Yeah, that he's a big time fuckin pedophile

This is a man expecting an egging

“Somewhat”

My aunt hosing me down in her backyard in Iran after I got filthy playing at five years old.

I saw David Byrne just now at jazzfest (the only reason I would deign go) and when he played Life During Wartime if a giant stone head had descended from the sky spitting guns every single one of the 20k boomers at that stage would have marched on Washington

Baby formula should be free thanks for coming to my ted talk

Are they giving blue checks to everyone that guy was following?

My proudest achievement at twitter was a post about switching the music from Martin Sheen’s freakout in the hotel in Apocalypse Now and Britt Ekland’s dance in Wicker Man and then Britt Ekland’s verified account liked it

This is the third time someone has tried to kill Trump (I guess that we know of), and someone did manage to pop Charlie Kirk, and each time it’s all “rise conservatives, rise in our crusade!” And a week later they’re mad about how the couple in the State Farm ad is interracial.

Sir, they're calling you a pedo down at the manifestory

All of a sudden he becomes relaxed, normal, and less flatulent

And then the owner and the dog kissed and had adorable human/dog hybrid babies that everyone loves

With danger all around, Stephen Miller valiantly hid behind his pregnant wife and copped a panicked feel. Western Man, embodied.

Okay, now I’m convinced. The nation needs, nay, demands, a $2b 10,000sf ball pit

At least we got to see him fall down. That’s always nice

Won’t anybody think of the collaborators?

Free movie house

trump ran in 2024 on giving americans a president they would want to see hunted on live tv. promises made, promises kept

Legally speaking, I, too, am very glad

It's funny that this time the collective reaction is a big "meh, whatever" but you know since it was personally experienced firsthand by the actual eyes of the stupidest fucking people on earth in person, that they're all gonna try to kirk it up into a grand spectacle.

At least we got to see him fall down. That’s always nice

They needed to see what someone working for a free local paper wrote before they could steal it. It’s called waiting til the facts are in

Won’t anybody think of the collaborators?

Okay, now I’m convinced. The nation needs, nay, demands, a $2b 10,000sf ball pit

As far as i'm concerned, Billy Joel should of been nominated for album of the year for 1978 (79' awards). Barry Manilow 'Even Now' for me was the weak entry here. I'm talking about 'The Stranger' They eat toxic glue in that Grammy voting group?

Wait, somebody tried to kill the president to impress Jody Foster? From Maverick???

A blanket and some fuck-you mustard

After reading this newest essay of mine, one of my readers said via email, "This is probably the best article I've ever read advocating for UBI. And one of the best you've ever written." If you haven't read it yet, please do. Maybe you will feel the same way. 🎲 www.scottsantens.com/the-angine-d...

I hope the Iranian social media propaganda teams get to smoke a lot of dope in their downtime. They’ve earned it

I’m like the caterpillar stage of a ghost, but you? You might just be a worm

To be fair, he did this a lot when he was on The Equalizer

Simpsons Sea Captain voice:

Synthesizer Patel

The Devil Wears Parma, Too It's about someone covered in chicken parm

I still crack myself up with this one

“If you ask tobacco companies to help write your school’s policy on cigarettes…you’re going to end up with guidance on how to smoke responsibly in school.”

“Cryptos main uses are committing crime and covering up crime. Ai’s uses appear to be theft and hallucination. Therefore, though this will incur the wrath of the Epstein Class, it would be irresponsible for any govt or agency thereof to participate in, or encourage the growth of, these scams”

Holy smokes

Food service should be one of the most respected positions in society

I’ve been wishing for this for eight years!

These absolute suits. Watch them nod along and smile as he doubles down on being totally fucking dumb beyond imagination. Awe at the smug smile on the president's face as he says "that's right" when RFK is wrong. I mean, savings aside, going from 100 to 600 is only a 500% increase...

The fun thing is that this is a degree of mathematical literacy every average American learns by shopping for a sale. These men have never done this

AI is best understood as a cyberattack against a functioning society and should be treated as such

When I first heard Buddy Holocaust 25ish years ago times were pretty weird and tough, I knew guys like him, performative reactionary nut-jobs, but it was still pretty unthinkable that he would one day be the encapsulation of an entire regime. But now he is youtu.be/n8pibQLBGvE?...

He’s gonna try to pull a fake freak-out and accidentally pull a real Tommy Cooper! (Long story short, it’s going to happen on camera!)

The sort of real investigative journalism that will hopefully result in convictions in years to come!

Remove Palantir from our NHS. Get Palantir out of our country. Sign my petition: you.38degrees.org.uk/petitions/st...

Yipes.

The worst part about everyone always bringing their phones into the bathroom with them is that now none of us know anything about shampoo ingredients

He’s gonna try to pull a fake freak-out and accidentally pull a real Tommy Cooper! (Long story short, it’s going to happen on camera!)