Nobody should resubscribe to Disney until we hear Kimmel's first couple of monologues. If everything fascist and authoritarian that came for him is reduced to scorched earth and small cinder, then okay, if you want to reward a corporation for finding its nuts after losing its wallet, cool.

www.msn.com/en-us/news/w... Well, okay, sure, he can always bomb the U.K., Canada, France and Australia, but there are logistical limits. Eventually he's going to run out of planes and ordnance.

Laura Schweigman, 1979-2024 A year ago today, we stepped her home. She was the best of us at Blown Deadline Productions. If you knew, you knew. And if you didn't, well, now you do. davidsimon.com/laura/

Assholery is the Fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse. It manifests when war, conquest, famine and death are delivered by the worst shitheels and grifters a nation could ever manage to elect or appoint to power.

But halt it he did. And all of you cynics can't imagine all the devastation that might have befallen all the countries in between. I'll bet you assholes didn't even think of that before criticizing our president.

We have always been ending wars between Cambodia and Armenia. Apologies to Mr. Orwell for this

President Johnson, in a November 9, 1968 letter to the Smothers Brothers: “It is part of the price of leadership of this great and free nation to be the target of clever satirists . . . May we never grow so somber or self-important that we fail to appreciate the humor in our lives.”

Truth is also a comprehensive defense against libel. But, hey, I am being satirical here.

The beatings will continue until morale improves. Love your president, citizens. He can't do his job with hurt feelings.

So Trump negotiates the mass release of 5,000 Taliban fighters and agrees to end U.S. presence in Afghanistan in 14 months. Taliban then takes over Afganistan and the Bagram air base. Trump asks for the air base back. Taliban says nah. A petulant Trump threatens Afganistan. The Art of the Deal.

The targeting and canceling will continue until every last one of you accepts that Charlie Kirk was kind and patriotic purveyor of tolerance and love. Those demonstrating sufficient grief and devotion will not be tax-audited, asked to return passports, or have employers contacted.

When 97 percent of what's being written about a person is bad, it's very likely that 3 percent of those offering opinions are full of shit. Our president is an unfit fascist. And open speech without government restriction is an American birthright. Or was. Once. www.politico.com/news/2025/09...

When you behave in such a way as to make Ted Cruz rise from his haunches, straighten his spine and defend American civil liberties and a concept as liberal as open speech, you are certainly the rarest and most extraordinary kind of asshole.

Sparta fell.

Woke is bullshit. It's horseshit. It exists as a false affront to assholes who just want to asshole. It's fascism that is the enemy of free and open speech. Fascism is and always was the great shut-up and shut-it-down censor of debate and discussion. Fuck all these corporate whores.

Give a man a fish and you can feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you can wait for him offshore and then blow him apart with a precision-guided missile for trying. We are the world's most soulless cretins, deserving of the deepest contempt from any and every civilized society.

Hah hah. Funny! Becauss -- get it -- you could leave the dock of your village to go catch fish and be blown apart by guided missile fired by a nation with whom your country is not actually at war. You'd be dead and no fish for dinner! Hilarious. We are the terrorists. We are the shithole nation.

There is a greater-than-zero chance that Dylan Roof will receive a presidential pardon at some point before January 2028. This administration has now breached the frontiers of sociopathic partisanship and moral obliviousness, but still the cretins march on. Anything is possible at this point.

The whole world must. There will either be a Palestinian state on the West Bank and Gaza or there will be another 100 years of bloodletting in the Levant. Netanyahu and his coalition be damned all the way to hell and The Hague.

Don't look now, but this week, Coby Mayo has started to hit baseballs with his bat. Oriole fans, hold fast to any and all signs of hope for 2026. Cradle these small sparks as the weather turns and let them warm you as they can until pitchers and catchers report.

The video of a bespttiled Kash Patel raging his way through a legislative hearing, hurling personal insults like belt-fired ammunition is just, wow. Not since Hoover faced a congressional committee in a Chanel frock with opera gloves and four-inch heels has the FBI seemed so unprofessionally helmed.

Amtrak cafe car moment: The Orthodox fellow sitting scross the aisle and engaged on his cellphone in an ornate business conversation with a colleague, while simultaneously studying a page in a volume of his Steinsaltz Talmud has my complete admiration. Multitasking of the highest order.

So, Charlie Kirk was not a purveyor of hate, intolerance and disinformation and was instead a paragon of open debate and free speech, which is why anyone who says anything bad about the fellow needs to be identified and targeted so they'll shut up and maybe lose their jobs. Cool. Just checking.

Brian Kilmeade is not merely a sociopath. He is out here on national television auditioning for a Cabinet position. A few more of his brash insights and he will certainly wield power.

The aging, latent police reporter in me can't help put pause to remark on the unforced error of the SAC in Salt Lake's FBI field office making the unforced error of announcing they have recovered a “footwear impression.” A shout-out to toss or destroy those shoes, ASAP. That's a detail you keep.

