this feels like a Faulkner novel

They got the big game on at the bar

“I’m mad I can’t understand Bad Bunny’s lyrics because they’re not in English” my brother millions of metalheads around the world have been happily listening to incomprehensible Finnish shrieks and Japanese death grunts since we were teens, you’re just boring and racist

Bad Bunny now has more rushing yards than the New England Patriots

Dropkin's shot to knock all 3 stones out with sound and replays

67% of the homicides in Minneapolis and 50% of the homicides in all of Minnesota this year have been committed by federal agents. Read that again.

dudes rock

Only speaking personally, but today’s execution isn’t scaring me from protecting our neighbors, as some suggest is ICE’s goal. Nor am I angry with incandescent rage, in that I know such rage is unhelpful. Rather, I feel like it has forced me to truly accept that the same fate might befall me.

Paraphrasing @jasonkirk.fyi here but if you’re gonna fill my childhood with Sunday School stories about loving the weak and poor don’t blame me if I paid attention and took those lessons to heart.

Please help us bring Liam Adrian Cornejo Ramos (he’s only 5 years of age and is currently in pre-K. Yesterday, he and his father were kidnapped by ICE. This will help the family with legal services to help reunite Liam and his dad with their family. gofund.me/be8a1b2ab

I would argue that the case for dismantling ICE has, at this point, virtually nothing to do with larger questions of immigration enforcement and reform, it's just clearly incompatible with a free and democratic society to maintain a secret police force with sweeping and arbitrary authority.

My dentist can do it all, from a simple cleaning to identifying my charred remains

the Pope's team may have lost to the Antichrist

jack daniels can be classified as either bourbon or whiskey, since bourbon and whiskey are simply different names for identical products

[backstage at a concert] hey guys you mind signing this? [next day at car dealership] rascal flatts is your cosigner?

Flying Squirrel Loves It Every Time

The trick 'r treaters are getting something special this year.

Home Depot Introduces New 12-Foot-Tall Willem Dafoe https://theonion.com/home-depot-introduces-new-12-foot-tall-willem-dafoe/

Sorry but this is the funniest headline I will read all year

this is wild

rooting against teams is really much more satisfying then rooting for them

that was basically the inverse of a tush push

Game-winning touchdown

Posting early 90s minivans as a timeline cleanse.

rolling up to the Olive Garden like

i would like for my tombstone to read: you're allowed to dig this one up, you won't get in trouble

Should've been called Chairs imo

the lads losing their mind at this one

The New Dork Times

in baseball i like when the catcher is throwing signs like "do this, pls do this" and the pitcher shakes their head like "absolutely not"

Drinking liquids is our number one trait. If aliens did an impression of us it would be like “gulp gulp gulp”

I don't want to exacerbate things. That would just make things worse

chat, is there anything in christianity about forgiving the people who killed your son

nothing in the rule book says a dog can’t run the economy fyi

I know some of you watch the news too much. What I mean is, well past the point of being informed, & it’s giving you anxiety. Once you know what’s going on, for your own sanity, go do something else. Nothing happened so quickly that we must hang on every word, go play the guitar, or something. ☯️✌️☯️

How about you Switch 2 studying the Holy Bible

I have a note from my doctor that says everyone has to be nice to me

perfect night to rob santa’s house

living

Muppets remake of Saving Private Ryan and whenever there's gore it's just ribbons and yarn spilling out with an occasional human hand glimpsed underneath

(flipping through a Where's Waldo book) beach. carnival. market. museum

[me telling my story how I survived a plane crash and lived on a deserted island for a year] it was crazy [friend who once got a text from me where I accidentally called the grinch the grink] was the grink there?