Acidtron
@acidtron.goflyers.online
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Patrick Cosmos
about 2 months ago
Every Castlevania game is about going into a room and there’s just some asshole.
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J🌲K E
10 months ago
NURSING HOME RESIDENT: Are you here visiting someone young man? ME: *takes second pudding* are you a cop
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Max Berger
about 2 months ago
Philadelphia is the greatest city in the world (sound on).
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disc horse bot
3 months ago
Reminder if you are not Mormon do not say jorking it
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sweetie π
4 months ago
i have too many kids and too many pets to serve food without a hair in it this is a hair house
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The Onion
4 months ago
God Informs Humanity Choking People Meant To Die
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God Informs Humanity Choking People Meant To Die
THE HEAVENS—Warning His subjects that they should not mess with His carefully laid plans by playing hero, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, reportedly informed humanity Monday that choking people wer...
https://theonion.com/god-informs-humanity-choking-people-meant-to-die/
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Rob Delaney
4 months ago
🕯️My cousin Brian passed away last night. After a courageous 3 wk stint with ICE. He slipped on a fellow agent’s frozen peepee puddle & somersaulted many times in the air, yelling “yabbada yabbada yabbada” & tragically aspirating (a different) agent’s pee he’d been gargling. He hated women🇺🇸💔
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Brendel
7 months ago
The Rizzler of Antiquity was Tutankhamun
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Your Parents Are Sellouts
10 months ago
This is one of the most beautiful things I have witnessed, the craft here is impeccable.
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Mondo Mascots
10 months ago
Yarukinashio is an unmotivated rice cake guy who appears in stickers on the Line app.
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"fart"
11 months ago
robert zemeckis, director of back to the future, has a clause in his shit that they cant make any sequels or reboots while he's still alive. the second he drops dead its gonna be star wars and marvel all over again. we will never escape this nasty funko-collecting NES-loving "geek culture" horseshit
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Paul F. Tompkins
11 months ago
For the absolute last time: I *never* said I thought E.T. dressed in the wig and the dress was sexy, I said *I could see why people would think that*
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REBECCA DOODLES
about 1 year ago
Hire me
@redbull.com
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mr. cannoli
about 1 year ago
president tweeted "no hot dog" and i lost $5 trillion dollars but today he tweet "hot dog back" and i got 5 trillion hot dog
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Jerry Chen
about 1 year ago
getting kicked out of the restaurant supply store for asking where the longboi pasta tweezers are
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lowtax speedrun enjoyer
over 1 year ago
everyone older than me is a boomer, everyone younger is a zoomer
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Gretchen Felker-Martin 🍉
over 1 year ago
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disc horse bot
over 1 year ago
Gen-Xers would rather shitpost than go to therapy
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Jason, ex Inferis
over 1 year ago
Meatloaf so tender and mild.
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drew
over 1 year ago
Baking POWDER is for more neutral baked goods, like biscuits, baking SODA is what I eat like cereal and wash down with vinegar to become foam guy
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Chestbursty
over 1 year ago
*running down the street trying to catch a cab, squeezing a baked potato straight out of the skin into my mouth like gogurt*
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The sun rises in the east, Bruce is on an ZPN countdown.
#xpncountdown
over 1 year ago
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All this talk about blocklists feels like an extension of [Sealioning] (
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/sealion...
). Is there a name for it? Do we need one?
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Sealioning - Wikipedia
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/sealioning
over 1 year ago
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nattie winters
over 1 year ago
rfk jr is the funniest possible guy to have to bribe. pharma lobbyists desperately calling aquariums to find him a ganges river dolphin to kill with a riding mowe
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Tyler, from the Internet
over 1 year ago
A bangerang is a brand-new-hot-off-the-skeet-factory-floor post you see that's a banger, but when you go to interact with it, it has already been deleted
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If being a lifelong racist and a convicted sex pest doesn’t disqualify him for people, why would any of these? Trump’s core voter is happy to have him enable the worst parts of their belief systems.
add a skeleton here at some point
over 1 year ago
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ⓓⓔⓔⓑ
over 1 year ago
My son asked why is there a movie called “NOOOOO” 💀💀💀
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Aaron Rupar
over 1 year ago
Tim Walz: "He crossed a line ... Trump over the weekend talked about using the Army against people who disagree with him. Just so you're clear about that - that's you. This is not some mythical thing. He called it 'the enemy within.' And to Trump, anybody who doesn't agree with him is the enemy."
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Barry Lyons
over 1 year ago
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The Onion
over 1 year ago
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Report: Cars In Other Lane All Suckers
ACTON, MA—Finding a massive disparity in driver savviness across different parts of the road, a report released Monday confirmed that the cars in the other lane were all a bunch of suckers. “Look at t...
https://theonion.com/report-cars-in-other-lane-all-suckers/
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This was in so many Sharper Image catalogs that I salivated over
add a skeleton here at some point
over 1 year ago
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Retro Tech Dreams
over 1 year ago
American McGee's Alice (2000)
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Mr. Cait
over 2 years ago
You’re tucked in. You’re warm and cozy. You have no worries. Your mind is quiet. The world will be fine. You will be fine. Shaq is here with us. We are going to sleep the sleep of angels.
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Cavy Core
almost 2 years ago
Not mine but I can't find the original source.
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Evil, Corrupt, and Weaponized Popehat
almost 2 years ago
The grossest thing about Vance’s “obviously my wife is not a white person” speech is that a normal decent human being would use the occasion to condemn racism but Vance can only use it to condemn Democrats because he knows very well that the racists are his base.
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JLP
almost 2 years ago
Making a bunch of complex DNS record updates at work and then immediately going out of town for 5 days
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skáld
almost 2 years ago
im probably the strongest crab in this bucket
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Lauren Kayes
almost 2 years ago
It’s so cool that cities are like “pweeease only turn your AC on if you’re actively dying and don’t go below 79 🥺🤘🏻💗” while the AI nobody asked for is slurping up the power grid to make 1 image of a girl with 5 tits
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Mitchell Epner
almost 2 years ago
Today is Father’s Day. Of everything I have done in my life, being a father is the most meaningful to me. Father’s Day can evoke many emotions: love, joy, grief, sadness, anger or many others. Each can be valid, and they sometimes mix. Solidarity, my friends.
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Vikram Bath
almost 2 years ago
I can think of a reason!
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Brendel
almost 2 years ago
If you receive an accursed item that you cannot get rid of that gradually makes your family and community hate you more, normally that’s a Twilight Zone episode
add a skeleton here at some point
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Doctor Memory
about 2 years ago
This is my hobby-horse: Trump and his administration weren’t “incompetent”, they were _uninterested_ in conventional goals of governing. The things they were actually interested in (torturing immigrants, collecting bribes) they hit the ground running, executed repeatedly and iterated successfully.
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Jon Bois
about 2 years ago
stop 👏 letting 👏 athletes 👏 get 👏 into 👏 the 👏 game 👏 for 👏 free 👏 without 👏 buying 👏 a 👏 ticket
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