Every Castlevania game is about going into a room and there’s just some asshole.

NURSING HOME RESIDENT: Are you here visiting someone young man? ME: *takes second pudding* are you a cop

Philadelphia is the greatest city in the world (sound on).

Reminder if you are not Mormon do not say jorking it

i have too many kids and too many pets to serve food without a hair in it this is a hair house

God Informs Humanity Choking People Meant To Die

🕯️My cousin Brian passed away last night. After a courageous 3 wk stint with ICE. He slipped on a fellow agent’s frozen peepee puddle & somersaulted many times in the air, yelling “yabbada yabbada yabbada” & tragically aspirating (a different) agent’s pee he’d been gargling. He hated women🇺🇸💔

The Rizzler of Antiquity was Tutankhamun

This is one of the most beautiful things I have witnessed, the craft here is impeccable.

Yarukinashio is an unmotivated rice cake guy who appears in stickers on the Line app.

robert zemeckis, director of back to the future, has a clause in his shit that they cant make any sequels or reboots while he's still alive. the second he drops dead its gonna be star wars and marvel all over again. we will never escape this nasty funko-collecting NES-loving "geek culture" horseshit

For the absolute last time: I *never* said I thought E.T. dressed in the wig and the dress was sexy, I said *I could see why people would think that*

Hire me @redbull.com

president tweeted "no hot dog" and i lost $5 trillion dollars but today he tweet "hot dog back" and i got 5 trillion hot dog

getting kicked out of the restaurant supply store for asking where the longboi pasta tweezers are

everyone older than me is a boomer, everyone younger is a zoomer

Gen-Xers would rather shitpost than go to therapy

Meatloaf so tender and mild.

Baking POWDER is for more neutral baked goods, like biscuits, baking SODA is what I eat like cereal and wash down with vinegar to become foam guy

*running down the street trying to catch a cab, squeezing a baked potato straight out of the skin into my mouth like gogurt*

The sun rises in the east, Bruce is on an ZPN countdown. #xpncountdown

All this talk about blocklists feels like an extension of [Sealioning] (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/sealion...). Is there a name for it? Do we need one?

rfk jr is the funniest possible guy to have to bribe. pharma lobbyists desperately calling aquariums to find him a ganges river dolphin to kill with a riding mowe

A bangerang is a brand-new-hot-off-the-skeet-factory-floor post you see that's a banger, but when you go to interact with it, it has already been deleted

If being a lifelong racist and a convicted sex pest doesn’t disqualify him for people, why would any of these? Trump’s core voter is happy to have him enable the worst parts of their belief systems.

My son asked why is there a movie called “NOOOOO” 💀💀💀

Tim Walz: "He crossed a line ... Trump over the weekend talked about using the Army against people who disagree with him. Just so you're clear about that - that's you. This is not some mythical thing. He called it 'the enemy within.' And to Trump, anybody who doesn't agree with him is the enemy."

This was in so many Sharper Image catalogs that I salivated over

American McGee's Alice (2000)

You’re tucked in. You’re warm and cozy. You have no worries. Your mind is quiet. The world will be fine. You will be fine. Shaq is here with us. We are going to sleep the sleep of angels.

Not mine but I can't find the original source.

The grossest thing about Vance’s “obviously my wife is not a white person” speech is that a normal decent human being would use the occasion to condemn racism but Vance can only use it to condemn Democrats because he knows very well that the racists are his base.

Making a bunch of complex DNS record updates at work and then immediately going out of town for 5 days

im probably the strongest crab in this bucket

It’s so cool that cities are like “pweeease only turn your AC on if you’re actively dying and don’t go below 79 🥺🤘🏻💗” while the AI nobody asked for is slurping up the power grid to make 1 image of a girl with 5 tits

Today is Father’s Day. Of everything I have done in my life, being a father is the most meaningful to me. Father’s Day can evoke many emotions: love, joy, grief, sadness, anger or many others. Each can be valid, and they sometimes mix. Solidarity, my friends.

I can think of a reason!

If you receive an accursed item that you cannot get rid of that gradually makes your family and community hate you more, normally that’s a Twilight Zone episode

This is my hobby-horse: Trump and his administration weren’t “incompetent”, they were _uninterested_ in conventional goals of governing. The things they were actually interested in (torturing immigrants, collecting bribes) they hit the ground running, executed repeatedly and iterated successfully.

stop 👏 letting 👏 athletes 👏 get 👏 into 👏 the 👏 game 👏 for 👏 free 👏 without 👏 buying 👏 a 👏 ticket