Well played. The game and the snark both. Yes, everything Trump touches turns to shit. But the Belgians winning that game regardless credits them in full.

Live your life so that at the end, when you are hospitalized and people are debating if you are dead, very nearly dead, or brain-dead but still breathing restfully, the matter isn't an endless source of internet comedy, contempt-filled criticism and weekend-at-Bernie jokes.

Old enough to recall when the Baltimore Sun would not have allowed this into print. Hell, I can remember when rewrite czar Dave Ettlin would send a young reporter out of the building and down a block to study the Centre Street sign so they would never ever spell it as Center again. Fuck AI.

An old police reporter today takes a slight detour in St. Louis to visit the resting place of one of the true OG's of Jewish gangsterdom. And yes I threw Charlie a quick Kaddish. IYKYK.

Fix bayonets. The slavers and strict constitutional originalists shall not pass.

Don't get fooled again.

You hollow clown. By a 5-4 decision, the highest court in the land has barely managed to affirm the plain language of the Constitution and you think it's time to breathe deep and enjoy the fireworks.

Am reminded of when Ben Bradlee reported Lyndon Johnson was going to fire FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover and Johnson, incensed, went to a podium and gave Hoover a lifetime posting, then told reporters to tell Bradlee to "go fuck himself." Would hate to blame poor Nina Totenberg for Alito enduring.

BY a 5-4 margin, the U.S. Supreme Court has determined the U.S. Constitution has plain words that actually mean what they say. In a dissenting opinion, Justices Alito, Thomas, Gorsuch & Kavanaugh argue they are dread pirates and therefore the U.S. Constitution is more a guideline than a hard rule.

That the Supreme Court has ruled the president can without cause fire officials in myriad departments and effectively destroy our civil service -- but cannot fuck with a Federal Reserve boardmember -- says it all. Fuck over the people and how they are serviced? Cool. Fuck with the money? Hell no.

His facility with language, such as it is, requires Our National Shitheel to operate with whatever crutch allows him a shard of emphasis here and there. Adjectives and adverbs are for Loser Dumocrats.

Me, citing NY Post article on Mamdani violating dress code by jumping into city pool in a suit: If it had been a tan suit we'd have a week of front-page outrage. Rando: "He"s the mayor goofballs." Me: "Not my mayor. I live in Sarcastia. It's in Conn. Rando: "Then what do you care?" I love this app.

Shit is fierce, too. Forget meth and fentanyl, the criminally-made algae that is showing up the corners now will knock a fiend on his ass if it doesn't kill him outright. Here's hoping Pirro and Patel can find the labs and bust up the international distro before too many people die.

If it were a tan suit, they'd have thrown their outrage across the front page for a week.

Not at all, Trump-Brunson is the best Knick backcourt combo since Monroe-Frazier.

I speak of the century from 1923 to 2024 (B.A.E.) in which everyone knew a stroll between the Lincoln and Washington Memorials, accompanied by restful pauses, reflections, even a picnic or two, was among the great joys for visitors and D.C. residents alike. But no, the Assholic Era is now upon us.

After personally leading the Knicks to the NBA championship, seducing the prime minister of Italy and winning the war with Iran, you are the greatest president ever, sir.

Among Maryland folk, this calls to mind Mayor William Donald Schaefer's 1981 kept promise to swim in the seal tank if Baltimore's new aquarium didn't open on schedule. A genuinely ineloquent politician, Schaefer had a LaGuardian charm to him nonetheless. Mamdani moreso, but with lethal eloquence.

Repatriation of the family by Ms. Jacks today. I have it on good authority that at least one of the ducklings bears my name. Possibly several. If so, they will be remembered in my will, of course. I am, as ever, a giver.

Small thread: This is a fascinating and important debate. There's no doubt that there are women incarcerated for killing men after years of abuse and whose sentences should be reconsidered. At the same time, some years ago, I reported on an effort by Maryland authorities and domestic-violence...

The same people who build, improve and breathe life into our country are the ones we are always trying to keep out. A nation of immigrants filled with fear, hate and ultimately, self-loathing.

There are a few moms who have no reason to doubt my sincerity. But we take your point, overall.

