It's Marty by a landslide!!!!

Should I see THE SECRET AGENT or MARTY SUPREME tonight quick tell me I only have 30 minutes to make a decision

Marny Shurepreme

I guess I have to reconsider holding "BIRD TOYS MUST BE BORING" as one of my core beliefs

Dreamt that a stranger on the street heard me passing judgment about them and confronted me about it, and I provided an earnest, utterly non-defensive apology that successfully diffused the situation. I can't think of a better energy with which to enter the new year

This but for coffee shops

Thinking you "made" something by typing a prompt is so embarrassing!!!!!!

Complementary metric: How long you can be famous before suffering Total Brain Breakage

Why does the TikTok chocolatier never stop smiling

I'm hardly the first to note the ways in which the liminal week between Christmas and New Year's is spongy, ill-defined, and full of cheese, but this year my brain matches those descriptors too

Makes me think about where I'd be sworn in as mayor of Chicago. Probably Budacki's

I submit we formally retire the phrase "bonus points if"

of course I recall the most famous reindeer of all. By definition it's the one I'm likeliest to know. Why was this framed like some sort of "gotcha." Why treat it like a given that I know every other one *except* that one

Public transit first: Being on the el platform the moment they turn the overhead lights on

They got rid of lead paint and fewer people became serial killers. Let's try turning off all those harsh overhead lights next

Merry Christmas to all the third-act Scrooges out there ❤️❤️

couldn't decide between a star and an angel, so i went with both

Thrilled to report that Kermit's vamping on the main menu of the 2005 DVD release of THE MUPPET CHRISTMAS CAROL is still so funny

Not to mention the insult of being unable to text a photo to a friend from my Google phone without a big banana appearing above it, offering to "enhance" it for me

It's The Firm with a bullet, though A TIME TO KILL is nevertheless a fascinating artifact (not only for its racial reductiveness but also for its inexplicable pacing)

A fringe benefit of buying nothing on Amazon for the holiday season is that you never need to root around the pile of packages on the floor of the vestibule to determine which ones are yours

Just to close the loop here: it was great

99% of the chatter I've heard about the Springsteen movie is just podcasters lamenting how bad the title is, and they're right

Something sacred about the reading nook of a public library

Gonna eat a chunk of bread for lunch so excited so exhilarated

When I meet you, I WILL assume you are my exact age until a preponderance of evidence suggests otherwise

Margie's is PACKED right now I love this city

You know what made PB&J easier? Goober fuckin' Grape

The word "cheaper" is doing a lot of heavy lifting here

It’s so cool that conservatives have effectively made the phrase “Merry Christmas” a loaded term because you can’t know if it’s the nice kind or the “we’re saying Merry Christmas again” kind

The ideal amount of online to be is enough that you understand the breadth of perspectives on a given subject but not so much that you think your own personal take is an important contribution to the discourse

Oh, you think you're the first person to buy "Green Eggs And Ham" for some kid in your life? That's hubris, plain and simple

[Friend asks what's new over coffee] Well, all the Instagram buttons are in different places again

I will ask again

People who mail physical holiday cards for me to open and read are gods on earth

May you one day love someone as much as Wirecutter loves recommending matchstick cloches

The tech-bro-ification of language means that we're missing out on the opportunity to use a term as perfect, as succulent, as "quadruple"

By now we know the reason why celebrities have such bad Wikipedia photos, but surely Leonardo DiCaprio's is the funniest of the bunch

My feelings can abundantly handle *not* being sent holiday greetings by PR companies

Only Ernie Bushmiller is allowed to establish a premise this sweaty

Another reason to ride the bus: fashion inspo. The passenger in front of me is wearing a Burberry-esque coat with a neon-green beanie and looks cool as hell

Give the gift of The Onion. https://membership.theonion.com/gifts

It is simply an immutable law of the universe that any book lent by one's mother will be brought to one's home in a Ziploc bag for some reason

(As someone who constantly leaves a social situation fretting that I monopolized the conversation, I find it a great relief to be a podcast guest, a scenario in which you're invited and expected to do that very thing)

Love this monthly opportunity to gab my little heart out

Forever aspiring to become hot enough to be mistaken as someone who grew up in Philadelphia

"AI, a tool that I can only rely on for marginal assistance with my Excel spreadsheets, is easily the biggest and most exciting technological shift in my lifetime"

Sunday Scarfies (eating all the remaining groceries in the house)

Today I bought 1 small package of Kroger-brand cold medicine (daytime), 1 small package of Kroger-brand cold medicine (PM), 1 tub of Fage yogurt, and a two-pack of Sensodyne. After discounts, it cost $39

Why did I put down a novel I'm really enjoying to come peruse the posts on this app that upset me