This 👇

When we balkanize, I hope Zohran (PBUH) enjoins the New York City Jihad with the Great Khan of the Midwest Steppes, JB Pritzker. We'll have girls in fishnets, trans people ridding bareback training their archery, and an agreement that Chicago provides the hot dogs and NYC the pizza.

The last fellas who came from Chicago, were given a rigorous education in Catholicism and then claimed to be on a mission from God? They destroyed a suburban shopping mall, wrecked about 300 police cars and ended up in Joliet penitentiary. Just saying.

Cardinal Robert Francis Prevost from Chicago is the new Pope. Immediately makes it a sin to put ketchup on hot dogs

Good evening, we’re six donations shy of hitting 525 individual donations to my part of the Save the Reader campaign—donate today if you can!

ARUBA JAMAICA OPEN UP THIS PIT

Today's date marks the 75th birthday of Eddie Hazel, whose guitar work with Funkadelic made him legend, with his ten-minute flight on "Maggot Brain" rated among the finest solo achievements on any instrument. A heralded follow-up, "Eric Clapton Can Lick My Balls," remains to this date unreleased.

thought I was watching joe rogan but it was just one of those rotating hot dogs at 7-11

This

I too feel the theremin works best in moderation. #severance

rip virginia mccaskey please let mitch mcconnell be next, god thx

So begins the Era of Assholes.

Help pls! www.gofundme.com/f/help-ariel...

The Tockining

We've received a deluge of messages about ICE in the last several days. We don't know anything more than anyone else does at this point. One thing we do know is predicting ~MASSIVE RAIDS~ with no info to back that up would be wildly irresponsible. Highly suggest many of you slow the hell down.

David Lynch: “Believe it or not, God is gay.” Interviewer: “Elaborate on that.” Lynch: “No.” Rest in peace.

Elon Musk, Mark Zuckerberg, and Jeff Bezos are living proof of the male loneliness epidemic. No amount of money or surgically implanted hairlines will ever make you sufferable or likable.

When we hit 1000 followers, we’ll let a chimp zip line through the lion cages.

I like to yell “Parkour!” as I fall down the stairs.

Trump: We should kill every man, woman and child in Canada. Fox: Liberals triggered into melting down by Trump joke The Economist: Grown-ups can admit there are benefits to having less mouths to feed NYT: If We Killed Everyone In Canada, What Could They Do About It?

James Woods’ house burnt down and he says he doesn’t have a home owners insurance policy. Sending thoughts and prayers, James.

im sorry for re-posting that television`s ed mcmahon was seen running full speed into one of the fires. that was chinese disinformation

Ba dum dum dum da-da dum dum da DUM 44 years ago today, Phil Collins released his debut solo single, "In the Air Tonight," featuring THAT drum fill.

Bike lanes cure erectile dysfunction

BEHOLD MY ARMY OF PORNBOTS

Ah yes, the otherwise melodic and appealing Murder Junkies, ruined only by their lead singer.

As a tall person, I simply throw all the high shelved items on the floor for short people to revel and praise me for providing them with such a bounty

Lumpy gravy

“me and my grandpa stepped off a boat got ripped and started beating the shit out of people” like brother you cannot say sloop john b doesn’t open HARD

Happy Halloween (Orthodox)

roses are red readers have a digest;

hey this is the best thing i've seen in a while

My people

nothing hates being inside you more than corn

better to have loved and lost than never to have eaten a corn dog

dune and everything’s the same except the sandworms all look like this

How Morrisey is like an old guy's boner: - there's a chance he'll show up and put on a memorable performance - might take the stage for a while then walk off for reasons only he knows - unexpectedly cancels the show minutes beforehand

Pretty sure I am fucking super lowkey trying to OD on weed...forever attempting the fucking impossible, c'est moi

I always thought 'Wonderful Christmastime' was the worst song ever written, but then I found 'Temporary Secretary', and it's ALSO by Paul McCartney. We can't keep letting him get away with this.

My retirement planner recommended I join a doomsday cult.

I intentionally let a radioactive spider bite me and I've been trying to spin webs since... but mostly it's been diarrhea.

Q: what’s the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? A: Trump has never had a garbanzo bean on his face…