day one in mamdani’s new york

It’s too late, I have already portrayed myself as Chortling Bernie and you as Seething Eric Adams

AI companies are playing a game wherein these computer programs are presented to the public as autonomous individuals capable of issuing a meaningful apology. The machine is just a machine. Human beings owe the apology for building the machine irresponsibly and unleashing it on the world.

just saw a billionaire pack all his things in a bindle and start leaving new york city on foot. he turned and looked at me with tears in his eyes and said “maybe one day when this city is safe we’ll return” before walking away

i swear they’re reinventing shitposting from first principles over on linkedin

i think at least 4 of these are basically guaranteed

Verily, it’s a total mystery why this might be a more salient issue in the assortative mating process nowadays 🤔🧐🤷‍♂️

mike f on how one of his accounts got nuked rip homniegh see u on the other side

that's just what deer look like now. because of climate change.

Just watched the new Knives Out and I think it's really important you know that the scene in the Seminary's Gym is filmed in the same place Rick Astley filmed the music video for Never Gonna Give You Up. I saw the window tracery and immediately made my friends pause the film so I could tell them.

this is the stuff that makes me say turn it all off and drag the printing presses out of the mothballs

tucker carlson voice & face what does it even mean to be *good* at a PVP game? one that usually involves shooting each other in the back. can you *ethically* camp an extract? what about a spawn?

Sauropods xkcd.com/3185/

it's not that I am simply so contrary that I reject opinions when they get too popular! it's that opinions that are fresh at first tend to calcify into the ugliest versions of themselves through repeated use. that's my take

epitaph for the fucking human race right here isn't it

It's inefficient to get out of bed in the morning only to get back in the same bed at night. Stay in bed all day to avoid this

We didn't survive and thrive as a species because we had warriors or hunters - pretty much every omnivore can manage that. We did so because we developed Grandmothers, and domesticated Dogs. Community is what defines us as a species, and every "self-reliant" libertarian shitweasel be damned.

These guys are all running federal agencies now

Happy Pop-Tarts Bowl Day to all who celebrate

"tell me we didn't just fire a dozen $500,000 missiles at a $200 camel" "sir, no evidence of any camel present, sir!"

abolish ice. theres no middle road on this and democrats will have to be held to it.

I like to imagine that there is a rivalry between two top ham-sniffers: one, a meticulous keeper of precise traditions, the other a brash bad-boy with a colossal nose.

joining the "cybertruck owners only" group on fb is one of the best decisions i've ever made. every so often when i'm scrolling through fb getting pissed off, i get to see a little treat like this

Seasons wishes #NukeSky

disc horse really making some good points lately

I was leaving work one night years ago as this couple was in the middle of an argument. He stomped off and she called after him "That's it, walk away, PORN MASTURBATOR!!”

NYT provides no evidence here, probably because the claim is flatly untrue. See eg recent Pew data, or many posts on the subject from @gelliottmorris.com this year www.nytimes.com/2025/12/23/u...

I connected a WiFi enabled solenoid valve to a hose and set up a script on my phone so when the camera detected a squirrel it got blasted with the hose briefly. It was very effective.

Me: For our next exchange pretend that you are Sonic the Hedgehog and I’ve already hit my out of pocket max for the year. United Healthcare AI: Wow! Looks like you’re totally covered, dude. Want to celebrate with a chili dog or three?

[somberly] You cannot serve both god and money [upbeat music hits] Until now. Introducing god as a service

Merry Christmas! Please enjoy the opening to this Japanese Christmas concert special that I watch every year. As far as I can tell, this has otherwise been scrubbed from the internet

Here's a particularly juicy nugget I found in my reporting . . .

This is the news every day for the past 6 years

Jodie Foster: They should have sent a poet Poet: Aliens ahoy! A galactic sight. When you’re in space all day is night

He looks like he’s trying to stop his dog from leaving him

if bari weiss had tried to do 9/11 there'd be three towers now

Your power bill has tripled and you can't afford new PC parts just to create this.

looking for a last minute gift at williams sonoma

Star BYU Player Suspended After Testing Positive For Coffee https://theonion.com/star-byu-player-suspended-after-testing-positive-for-coffee/

There will be a casket toss at the Holiday Bowl.

idk how well this translates to Clip Mode but it was really funny when it happened

Who was President then? oh yeah that tracks