The lost art of headline writing is not quite dead.

You come to me, on the day of my son's wedding, which I am not attending

Always wanted an English edition of Popeye. I’ll be popping to @raremags.bsky.social to grab a copy!

Does this sucker really think anyone with a passing interest in beer will give this venture the time of day. Hopefully he’ll be humiliated

Every time you drink out of a straw you’re giving a tiny blowjob

Why does it look like Rachel Reeves is officiating a wedding between Keir Starmer and Gordon Brown

This means he logged in as his mother to say that he was not allowed to cage fight Zuckerberg

1/ Elections across England, Wales and Scotland take place tomorrow. We've been checking the claims. Here's everything we've published 🧵

NASA just dropped more than 12,000 photos from the Artemis II mission. It'll take me a few days to go through them all, but so far it's one stunner after another. Link: eol.jsc.nasa.gov/SearchPhotos... Credit: NASA/Artemis II Crew (h/t @jonostrower.com)

I just want to find joy and peace but also hold grudges and get revenge

Happy Bandcamp Friday to all who celebrate! My latest album is still available here: warrington-runcorn-cis.bandcamp.com/album/public... #BCF #BandcampFriday

well now what's to become of those 300 happy meals

Bloody hell. Always good to see a pristine copy of Framley changing hands… (Royal Court podcast w/ Bob Odenkirk. How lovely!)

If one of my party's recent prime ministers had redecorated the Number 10 flat in a way that ended up involving TWO separate inquiries and a Wikipedia page, I would simply not have put out a press release confirming that the current prime minister had spent less than the allowance he was given.

Someone asked if I could tell them where to buy a pair of good chinos. In this thread, I will tell you, but my answer is not simple. On the upside, I think this is a better approach when shopping for clothes and you can apply it to any kind of item. 🧵

Each edition of Question Time should have a Susie Dent type fact-checking expert at a separate desk with a big pile of books, pointing out the lies of the last panelist.

This show is GREAT, on iPlayer.

The entire NASA Artemis II Flickr album is sensational www.flickr.com/photos/nasa2...

"You can't hear an image" The image

Melania Trump's statement in full.

Just heard the sad news that donald trump was accidentally pulled inside out through his anus today, though he is still alive somehow. elon musk attempted to save him using a tiny submarine, but it has catastrophically imploded inside trumps inverted bumhole.

Having checked my notes, Shakespeare never said "Tank fly boss walk jam nitty gritty, you're listening to the boy from the big bad city". But he did mention a city when he said "Two households, both alike in dignity (In fair Verona, where we lay our scene)", and you can understand my confusion.

Wednesday is the new Friday 🤪 day off tomorrow so few beers tonight. 1st up Happy Easy Pale by @cloudwaterbrew Nice 👌 #Bskybeer

🚨 COMING SOON KLAXON 🚨 If you’re looking for Chubbles, you’ve come to the right place! Cloudwater’s legendary collab series with The Veil will be on sale soon. 💥 Chubbles - Triple IPA 💥 Forever Chubbles - Double IPA 💥 Chubbles 53°N - DDH IPA 💥 Chubbles AF - Alcohol Free IPA #bskybeer

As a pre-teen in the eighties I would go in the bath and my younger sisters would gather round chanting "bring out the Branston" from the popular advert. I would then proceed to squeeze out a teeny tiny poo to much applause. What can I say, the black & white TV was on the blink.

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz354bs

Nick’s substack is great. Interesting analysis and context, plus a bit of lighter hearted commentary on the Oscars in this week’s edition. With the relentlessly bleak non-stop news it’s a welcome end note

ME: you’re allowed to say fuck shit and asshole because they don’t take the lord’s name in vain PREIST: are you going to take the wafer or not

Motherfucker is so senile he thinks he’s fuckin’ Nostradamus

I’m going to carry on using my hands, if it’s all the same to you.

Trying out a new beer at work. Happy with what the brew gang have done and looking forward to seeing what punters think #bskybeer

Electronic music is a genre that was started and shaped by women, so on International Women's Day, here are some Bandcamp recommendations for women making some of the best electronic music you can get today. 🧵

Mark E Smith. Born on this day in 1957.

More songs should start like Monkey Gone to Heaven. "There was a guy." Ok I'm listening, what's this guy up to

"We are freeing Iran from religious fanatics". A prayer for Trump in the White House.

Starmer's ability to find the exact sweetspot which pisses off everyone is extraordinary. He's a savant.

this is your mission. our pedophile president needs you to bomb this elementary school full of kids because he thinks it makes him look cool. also his scheming viziers will be betting money on it for fun. good luck soldier

“There are decades when nothing happens and weeks when decades happen,” is it often said. Perhaps we should amend that. There are weekends when decades happen. And the past 48 hours have been about much more than Iran. My longread connecting some dots. open.substack.com/pub/historyn...

[first day as an uber eats driver] CUSTOMER: you were supposed to deliver my sandwich ME: *wiping mouth* it’s called uber eats not uber deliver my sandwich

Mothering Sunday on March 15th. It's hard if she's not around. I'll be reading out the names of our remembered #Mums26 from the top of the Ashton Memorial in Lancaster. You can see across the sea to the Lake District. If you'd like your Mum/Mam/Mom's name added to the list, reply with hashtag! ❤️ 👑

“Aaand…that’s the end of my Ted Talk.”

[me] hey can you make some coffee [coffeemaker] sure [me] hey can you wash the dishes [dishwasher] sure [me] hey can you print this page [printer] lmao who do you think you are

Very late notice for sour beer nerds. My workplace Cloudwater, have a Coolship filling evening, bottle share (BYO, but I’ll grab some stuff from our cellar) and cheese at our Manchester Brewery taproom from 5pm. www.instagram.com/cloudwaterta...

Hopefully our Mr Muscle will replace him

This Winter Olympics closing ceremony feels like a Eurovision performance

Illegal migrant in small boat stopped from entering sovereign territory without a permit.

Former UK PM Gordon Brown is providing - voluntarily and not for the first time - information to the police about abuses of power relating to the Epstein files. As PM Brown was briefed against by people such as Alistair Campbell and Peter Mandelson as being ‘psychologically flawed’ ….1/