If Christopher Lee called me a lumpkin, I would simply die

the teaser for Disney's Marvel's Avengers: Doomsday is a daring experiment... what would happen if you made a whole genre seem suicidally depressed

Purgatory

i'm about to look at the trap, Ray

hmm, yes. yes, very good

European Vacation should have been about a suave French woman stealing her away from Clark and then Clark descends into a "Under The Volcano/Leaving Las Vegas" style attempt to drink himself to death.

He's on his way home and Homer is writing about it! That's why they call it a "way homer"!

Thinking about one of the most gorgeous pieces of movie music ever created www.youtube.com/watch?v=72ye...

can attest that steve does good work!

I’ve spoiled my child! I’ve spoiled my boy!

whomst among us

“So get this, the whole thing is funded by conservative billionaires like Harlan Crow. You’ll remember his name because it’s two major plot points of justified mashed together. Anyway they staff the school with a bunch of lecturers who hate the age of consent, oh did I mention they setup in Dallas?”

(to the tune of "feliz navidad") denis villeneuve

learning Rust from beautiful trans women in the 2020s

making a face like I just smelled barf

one of my "When I Get A Time Machine" missions is going to be getting Carpenter to pass on MEMOIRS OF AN INVISIBLE MAN and push to get his CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON remake in production. (oh and john you should really get to know Sam Neill and look at this script IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS.)

I'm having vivid flashbacks to events that never occurred

I will now commence being sad about this for the rest of my life

My Christmas viewing this year will likely be the Blackadder Christmas Carol and not much else because that's how I roll. Mrs. Scratchit, Tiny Tom is thirteen stone and built like a brick privy!

It's cool to be reading down an article of recent horror books going "Yes, ha ha ha YES" sickos style because they're all bangers and then stumble onto your own among them 🤩 A GAME IN YELLOW is in fantastic company here with BLACK FLAME, BAT EATER, and more 💛 bloody-disgusting.com/editorials/3...

In 1992 Douglas Coupland would spin this shit into an entire novel.

I gotta be honest, I am not excited for the new Avengers at all. Especially if they're going to bring back classic characters just to kill them off again or whatever. I've had enough of that bullshit to last me a lifetime

if anyone needs me i'll be at Software Unlimited

Afternoon work music ft. Nik Ogre www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mfgx...

Why did you transition, wrong answers only. I saw there weren't enough women playing Warhammer and said "Fuck it, I'll do it myself."

I don't know who needs to hear this but the humpty dance is your chance to do the hump

the opening scene from BLADE (1998) but instead of blood it's delicious sugar free KOOL-AID™️ brand soft drink

oh yeah, I feel GREAT

I now have the image of Pris in Blade Runner doing this and then it cuts to Mayor McCheese and his patty is coming out like an amateur bricklayer's grout.

grim squelching sound as a woman bodybuilder crushes Mayor McCheese's head between her thighs

Serve cold straight from the fridge. "Tony's Macaroni: It's Good Like This! It's Gonna Be The Last Thing You Ever Taste You Piece of Shit"

I’m sorry I can’t come into work today. yeah it’s the curse. hey I don’t like turning slowly to maddened dust either buddy so chill out

to all the beautiful 20-something bikini models with 0 posts who seem to have followed me as their first act on bsky dot app: thank you. you honor me. you are my light. I plan on marrying each and every one of you.

My editor told me I was only allowed to have a character start a sentence with "Well..." once per book.

My personal favorite. Yes I own it and it was super useful

you answered your own question 🤘👹

I started my career as a critic reviewing a lot of direct-to-video stuff and student films that got mailed to us, etc trust me nothing that sees a theatrical release is gonna deserve that Worst title

GG Allin is short for Gilmore Girls Allin

Rum, sodomy AND the lash? In this economy?

Had a dream last night that I was in some kind of League of Extraordinary Gentlemen situation with a ghost who looked like Elric, a British man named Worthington-Smythe, and Spock from Star Trek but Spock was a gorgeous female vampire with Vulcan ears

Let's also make sure that all of their supporting cast are moonlighting as trained therapists who are also completely perfect as people such that there is never any conflict or tension between them

quick get MAD TV back on the air in Canada so i can pitch Knives Oot

I don't know who needs to hear this but the humpty dance is your chance to do the hump

around halfway through Roofman and all the sudden i am gonna have to spend the rest of this thing trying to understand this guy as apparently a John Zorn fan

Seraphine (they/them), new dnd character

I flirt with bitterness on a regular basis but I remain committed to not giving in entirely. Just sitting around hating everything and being miserable about it all the time seems worse than death to me. I mean, I'm frequently caustic but that's mostly a coping mechanism

"Bimba dagli occhi pieni di malìa" "Ahhh Ahhhhhhh Ahhhhhhh!!!"

man why do some of these influencer girls have the kind of weirdly distributed lip filler that makes them look like me after I got elbowed in the face? Yeah man give me the Oops! All Top Lip special please