It's that time of year again on the Simon porch. Five years now and running. And yes, this is the moment in late spring or early summer where I always feel as if my life is being scripted by David Chase, albeit without a particularly interesting mid-life crisis that hurls me into psychotherapy.

The only enhancement that could render this the perfect metaphor for the Trump reign would be if RFK Jr. declared the water in the pool to be healthier than raw milk and every moron devoted to these imbeciles drank it up.

A.I.

If a used car salesman told you that an automobile had fundamentally never been in an accident, and was fundamentally well-cared for its previous owner and had an odometer that was fundamentally correct, you would know with certainty that the car had gone through hell and was for shit.

Like many other Americans, I would totally be watching tonight's lovely gladiatorial spectacle, but dammit, I already committed to helping deworm a neighbor's dogs, repainting a vacant garage in the alley and then drinking turpentine and watching Archer episodes until I pass out. #Priorities

It's almost summer and that first moment when you drink two nutcrackers from a walking beach vendor, lay out in the Rockaway sand and smile stupidly at the fact that the water always manages to come right up to the beach in the same approximate place every single day.

Addendum: When a Bluesky gnat comes to a thread offering his own condescension, he needs to be heard. His insights should prevail. When he is then condescended upon, he flies away.

See, that wasn't so hard? You managed to inform me of my ignorance about American life and our political trends and continuums all on your own. Bluesky gnats. Small, useless and buzzing around every thread. But hey, it's summer now. You're right on time.

Our multicultural capital, America's First City of immigrants, the metropolis that lives and proves the true promise of this country every day, is today the happiest place on Earth.

From the sound of it, I'm sure you can manage a brief moment of empty pedantry.

Who is going to tell him?

We have given our republic over to trash.

No one on this godforsaken planet needs, deserves or has the slightest right to possess a trillion dollars. We need a society and governance healthy enough and moral enough to amend its rules enough to take 500 billion away, use it to address real need and assure the shitheel he will somehow endure.

If there is anyone in the government of the Islamic Republic of Iran who doesn't have The Art of The Deal on their nightstand and who doesn't laugh their balls off every night before drifting into restful sleep, they're just not living their best life.

No true New Yorker inserts a punctuation mark to avoid the profane. North Jersey, same. This is some Westchester shit right here. Or possibly something even more pastoral further up the fucking river.

Can you imagine, say, Roosevelt taking to the radio to announce, in advance, that there would be bombing over Germany and Japan on a given night? Someone doesn't give a fuck about the lives of American pilots and crews. His public dick-grab matters more.

Do you know how stupid you have to be to declare that Unionist militants in Belfast are trying to "take their country back...All they want to be is Irish"? Markwayne-Mullin stupid. And even then most of us would have to get fall-down drunk first.

There are many in the fallen world of American politics who are more mendacious, more corrupt, more self-aggrandizing. But no one -- and I mean no one -- is as empty, soulless and craven as this man.

We elected this unrestrained, delusional, ass-ignorant brat to the United States presidency twice. Our republic is tragedy and farce.

All of the wonders of New Orleans and we're going to import this shit? Just no. Stop.

The apocalypse will be derivative, boring and entirely predictable. Which takes all the fun out of it.

A couple more days like today on Wall Street and we'll be allowed to talk about the Epstein files and rich men fucking children again.

Norway, bringing the humor. A phrase that I never thought I'd write. This is grand:

This can only end well.

Without the slightest regard to any ugly details about any candidate in any race involving the U.S. Presidency, Senate or House of Represenatives: In any election I would vote for the mouldering corpse of any dead Democrat over any living Republican. Fascism is here. I want to live in a republic.

I have no complaint about him sleeping. Less damage to the nation and world than when he wakes.

That Indiana might end up with two of the most storied of the original NFL franchises speaks not well of Indiana, but poorly of the NFL. What's next? The South Bend Packers?

Okay, so the headline "Disney Princesses Expose 'Obscene' Truth About What Really Goes On At Theme Parks" might be the greatest possible tease of internet clickbait to this moment. I'm not clicking through. 1) It's almost certainly trifling hype. 2) My own imagination exceeds all.