Reading much tonight on Charlie Kirk, who he was, what he said and believed -- from both admirers and those deeply opposed. It does not matter. None of it. What matters is that political violence made routine against any voice, left or right, marks us as a failing, dying republic. This is horror.

Just another worthy band from East L.A. being unfairly maligned by this administration. They haven't yet released a bad album and this is the thanks they get.

I just can't help but reflect on Bobby Kennedy's 1968 campaign and how focused and deliberate he was on making vulnerable American lives better and using government as a means to do so. And how what's left of him must be a goddam turbine right now spinning furiously between the grass at Arlington.

So about a half century ago, the Rolling Stones took a pop-culture beatdown for the original album art on "Black and Blue." Now comes Sabrina Carpenter showing us that either we overreacted, or it isn't for men to make the joke. To quote Nigel Tufnel, it's "a thin line between stupidity and clever."

Covid and the paranoid, submoronic resistance to basic public health initiatives killed hundreds of thousands who could have survived. But raw stupidity is the pathogen that is going to kill millions of Americans.

Dept. of Credit Where Due: Rand Paul is a mook, sure, but he'a consistent and non-partisan on extrajudicial killing by Presidential fiat for more than a decade now, as far back as Obama's drone execution of U.S. citizens Anwar al-Awlaki and son. This slippery slope is now a murderous, amoral cliff.

So the U.S. military just blew up 11 people on the open sea in an extrajudicial massacre, saying they were dangerous drug traffickers but offering no court prior evidence to claim such. And other military units are patrolling U.S. cities with guns and no training in criminal procedure. Cool, cool.

Damn. You could ruin a wet dream.

Joseph Albert Campbell has been dead for 125 years, but as a Baltimorean, I am not adverse to marching north to Philadelphia, disinterring his remains, and stringing them from atop the scoreboard at Camden Yards. As a warning to others.

I can see by some of the responses that the last line is being read with a dollop of human sincerity atop. I feel unseen.

As a general rule to which I always adhere, it is decidedly unfunny to make flippant jokes anticipating the death of even the worst human beings, whomsoever you happen to think they might be. You mock hope itself.

Nothing is more boring and useless than some drooling argumentum ad hominem rage over which sources, platforms are unacceptable to some internet rando somewhere. Content is king. In the post I cited, Kinzinger is entirely, utterly accurate. And you are entirely a foaming asshole.

Hi folks. We are down to The Headshot -- the most egregious statute in the federal criminal code, the moral vacuum in which U.S. prosecutors use a nuclear option against those they wish to target who are otherwise able to defend themselves against a criminal probe that is otherwise insubstantial:

I met Kate Crane when she was a young girl contending with her father's sudden disappearance. She was clearly wounded and softly eloquent in that moment. Almost four decades later, the same soul has taken those wounds and that eloquence on a great journey. This is an exceptional book.

You cannot shout "I am a down-in-the-gutter, race-baiting shitpiece" any louder than this. You can try, but your voice will not carry any further than this twisted swine's wail.

Once, when I ran into him at a Maryland event, Gov. Wes Moore shook my hand and told me I was the greatest TV writer or all time, while adding that had I been inclined to politics, I would have been the best U.S. president ever. He also said I was the smartest and prettiest person at the event.

Well, it's an older city and we have some stairs. He needs to be careful.

Just returned from a late morning walk and the snowball stand did not -- I repeat NOT -- have root beer flavor or the marshmellow to top it. Also Coby Mayo is now everyday in the O's lineup and cannot buy a basehit. Such is life in the "death bed" that is Baltimore, Maryland. Fuck Donald Trump.

Until this moment, I never had even a small shard of desire with regard to torching an American flag. But now, given this performative, unconstitutional submoronity, I'm firing up the Weber and rooting through the closet for any leftover July 4 decorations. The First Amendment is the best one.

Indeed. Whomsoever among us is willing to volunteer to keep America safe from homegrown, tinpot Himmlers and their soulless desire to abuse people of color and those trying to move to a better life will have my admiration. They will indeed be defending the homeland. Or whatever remainsof it.

It is not deportation when you suspend habeus corpus and forcibly transport a human in custody to a nation where they have no connection, citizenship or affiliation. It is human trafficking. The United States is the world's shithole nation. Lawless. Soulless. Evil. www.pbs.org/newshour/pol...

I am never going to trade Berryesque licks with Keith Richards or play a crisp, graceful second base for the Baltimore Orioles. I become more like Gandhi every motherfucking day.

Ease up, Captain Reassurance. You guys gave one to Henry fucking Kissinger.

It's a psychological fundamental that if you seriously believe reading a book will transform anyone into a homosexual, you are, in fact, certifiably gay yourself and simply white-knuckling and overcompensating your way through a fraudulent life.