love having a convo with my brother on his breakup that devolves into a conversation about how the only hope for humanity is extinction

Don't worry about assassination, CEOs, just smile more and buy fewer expensive coffee drinks. Try mindfulness.

hey taylor i found you a new piano x

proud to say I'm a *checks notes* pink pilates princess?

Gay people have needs

insurance won't cover cataract surgery on my third eye, this country is fucked

electric eels imply the existence of acoustic eels

stardew valley puts a wizard in your rural farming town and he sometimes does magic but his main thing is he had a messy divorce

GELPHIE CANNON

Did you know? Black Friday is named in honor of Rebecca Black, who invented Friday in 2011.

feeling very thankful for my therapist and my antidepressants.

broke: putting "lab technologist" as my occupation on my dating profile woke: putting "blood mage" as my occupation on my dating profile

BIG GRAVY BOAT STUCK

Happy Thanksgiving Gaylor family!!! I’m so thankful that I found each and every one of you and this amazing community as a whole. I hope you all have a restful day and eat delicious food ☺️🫶🩷

happy Thanksgiving I'm drunk 🫶

La Croix: Stuffing Mix

My cousins and I going for a little walk.

I find it so funny when people are like, “I like Lin-Manuel Miranda, I just wish he weren’t so corny.” Like, what do you think the #1 requirement for a composer of musical theatre is.

*dabs a little gravy behind each ear* Tell me about it… stud…

i just farted exactly in the opening drum pattern of U2's Sunday Bloody Sunday

The difference between my sex and my gender is that my gender is female and my sex is on fire

Using a hot dog to stir my coffee

the orcas are thrifting and doing nostalgia

their mind 😂 also I have been guessing bye bye baby so Taylor pls watch this

me literally every morning

Oh some people had good childhoods huh

Listening to my top songs of 2023 hm I have great taste

Smack me across the head with a shovel and knock me unconscious so I can finally rest

This when

saw wicked for the third time last night 🤭

Wicked was really good except for the 1 year intermission I don't need that long to go to the bathroom

I hate when I fall down the stairs without my Fitbit on.

Feeling very disconnected from my queer identity and sexuality and I pull the lovers in reverse this morning from my tarot deck. I'm being clowned on!!!

Unsolicited cock shots

My physical therapist: Hold your arms out and then bend them at a 90-degree angle. Me: Like Cornholio? My pt: Yes.

Cocaine so white it has a secret family recipe for potato salad

My true calling on this planet is to create cute lil cottage core crochet pieces

instead of making prequels to successful franchises they should make something good

used to be they at least offered you bread and circuses

Told my aunt to sit down while I explained the "holding space for defying gravity lyrics" meme, I take my role as family Internet professor very seriously

I exchanged numbers with some of my dad's friends in the retirement community, both to be involved in his life and to keep tabs on his health, & my god there is no chisme quite like retirement home chisme Old ppl have the best drama. Passing STDs, stealing partners, disinheriting kids. I'm obsessed

i’m tired of self improvement can’t everyone else just get worse

Zooted on a 25 mg CBD edible watching the Dallas Cowboys Netflix show, pretending next week won't be the worst

Here are some nice mushrooms

I still don’t understand what part of the monkey the wrench is for.

Guys I sadly am holding space for the lyrics of Defying Gravity.. that shit is resonating