Told my therapist those feelings of helplessness are called Jester’s Privilege and they have a long respected history.

"We are Paramount, a company dedicated to making shit. We refuse to work with the most talented human beings on the planet. Our work will resemble turds coming out of an ass for the foreseeable future.

The government always has money set aside for SNAP benefits in case of a shutdown. The fact they’re pretending it doesn’t exist tells us 1 of 2 things: 1 Pure greed & misappropriation 2 Trump plans to “swoop in” after people suffer awhile so he can be a “hero” because all he cares about is his ego

What do food pantries need the two things I'm hearing the most are money and powdered cake mix

Either nobody has noticed my POTS truss or they're very polite but I finally understand why old people wear their pants so high up

Mamdani winning and Cheney dying on the same day is so satisfying for everyone old enough to watch our nation become so violently islamophobic after 9/11. Finally. (Cheney should have died in prison, but finally.)

This is why I quit being comedy HR (among others). A cishet man should do it. Preferably white. He should do the unfortunate business of outing predators. Fewer consequences for him than for everyone else.

Watching videos of Mamdani’s win (and a drag king dressed as the log truck from final destination) and feeling…is this hope again?

Bahahahahahaha

I am couch

They do this all night, btw. From midnight to 8am. If I turn my body they turn with me, or push me back. They will laze, clean themselves, and fight on me as I lay for six hours in a perpetual twilight - haunted by dark wraiths.

For TVLine, I picked 5 must-watch STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE episodes. It was hard not to just pick my favorites, and so many good ones didn't make the cut, but I think I did alright: www.tvline.com/2015595/star...

I had a feeling this was a rep from a private equity firm so I figured I’d explain why the planes were so rocky.

I have been asking GrubHub drivers and so far they do get their tips. DoorDash drivers don’t seem to get the full tip, so they need cash. Default settings on both apps are not enough for a proper tip.

When he won the first time, my dad was reading a book on Hitler and drew swastikas on Trumps face on all the newspapers (my family’s Jewish) I was in between apartments. Mom blamed me. Anyway, the parallels are very much there.

The GOP talking point this morning was “this only happened in Blue States” but…

1. Met a potato looking corgi named Aloo 2. Read menu at Indian restaurant, learning how much his name fit. 3. Squealed way too loud and had to explain myself.

This was the clip that put Mamdani on the national stage, and it should be a lesson to every Democrat planning to run for office. Get your ass on the front lines before you ask for our votes.

I want Mamdani to win and then I want one thousand more Mamdani’s to win, I want congress to be spilling over with people who watched Dragonball and had Neopets

Jerking off to this image to prove you have offended me

I live with this.

Such sad news about Dick Cheney dying today instead of dying 30 years ago.

My grandpa (died 2016) still owes me $200 because we never found WMDs in Iraq if anyone wants to help me petition Cheney's estate I think it's on them now.

raw dogging botox was a strategic choice ol’ leaky dick made, just like all those war crimes he kept doing & people he kept murdering

it’s not ableist, Dick Cheney sneered like that because he hated freedom

Oh or if @hanamichels.bsky.social has used the vacuum she'll lead me to them. To be removed.

Whenever she meows at my chair I stand up and say “show me” and every time she leads me to either: - Her food dish, slightly low. - Her brother, who she’d like removed. - The front door, because it’s been fun but she’d like to head out now.

Half of Cheney's lower lip died like 20 years before the rest of him right?

Dick Cheney died and I still remember the Macarena despite that warning from those kids. It’s gonna be a good day for millennials ♥️ We spent our school days praying for this.

TRASH HUMPERS WASNT A FAKE COMMERCIAL SATIRIZING THAT GUYS MOVIES IT WAS AN ACTUAL MOVIE THAT FUCKIN EDGELORD MADE HIMSELF! FUCK!

What is the adhd tax? - Waiting till you're too tired to make food then ordering or buying it. - All security deposits - Other (please explain expense in a way that won't make sense to neurotypicals at all but I might totally get.)

Cuomo Makes 11th-Hour Pass At Female New Yorkers

For everyone who doesn't waste every evening on the same 3 shows a Betazoid wedding is all naked or at least the whole wedding party and Dave's parents remembered that.

Fuck yeah!!!!! ty Hana hope you enjoy this work of art

Finally got my pre-order by one of my absolute favorite authors @alexfirer.bsky.social

My @moviehooligan.bsky.social on the phone "I wanna have a Klingon wedding...no that's a Betazoid wedding!!"

hey life isnt all bad sometimes i get to be asleep

Good morning

My old roommate used to dye her dog fun colors (pet safe dye no bleach) one time I walked out to her going “I THINK YOURE THE ONE CONFUSING HIM SIR” apparently one of our neighbors asked if it confused him as a male dog to be pink 😂 like he’s just happy to get extra attention you weirdo

The littler robot warranty is weird, if I don’t need to see my cat’s poop patterns, who does? For what?

Three more days to vote yes on prop 50

Back home. It looks like…they had their cat friends over? They reprogrammed their chip feeders? They had a vomit party?

This was the best time, when they were the same size. Somewhere along the line Roo lost understanding of his physical impact. But she still licks him once in awhile when he respects her boundaries and she thinks we’re not looking

Halloween colored assholes

I used to train cops how to box, and let me tell you, there's not much more of a satisfying feeling than making a cop bleed and then telling them it's their fault for their lack of skill.

WE ARE TAKING A FUCKIN BREAK

Just remembered the episode of My So Called Life Where Jared Leto learns the word “ironic” and says “huh, ironic” to someone who was expecting a different dirtbag over

remember when ice attacking children in the street was a distraction? i dont fuckin care about this

Something about Las Vegas makes me think I can pull off finger guns. I cannot. Nobody can.

All under the thrall of a life coach who saw a Mr Show sketch 10 years ago and subconsciously remembered the premise