it is the policy of this government to treat democratic-led states as conquered territories and the people therein as something like hostiles or even enemy combatants

Jacob Frey: "To ICE -- get the fuck out of Minneapolis"

reminder to not be too hard on yourself if you are feeling major anxiety at any of the truly insane headlines you are seeing these days. it’s likely because you haven’t spent 10,000 hours mastering how to be immune to the truly insane headlines you are seeing these days

Son of a bitch is a blatant thief.

Lost Jan. 6 Rioter Still Searching Capitol Building For Mike Pence https://theonion.com/lost-jan-6-rioter-still-searching-capitol-building-for-mike-pence/

Saw a post theorizing you now encounter more people listening to things on speakers in public spaces because Apple banning the headphone jack did not result in people switching to Bluetooth headphones, it resulted in people abandoning headphones. I'm on an airplane RN and. Thinking about that. Hard.

Happy Fck you to Jan 6 terrorists for those who celebrate

we've got some ICE shit going down in our little town today and it took like three minutes for a convoy of wine moms to start chasing them around town. normies hate this shit and are putting in the work

I should be able to bring my cat to work

finally, we're living through precedented times

I’m actually socially liberal and fiscally chaotic neutral

Tonight, the President of the United States has launched an unconstitutional war of aggression, dooming another generation to spill their blood for oil, and lay waste to a sovereign nation. I demand that Congress exercise its power, halt this conflict, and impeach this war criminal president.

So the US has just unilaterally invaded a country and kidnapped its leader without even bothering with a pretext this time?

AOC: My name is Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. and it is my deep honor and privilege to welcome you to the inauguration of our new mayor of New York City. Zohran Kwame Mamdani

Bernie Sanders publicly swears in Zohran Mamdani as NYC mayor

Mamdani: For too long, those fluent in the good grammar of civility have deployed decorum to mask agendas of cruelty

BREAKING: Explosions felt across New York City as full socialism begins

As its new years and I have tomorrow off its one of the few rarebtines I get to have a drink.. so I was thinking of adding some Rum to my coffee .. Roffee as it were or .. Cu.. err Roffee it is one hot steamy mug of ROFFEE ..

When I say "Happy New Year to you and yours," I just assume the "yours" are a bunch of cats.

the doc forgot to clip my ear during my vasectomy

My doctor was wearing a football jersey at my appointment today but she prescribes the good anxiety meds so it’s fine

MTG is the hillbilly version of Erika Kirk

everyone is making these profound year-end discoveries and I’m sitting here wondering why frozen yogurt doesn’t thaw and become regular yogurt

You ever get so high that you’re still a little stupid the next day?

I think they should switch the meanings of tossing your cookies and tossing your salad because I love cookies

Doggie heaven and squirrel hell are the same place.

hit the bong too hard, need to put some of this back

A game I like to play when I watch the Fallout TV show is whenever you see Todd Howard's name in the credits, you say "todd howard" with zero emotion or inflection.

The 'kin' of ‘napkin’ means "little." ‘Nap’ comes from ‘nape,' which means “tablecloth.” So a napkin is a little tablecloth. 10/10, no notes.

They say imitation crab is the sincerest form of crab

dude i chipped my tooth at some point yesterday but the fuckass dentist can’t see me until april

I only feed my baby grass-fed breast milk

When your kids get older and they have romantic interests coming by the house, you should have a conversation with them about what's appropriate. Apparently my best impromptu (off the cuff, cool mom, easy breezy) version was: If I catch you guys making out in my house-I will kill you both.

*me, seconds after cumming really, really prematurely This is all part of God’s plan.

*political youtuber voice* They are telling us we have to sit down on the toilet just to fart

US Carries Out Air Strikes On Epstein Files

Die Hard was actually appropriated from pagans

We should track Santa all the time not just Christmas Eve

Merry Christmas Mornin’.

The blatant selling of pardons is perhaps the clearest instance of criminal conduct authorized by SCOTUS. Pardons are a quintessential "official act." So, even when Trump takes a bribe to issue one, he is presumably above the criminal law.

So I just left my doctor’s office (who I LOVE) and asked them about an email I received. They said that in the new year, they will be starting a concierge model. Meaning existing patients can only remain patients if they pay a $300 annual fee.

they don’t tell you when you buy a christmas tree at the christmas tree farm that you could take it home, decorate it, and then be relaxing in your living room seven nights later when A BAT suddenly flies out and starts CRASHING AROUND YOUR HOUSE

🙃

concentration camps.

🧵 Inside CECOT (60 Mins) - Dec 2025 (Clip) archive.org/details/60mi...

Santa is in the Epstein files

bari weiss is like, wait, I want to hear the concentration camp’s side

Is that a Festivus pole in your pocket or do you just have some grievances to air with me?