funny thing is the dems coming out to say protecting the filibuster is so important wouldn't be so bad if they were willing to scrap the virtual filibuster and force a return to the talking filibuster but these fuckers who refuse to skip a three day weekend are never gonna do that either

(darth vader creating the sith inquisitors) master i think we need like fifty jobbers with a lightsaber. no only send one at a time for each time we find an important guy. they probably shouldnt ever talk to each other actually

in retrospect the metoo movement did not go too far and in fact should have been given spanish inquisition levels of power and authority

Once you reach a certain level of wealth and power, you no longer need to concern yourself with making yourself understood. It becomes incumbent on everyone around you to do the labor to understand. That’s why they all write like particularly dull 8 year olds.

America’s current policy is to spike energy use under the assumption that building more and more data centers will make machine superintelligence emerge, at which point the digital genie will solve problems the tech industry didn’t bother trying to address, or even opposed addressing.

My takeaway from every new Epstein revelation is that some powerful people victimized many powerless young women, many more knew, some actively enabled it--and we're still being told that MeToo and accountability for sexual violence have gone too far

OpenAI is plausibly asking for $7 trillion to keep its Ponzi scheme running, an amount of money that would end world hunger for approximately 175 years.

They’ve laid off so many people that the government is now getting its economic data from DoorDash.

every single week they're throwing this guy a special oval office love-in that appears to be the presidential equivalent of letting your dog scarf an entire big mac and fries before that last trip to the vet

All he wants is to be a good shitposter and he’s just not, he’s awful, this National Book Club Award winner is like 40 times as savage as he could ever be.

Taco Bell’s new Seventhmeal promotion is looking pretty good

so like 30% of our economy is banking on the POSSIBILITY that we will be able to create slaves. we are crashing our entire civilization on the off-chance we can make slaves, slaves that will make every non-capitalist profession obsolete. this is the "good ending," apparently

It’s beginning to look like voting democrat is just throwing your vote away.

How about we shut down the government for this very popular and specific goal and then, hear me out, we hold out for like a month and a half and then, ok this part is important, after a watershed election where we ran the table, ONLY THEN, fold and don't get the one thing we said we wanted.

I keep seeing regular Americans taking more risks every day to fight tyranny, want, and cynicism than I see from the opposition party, and I imagine many of those regular Americans are asking themselves what the value proposition of such an opposition party is, really

I’m so sorry

Pre-writing a eugenicist’s obituary so you can dunk on his goofy ass from beyond the grave is a level of hater we should all aspire to be.

low-information voter who thinks they just freed jared fogle

Good riddance to bad garbage. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out Nancy.

Rep. Yassamin Ansari has set up a table and this sign outside Speaker Johnson’s office.

the most frightening part about capitalism is it concentrates extreme power in the hands of the very few who can at a whim decide what history “means” or what “facts” are. at the drop of a hat communications & technology has, can, & will be turned against us in increasingly horrendous ways

The only thing dumber than credit scores is credit scores set by computer-assisted phrenology.

kind of wild just how much of modern day living is millions of people saying “we don’t want this, it’s dumb, bad, and evil” and then like 10 dudes going “lol too bad” and then they get their way

Please sir. My pedophile computer. It needs more money

Cuomo ran a campaign, got his ass kicked, looked at himself in the mirror and said we have to get more racist, and then lost again lol. World Historical ass-kicking Moreover, ICE must be destroyed

“He doesn’t have a mandate” are you fucking kidding? Dick Cheney died the day Zohran is elected he has the mandate of HEAVEN

Dear Penthouse, I never thought it would happen to me, but during the whole of a dull, dark, and soundless day in the autumn of the year, when the clouds hung oppressively low in the heavens, I had been passing alone, on horseback, through a singularly dreary tract of country;

Trump Writes Netanyahu Strongly Worded Check

Did you know that most Europeans aren't obsessed with feet because they use the metric system?

These extremely nice people I want to see dead would want to kill me if I expressed that belief. Somehow that makes me the victim and them the bad guys.

A movie you've seen seven or more times with a gif.

It's called a napkin because it's soaked in chloroform.

people hear tech guys say their ethos is Move Fast and Break Things, they mentally add "in pursuit of Innovation" but no, breaking things is the means and the end. they move fast to get a spot under the next piñata, cause if you break the things these guys break, most times a lot of money falls out

Attention ALL parents

An order of chicken fingers is called a hand. “Gimme a hand of fingies,” you say. If you want dipping sauce you ask for them to “paint the nails.”

Cardiologist, concerningly "Have you been cutting down on salt?" Patient remembering himself cooking the prior night singing a parody of LMFAOs Shots going "SALT SALT SALT SALT SALT" as he sprinkles kosher salt liberally on salmon "Absolutely"

It’s not lost on me that when Zohan Mamdani is being slandered for being a Muslim during a general election the Democratic establishment doesn’t say anything, but when Graham Platner has an SS lapel pin tattooed over his heart a year before his primary the same people rush to his defense.

Post a game you remember playing that nobody else remembers

you know what must be really funny is the classes where they teach new cops how to do all the weird legalistic phrasing they all do. bunch of dumbfuck corn pone fascists must be like teaching magic spells to orcs

I think a lot about the chance we had at the start of COVID to finally become a more compassionate, collectivist nation, and how profoundly we were failed not only by the sociopathic greed of the ruling class but by each other. It doesn’t mean we won’t get there, but the lost opportunity haunts me.

Reminder: The GOP could open the government tomorrow. They choose not to. The GOP could eliminate the massive health insurance cost spikes tomorrow. They choose not to. The GOP could ensure SNAP recipients get their aid tomorrow. They choose not to. ALL this pain & suffering is on the GOP.

43 years ago today, readers the world over opened their newspapers and gazed upon cow tools for the first time. happy birthday cow tools. you look great.

This man? Not actually related to the Tanners at all, yet they call him "Uncle Joey"

I like how Zohran Mamdani scandals are like "He called his old cousin his aunt one time" and Andrew Cuomo scandals are like "He sexually assaulted 13 women."

"X, the Everything App"? You fool, Zombocom allowed you to do anything you wanted 20 years ago