Funny cartoon. But this is precisely what the United States Supreme Court has presently decided is sufficient reasonable suspicion to legally stop and detain human beings. That court is now fetid trash. So is our republic as a result.

Got it. Nancy Pelosi is retiring from government because she is being forced out by angry, emerging leftists in the Democratic party. Not because she is 85 fucking years old. This fucking guy.

The hard work is paying off. Gotta keep it going. 💙🌊🩵

Know why all the multimillionaires and billionaires will not flee New York after the election of a socialist mayor? It's subtle, but do note they have millions of fucking dollars. And it's the greatest city if you have the cash for it. Or even if not. Get the fuck gone with these empty threats.

Something like those caravans of refugees that would begin deep in Central America and then crawl along for weeks toward our southern border as Fox News spits out fearful jeremiads. Except this will be a stream of BMWs and Benzes on car carriers on I-95 to Florida. And who gives a listless fuck.

I expect lawyering and oratory of a kind that will put Darrow's summation in the Loeb-Leopold trial to shame. As Darrow saved his cliehts from execution, I expect the jury in this case to rise as one and hurl stray pieces of their lunch at the DOJ attorneys.

I am reminded of Michael O'Donoghue's classic National Lampoon essay on the Churchillian Wit: “If you were my husband, Winston, I’d poison your coffee,” offered Lady Astor. “And if you were my wife, I’d beat the shit out of you,” came Churchill’s unhesitating retort. And so forth and so on...

There's still time. All that needs to happen to keep the communist insurgent out of power is for Cuomo to call Mike Pence and tell him he doesn't want to yet again go down as a wimp. And if Pence punks out again, hell, there's a bunch of freshly pardoned warriors ready to storm Gracie Mansion.

Still need our help.

Don't fret about it. Once that big new ballroom gets finished, the American people are going to happy as hell.

A nerve wasn't hit, you dumb mook. A functioning brain that has a few clues about just how little ACAB and Defund rhetoric has accomplished in years -- and how it utterly alienated the American political center from supporting any actual reform -- responded in full. You guys will never fix shit.

ACAB and Defund The Police -- the two most destructive messaging efforts from sloganeers who don't actually want to fix a fucking thing and will, at every opportunity, alienate the entire electorate from actual police reform for the sheer pleasure of their own self-regarding purities. Eat a dick.

Hard, fast rule from a veteran police reporter: Excepting anyone engaged in infiltrating a criminal conspiracy in an undercover capacity, any law officer who hides his identity from the public is a shitheel is doing vile shit and is, in fact, actively destroying the credibility of law enforcement.

Some moments call for statesmanship. And sometimes you just need a guy from Chicago, Illinois.

Every day, as a Jew, I am going to call the ADL's tip line to report Mamdani anti-Semitism with at least three seismically moronic insights. I will begin with an accusation that the new mayor prefers strawberry and blueberry bagels to savory, and sometimes schmears butter. Fuck Jonathan Greenblatt.

Mook, you've stumbled onto a thread in which we aren't predicting the future but instead arguing over the definition and legacy of a politician who has been dead 80 fucking years. History has played itself in full. Hug your mom. Touch your nuts.

Painting LaGuardia as a fiscal conservative by citing his initial struggles upon taking over New York at the height of the Depression requires you to also paint the New Deal as fiscally conservative, eh? The New Deal was democratic socialism in full and LaGuardia embraced it. You're a pretzel here.

In honor of last night's victory by a progressive, I offer this memory of the greatest big-city mayor in U.S. history, a man of the left who also governed as a socialist. If Mr. Mamdani goes on WNYC this Sunday and reads the funny papers to kids my heart will burst. m.youtube.com/watch?v=_G-I...

Career-ender. Or should be.

There's a joke about aristocrats. I'll say no more.

Inbox— next cover of the New Yorker: “Mayor Mamdani,” by Edel Rodriguez

Has Cuomo left yet? Is he packed at least?

A New York mayor who governs in practical terms as a socialist, guided by a consistent and genuine promise to always consider and address the basic needs and hopes of everyday New Yorkers? Crazy, surreal shit. But Fiorello LaGuardia is smiling somewhere tonight.

Go fund me: Feature remake of Twelve Angry Men, but it is the D.C. Sandwich Toss jury and instead of jurors at each other's throats they have the most unbridled fun that any 12 American adults locked in a room can have short of group sex. $2M gets it to a streamer. $4M with above-the-line actors.

