I don’t like to say I’m “cumming” as it implies I wasn’t already present. Instead, I say “my dick bout to take a shit”

The haters are granting me a warrior’s death

Look the deal is that if you’re the government you get to be a little corrupt but you gotta at least have some plausible deniability. Like yeah you can jerk off but at least do it in the bathroom

Your honor, my client is like, so sorry

The thing about AI is that it's trying to solve a problem it's created. If we still had decent search, it would just find a high quality source for a recipe and read ingredients and directions to you. We don't have high quality sources anymore, because everyday more of the net is an SEO'd slopfarm.

Quickly, Robin, to the Bat-Sign-Up-Form

this poor bastard look at him all strapped up with his contraptions saying the least normal shit ever said

We know you don’t like it, we know it’s being used by bad faith actors to ruin civilization, but here at Tech Co we’re bullish on GenAI because everyone is afraid of making an executive experience anything adjacent to a negative emotion

Hey man nice black hoodie/news boy cap combo. I know a The Dark Knight blu-ray steelbook hates to see you comin

CORMAC MCCARTHY: He never sleeps. He says that he will never die. He dances in light and in shadow and he is a great favorite. He never sleeps, the judge. He is dancing, dancing. He says that he will never die. JOE ROGAN: sure. I've met guys like that

One thing that's funny about working corporate live events is sitting next to production crew that normally works in television because they always ask "wait why is that line like that" or "why are they doing ____" and the answer is always oh because the event is bad and sucks

Oh my god why does everything suck so fucking bad all the time

Cis Americans please, please call your reps. Tell them this will kill. That human lives are non-negotiable. That they need to oppose this bill with their whole hearts, to save our sisters', brothers' and siblings' lives. I am fucking scared for them.

TYLER DURDEN: the first rule of fight club is you do not talk about fight club ME: okay thanks TYLER DURDEN: don’t mention it ME: okay i said

I used to go this AA meeting that RFK Jr and like, Theo Von would go to over on the west side of LA, but I stopped going because it was basically just a men's meeting where a bunch of dad-shaped guys slap one another on the back and give eachother shallow advice and unearned validation

Hundreds of people are saying that the Wallet Inspector is endangering the contents of their wallets. The Wallet Inspector promised to inspect wallets, and he is delivering

Hard times create strong men Strong men create big holes Big holes create Mole People Mole People create hard times

Roman Polanski did The Pianist, and then the peeyanus did him

Wife is always yelling at me to not touch my balls in public it’s like i didn’t even cum

some things fetch a high price, especially items

Dude the reality show they put Katseye through to make Katseye is fucked

Mf’s called “Michael Douglas” girl save some first names for the rest of us

LIVE Kenneth Cole Reaction

Self tape auditioning for the role of “horse’s ass”

mike’s hard look in the mirror

What’s impressive is just how bad Elon is at being online. Like he’s stepping on rakes almost exclusively, like he was engineered in a lab run by something awful forums goons in 2005

Travis Kelce MUST NOT lose his virginity, even after marriage. It is the source of his strength

When homie prepares the series of trials

Someone called me weird last week and I think I’m having a crisis about it

Hypothetically. If my dick and balls switched so it was like one ball two dicks

One lingering aspect of this LLM stuff, even after it collapses, will be the knowledge that many of my peers don’t make things to enjoy the making, but to enjoy the having made. I just assumed everyone really dug climbing that mountain too. Nothing noble about it, no judgement, just a lesson learned

When the android offers a cryptic warning? Yeah, no thanks. I’m all set

We gotta stop naming people “Kirk”

Something’s been up with my wife ever since she bonded with the symbiote

When bro is transfixed by the cursed medallion

This is why so many of us are so adamant about not fed posting even in jest. The screen caps in the indictment here are incredible and really show that if you make threats, joking, or not people are watching.

Had a really stupid idea based on another meme I just made and so i had to make this, i am sorry

One of the things that makes LA better than New York is that it’s three hours behind. I am not ready for it to be three pm. I am barely ready for it to be today. Noon is a great compromise

Guy from Cake seeing a football injury: He’s tore his meniscus He’s injured his knee

I think it’s more that the only people who watch tv anymore love gutfeld

if your band sucks I’m still gonna say nice set. being in a band that sucks is still pretty cool

Why did Hammond build Jurassic Park when he could’ve just been a pedophile like all the other billionaires

I think it’s safe to say they’re just gonna be enforcing the laws they want to enforce against the people they want to enforce them against instead of honoring the body of the constitution as an all-encompassing mandate for behavior, so you gotta stop seeing the world inside that system

Artists: compromise your vision for profit

I’ve always been partial to an evil lady rubbing the back of my neck while she gives me ruinous advice. Please don’t feel bad for me when I am laid low, I consented to this.

I’m not gonna “cream my jeans” are you insane. Dry humping what are we raccoons

Dang. The gruff but ultimately kindly old swordsman who agreed to train me only after learning of my true parentage was killed during the very quest on which he was reluctant to bring me. At least I got his sick old sword

AI must be so incredible to anyone who can’t identify bad work and terrible advice