Remember the Gangnam Style guy? I think I just hit him with my car

Mom, dad, I’ve joined a doomscroll cult

Sur La Table means South Of The Table

Chipped munk

Are we still giving our life to Christ in a Cracker Barrel parking lot?

Lindsey Graham being a Disney adult and also craving mass death is a fascinating juxtaposition

trying to find the last untapped leftist podcast niche and came up with "Podcast of Penzance: the only Marxist-Leninist-Gilbertist-Sullivanist Show on the Internet"

not many people know this but lois lane has a cousin named life in the fast

*lost in the woods* I hope an email finds me

🎵 When I was younger, so much younger that today. I never needed anybody's early-bird buffet. 🎶

It used to be hilarious when someone sat on a tack.

if i ever die my last words are gonna be "my items!"

Skeets are better if you say them out loud in a Don Pardo voice.

Einstein didn’t kill himself

the song is actually about amazing grapes

First, the good news. The bathwater has been disposed of.

Draft skeet or actual headline on espn this pm?

French restaurant Me: I’d like to ordure

ME: Hey mr. tambourine man, play a song for me MAN: *jiggles the tambourine a bit* ME: Bartók?

My Bonzo Dog? Doo-Dah.

pronouncing yacht like batched

Cut the shit your honor

Suckin on a New England boiled dinner outside the tastee freeze

Hemp in North Carolina: A Public Health Experiment phenomwell.com/blogs/cbd-an...

3-star Michelin restaurant, spectacular nine-course, tasting menu… “Mmm, can’t wait to turn this into a big load of dung”

Haven’t been on the news lately - is the Straight of Vermouth still closed?

Things were better when we had a new dance craze that’s sweeping the nation

i woke up today with a fire in my heart. a passion to do the one thing i love: bring value to shareholders

The Odyssey in a nutshell 😄

ME: hi GUY WHO PRONOUNCES GOING LIKE BOING: hey how’s it going

This meeting could’ve been a sticky-note.

Judge. Judy. Executioner.

20% of world chili supply cut off with closure of Strait of Hormel

Pat E. Cake, Patty Caque & Baker Mann, llc.

I don't need fun to have alcohol.

international women’s day 2: electric boogaloo

I would do anything for love But I won’t do that (pretend Pet Sounds is a ‘masterpiece’)

Well, I declare

some dirty rounder took my jelly roll

*enters chat like a skillet of sizzling fajitas*

Who’s up and ready for some microblogging!

Jersey Mike’s - A Subba Bubb

Who’s up for a good rigmarole?

HIPSTER: i was eating pizza before it was cool ME: did u burn ur mouth

i am going to eat one spaghetto

Tonight on the Weather Channel: Jim Cantore crushed to death by an avalanche in Bayonne, NJ

We shall not cease from doomscrolling 
 And the end of all our dooomscrolling Will be to arrive where we started 
 And know the shitpost for the first time. - T.S. Eliot