Spelling aside, all the good, real New Yorkers will hang. Don't threaten me with a good time.

A tale I must tell today on my late mother, and in doing so, I mean no actual disrespect to the Cheney family, grieving as they are for the actual loss of their loved one. The humor that follows is that of the Simon family's dark and dystropic sense of humor and so, an apology in advance. However...

It's not funny. A launched pastrami from Katz's can knock a man unconscious. I've seen it happen.

Thank god he was wearing the vest.

Saddest think I can't think to say is that 1) he lived long enough to be somehow perceived -- by a matter of raw contrast -- as a plausible, proportioned Republican leader and 2) to know that his post-Watergate belief in the restoration of an imperial presidency led to our current national hell.

Mr. Dunn now travels a path of martyrdom for American freedom that Nathan Hale would surely recognize, and we all regret he had but one sub sandwich to give for his country. But most vexing is that the American media has failed miserably to fully report the story. What kind of sandwich was it?

The great thing about the Trump endorsement is that even before his terms as president and all the misery attached for blue-state America, there was no more disliked celebrity in New York. Donald Trump was known to New Yorkers as a constant chisler and self-aggrandizing vulgarian. Mazel tov, Andy.

Just finished rereading William Kennedy's Albany triology and the internet says this magnificent storyteller is still with us. Sure he's not on the internet. Can someone march to his door and slip a note under it thanking him from me and the rest of the planet? Thx much.

Amending only to include Republican donors, of course. They're even more Mr. Cuomo's constituency.

Aside from everything else in this abysmal performance, nothing is more surreal than her employ of the phrase: "This is no way to treat a fucking U.S. Representative." At this point, most sentient Americans wouldn't wipe their asses with a member of Congress. www.wired.com/story/nancy-...

Meanwhile, Mr. Cuomo was on the phone to every Democratic donor he could reach in Nassau and Westchester counties wailing about impending communism just over the city line. He couldn't find Grand Street without a motorcade or give a shit what happens to anyone actually living there.

There's no legality to blowing them up in New York harbor.

All of this is true enough as far as it goes. But even more problematic is the fact that when the U.S. Coast Guard interdicts suspect vessels, boarding and searching for drugs, a quarter of the time they find no contraband. We're not just murdering drug smugglers. We are murdering innocent people.

I have a bachelor's degree from the University of Maryland for the same degree of achievement.

If the amount of waste in the program by which we feed our poor and working people approached even a hyperbolic 50 percent of the total spent, neither the Pentagon, nor the burgeoning ICE brownshirt brigades would deign to wipe their asses with that pocket change. That's a conversation to have.

I have reached a level of firm acceptance that at least three to four of my fellow countrymen and women are too fucking stupid to be citizens of a republic. And another three of ten are too stupid to care.

Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States has no penis. But at all times and in all matters, you must understand, he is still very special, very powerful and very important. And if he one day does acquire a penis, it will be the best and biggest one.

It's bad. They really took a hit. And folks are now on the ground in Jamaica moving to help. They need our support: www.today.com/news/how-to-...

Starting to worry that the Dodgers didn't spend enough.

Let's hope all of us have the wisdom to sustain this pyramid scheme to the last possible moment of credulity. This delays any unpleasantness that might otherwise ruin the weekend.

If you have absolutely nothing good to say about A.I. come and sit by me. www.thewrap.com/emma-thompso...

Melissa looks to be coming ashore in St. Elizabeth on Jamaica's south shore and I'm thinking of a small personal connection. For Justine Henzell and all the good folk with Jake's resort and the Calabash Literary Festival, one of the warmest, most genuine events in my memory: Stay safe all of you.

Pray for Jamaica. This looks bad.

Listen, folks. The white population of Baltimore did not bundle up much of the city's tax base and scurry en masse over the county line after Brown V. BOE to have black motorists still driving about willy-nilly on the public streets decades later. They're out there for a reason. And so is the BCPD.

Small thread: We could begin to repair this republic if the Sunday Q&A panels were replaced. The ask-a-question-get-a-lie-ask-another-question formats no longer work in this post-fact hellscape. Instead, I propose a single, one-hour block entitled not Meet The Press or Face The Nation but rather...

At the counter of Russ & Daughters, sitting beside two ladies who seem to be sampling their first bagels & lox, nodding to each other and speaking in emphatic Chinese. New York is the greatest city in the world. Waves of immigration, assimilation and cross-cultural pollination make it so.