if i am going to get raptured tomorrow do i still need to finish my spreadsheets

my version of sports is watching people back their gigantic vehicles into tiny parking spots

best writing advice i heard in grad school is that if you are stuck on a story just add a gorilla mask and see what happens

Anyone who signs this pledge is not a journalist.

this whole week has been like if chaos tried to keep a bunch of smaller chaoses as pets

do y’all think any of those octopus cities are hiring

just putting my little numbers into their little squares while the world ends

hey friends, i have a poem about how weird it is to have a body in the latest issue of @whaleroadreview.bsky.social and I hope you'll visit the issue here: www.whaleroadreview.com/bolden/

happy to report the parking lot at the new trader joe’s is just as terrible as a trader joe’s parking lot should be

living will? you mean who gets my funko pops?

somehow my monday continuously keeps out-mondaying itself in an attempt to become the übermonday

happy to report i spent three days reformatting my manuscript then immediately realized it needed to go back the way it was

anybody know how i turn off my brain’s notifications for the night

the way the internet works is you pick up your phone to find out if you’re having an allergic reaction and then you’ve watched a man in santa suit paint a santa figurine for twenty minutes

why do the parrots never call me i am asking

you cannot tell me that this antique wooden secretary someone is trying to sell on nextdoor isn’t haunted. it is so haunted. there are ghosts oozing out of this thing everywhere.

i know it’s september but is it too early to turn the lights out and eat the halloween candy?

listen. having the rest of this week is a bad idea. let’s just call it now. let’s just cancel the rest of the week and call it a weekend.

So, right now, the only reliable way to diagnose endometriosis is with exploratory surgery. But finally, real scientists (instead of male scientists), are on the job & of course they’ve identified multiple markers in menstrual blood that point to noninvasive testing. www.science.org/content/arti...

the past 24 hours have had supreme what the fuck energy

trying to fit in as many trips to the olive garden as possible before the world ends

so this is — holy fuck www.cnn.com/2025/09/09/e...

chicken soup la croix

honestly jealous of caterpillars bc a cocoon sounds like real good right now

never mind guys, i just found out there's a deluxe version of the kpop demon hunters soundtrack so we're good

it is 9:45 a.m. and let me tell you i have already had a DAY

why are all the dragon books so horny these days

my best friend just asked me to tell her about kpop so she can talk to someone she just met THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE

cannot wait to be emotionally devastated by the bread episode of this season of the great british bake-off

(meeting someone’s baby) oh he probably smells my baby

how many emojis do i need to use to prove this text isn’t mean

if anyone tried to monetize me today i swear to god i will lose it

i hope this email never finds you. i hope you are free

like honestly i’m really easygoing, it’s just that the most minute change in my schedule will make me melt down, you know?

Get the hell off Substack before you literally can’t anymore without blowing up your business

this is blurry but i need you to see the very specific expression of joy on my cat’s face when he realizes i am about to throw him his pickle toy

IYKYK #LaborDay

Jose Hernandez Diaz, Jennifer Franklin, and I are editing an urgent anthology to be published by Small Harbor Publishing in response to the Bill that was passed in the House and Senate. Subs open 8/15-9/25. www.smallharborpublishing.com/the-big-brut...

i want a tv series called “werner herzog eats a hot dog” in which werner herzog just eats a hot dog and talks about life for an hour

YOU GUYS IT’S ME

The average American simply has no idea how quickly the infrastructure that keeps us safe and healthy is collapsing. These systems run in the background thanks to government employees who quietly do critical work. Those employees are being purged and systems are being destroyed.

... lovely @maggiesmithpoet.bsky.social meditation on embracing accident in our writing: substack.com/@maggiesmith...

YOU GUYS WE MADE IT, GREAT BRITISH BAKE OFF COMES BACK NEXT WEEK

every time i see a book i’m just like, i love her

this is horrifying and heartbreaking www.pbs.org/newshour/nat...

just saw a book set in 1995 described as historical fiction and i withered away into dust

i’m not being mean i’m just being hungry

the way i use the internet is i start looking for a potato recipe and two minutes later I’ve read 32 articles about the cadaver synod of 897

covering my entire body in tiger balm like a mentholated second skin

updated microsoft word for the first time in years and now it’s flagging cuss words and i am like my friend, we are not going to get along like this