who’s going to stop us? Mariah Carey? The guardian of holiday cheer and all things jolly? Possibly… but we won’t know if we don’t try.

Married her yesterday.

People always tell you that things are different after marriage and I thought I knew what that meant so I didn't worry about it but I've been married for two days now and I'm not really sure what to do about the tentacles.

Ultimately, each one of us must decide for ourselves what is too fast or too furious

I met my husband on Twitter when I began posting years ago. The first time we talked, he was messaging me to say he'd been wrongly accused of stealing one of my jokes. We agreed his joke was different enough. But in a way... the person who said he stole my lemon joke is responsible for my marriage.

you, as a ghost, have unfinished business? with all of your free time?

up early today and going to make a difference in someone’s life (jammed a potato into my neighbor’s car muffler)

The hardest part of eloping was keeping it a secret while having a ton of very cringe post ideas. I wanted to post "I don't know if I'm more excited for the new Animal Crossing update or how I'm literally getting married tomorrow." But I couldn't. Sometimes, love requires sacrifice, etc.

Married her yesterday.

Just thinking out loud here but it honestly makes so much sense that I ended up marrying a man who lives on a mountain and used to have a pet raccoon.

Excellent thread.

I have three days left in Canada before I head home for a short time. So far I have tried- poutine, all dressed & ketchup chips, Aero bars, Caramilk, maple syrup, Hawkins cheesies, and wedding cake. What should I try in these last few days?

INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE SECOND INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE OVER ZOOM TO MEET MORE OF THE TEAM UNFORTUNATELY, YOU HAVE NOT BEEN SUCCESSFUL ON THIS OCCASION, BUT WE HOPE YOU'LL APPLY FOR FUTURE POSITIONS WITH THE VAMPIRE

I have three days left in Canada before I head home for a short time. So far I have tried- poutine, all dressed & ketchup chips, Aero bars, Caramilk, maple syrup, Hawkins cheesies, and wedding cake. What should I try in these last few days?

Sitting in bed eating wedding cake with my husband while we look at photos from yesterday.

Always read the Halloween candy before you put it in your mouth. It might not be a gummie. It might be an artificially flavored, jelly filled marshmallow.

*puts monsters back into the attic*

Over on Reddit, there is a post that's basically "I keep reading Scalzi and I keep not liking what he writes, why do I do this to myself" and my answer to this is, dude, I don't know but you have my permission to stop, life is short and there are many authors, find one whose work you can love

Always read the Halloween candy before you put it in your mouth. It might not be a gummie. It might be an artificially flavored, jelly filled marshmallow.

Married my best friend this morning (@roxiqt.com) on my favorite holiday, Halloween. Now if we can just get the Blue Jays to win the series tonight, I think they call that a hat trick.

Be careful with your Halloween candy this year everyone. I opened a Snickers bar earlier this morning and a husband fell out.

Married my best friend this morning (@roxiqt.com) on my favorite holiday, Halloween. Now if we can just get the Blue Jays to win the series tonight, I think they call that a hat trick.

they’re quiet; they know they aren’t wanted. it doesn’t stop them checking handles and windows. they know it’s warm in here. they can feel our blood. the chill autumn air scatters them up from the soft sighing loam to whisper down the darkened alley. I wonder if you remembered to lock your back door

I’ll be the first to admit that there’re a lot of awful horror movies- I have to watch them all. But sometimes, even the bad ones can fill a hole if they are so bad they become good again. Straight camp, even if by accident, is never a bad thing.

It's a difficult time to be a horror movie critic trying to find new folks to follow online because it's October. What if I follow someone back and their account is only seasonally spooky? Temporarily terrifying? Fleetingly frightening? Sends a shiver down my spine just thinking about it.

First official poster for Scream 7, and it looks great. Matthew Lillard & Nev Campbell are both returning and I am so excited.

If you ever come upon an ancient tome and the only words on the cover you can decipher are variations of "evil" and "beware," open that bad boy up to any page and start reading whatever text you find aloud. What's the worst that can happen?

I’ll be the first to admit that there’re a lot of awful horror movies- I have to watch them all. But sometimes, even the bad ones can fill a hole if they are so bad they become good again. Straight camp, even if by accident, is never a bad thing.

First official poster for Scream 7, and it looks great. Matthew Lillard & Nev Campbell are both returning and I am so excited.

It's a difficult time to be a horror movie critic trying to find new folks to follow online because it's October. What if I follow someone back and their account is only seasonally spooky? Temporarily terrifying? Fleetingly frightening? Sends a shiver down my spine just thinking about it.

Horror has forever been the most inclusive genre. There’s literally something for everyone and nobody is turned away. It’s a beautiful community that I’m proud to be a part of.

They stopped making ghosts just after the civil war. You’ll never see a ghost with a man bun or hitting a juul

they're inventing a poster's madness that's complimentary