It's my birthday today, and I'm 45! That means only one thing...BRING IT IN, GUYS! *every general from every military base, division, command and agency comes to Quantico with everything for a HUGE party*

The "WC" on toilet doors stands for "we crappin'"

being someone's bodyguard if they'll be your long-lost pal is a rookie mistake. huge, really

Gordon Freeman's job at the black mesa science facility is pushing the little cart into the big laser. it's what he wrote his doctoral thesis about

Hey, it’s the “Piano Man”! Yeah, from the bar! He has a song on the radio now! (listening) Hold up. What the fuck??

Thinking about that episode of The Critic where Duke Phillips runs for President and how he would genuinely be a better President than alnost anyone that ran in my lifetime

installed an ai of the uvalde shooter on my phone and now i’m invincible to cops

LUKE: What do you think it would be like, R2? To drill Master Yoda in his green old ass? R2-D2: 🎵🎶🎵🎵 LUKE: You're right. And doing that crazy puppet face. Making his Miss Piggy sounds. R2-D2: 🎶🎵— (knocking on wall) YODA: hear you both through wall I can

why isn’t the left talking about where mother’s face goes when we play peekaboo

when poirot drops his condom

SHARE if you AGREE that these four people are the reason for the mess we’re in! 👏👏👏👏

legend of zelda: a link to the past puzzle solved sound effect as i push the last deck chair into place and the titanic stops sinking

FFXIV is trying out Bluesky! 🦋 Follow us and 🔁 while you're here so you and fellow Warriors of Light never miss #FFXIV news on Bluesky! For our fans around the world, be sure to check out our regional accounts as well! ❤️ @fr.finalfantasyxiv.com @de.finalfantasyxiv.com @jp.finalfantasyxiv.com

im looking forward to every piece of shit complaining about waving the mexican flag being Bad Optics running into boston on st. patrick's day and shitting their pants and crying about the terrifying fifth column of irish in our country

heartwarming video of man who just received cochlear implant hearing the video of the lady who fell and hurt herself stomping grapes on the news for the first time

decades of Truth ad campaigns trying to get me to quit inhaling nicotine and it's the harry potter lady tweeting out "hey does anyone have any good recommendations for vapes" that's gonna make me quit that shit forever

I will not vote for any member of a congress that passes a bill banning trans care. Don't care what side you're on, and don't care if you're running for dogcatcher. I don't care if the GOP runs things. Figure out how to stop it or I'll vote for someone who will.

they keep saying everyone's attention span is getting worse because of computer but maybe it's because everything they're making sucks and is fuckin boring.

every time some fucking numbskull gets exposed for using chatgpt because it shits out some hallucination i grow in power. these people think they're early adopters of the wave of the future when they're absolutely just ruining their careers

Star Wars was a hit because George Lucas grasped the mass appeal of stories about 1) wanting to leave a hometown that sucks 2) driving really fast

Committing suicide by walking into a film class and saying "they call it the 400 blows because that's how much it sucks"

Oh fuck off. America has always been awash in get-rich-quick scams and we don’t need to treat this one with emotional heft because it takes place on the computer. Stop painting these people as anything other than credulous rubes or you’re going to encourage them.

Every day I wake up like mia from pulp fiction. It's probably nothing

Would have to ask Alvin but I bet chipmunk pussy went crazy in the 60s

I bet reanimated skeleton warriors don't have to wake up tomorrow and spend all day on the computer

Hi! I made a silly illustration for the speeddraw from last week. Please enjoy! If you're looking for a high res version to print, several Drawfee patreon tiers offer our high res renders for that month and all months prior since we went independent :)

the fastest growing voting demo in America is the single issue voter whose single issue is making Elon Musk waste a bunch of money

Sure but there probably IS a rule that you have to be a current student in good standing to play on the team and there’s no way that dog has a passing GPA

Attn debadged Tesla driver: I can still tell it's a Tesla because you are driving like a stupid asshole

Lmao but also lmao because the plan is probably just "drop a bunch of bombs and see what happens"

Chuck Schumer retire bitch

The Moby Dick fandom is dying. Retweet if you're a true Dickhead

priest: do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? rob zombie: yeah

The reply email inbox for this “what did you do last week” email is [email protected], so, you know, definitely don’t send them any unrelated messages that would interfere with their ability to carry out Elon’s dumbass bullshit

found a fun new way to die in dark souls

I WANNA KNOW WHAT LOVE IS I WANT YOU TO SHOW ME I WANNA READ WHAT LOVE IS IN THIS DICTIONARY

Congress gave Mark Zuckerberg billions of dollars in tax breaks so that he could "innovate," and the best he came up with was burning $100B on XBOX360 avatar group therapy. Every american taxpayer should be allowed to chase him around with a bag of rocks

This is a good time to remind everyone that this administration hasn't done anything for anyone. It has literally only taken away things we've already paid for and fired and sued people. Oh and the quid pro quo with Adams. That's the extent of what they have done. Kinda nuts.

#triviaweekend no for real though this ai garbage is lame and unfunny

he french kisses that little boy like tom brady

Honestly it’s kind of nice that all the associations I have with hard drugs have moved from musicians and brilliant writers to greasy little rich pervert guys because it’s made them seem a lot less alluring.

pedophile has problem with anti-pedophile song

i like all donkey kongs except rap and country (6/12/2013)