the accuracy is stunning

jesus christ

preparing for a video call by having a conversation with my cat about how no one on the call wants or needs to see his butt

one time i was crying in my car and the google earth truck drove by and i just turned around and went to taco bell bc that seemed like the only right thing to do

just me yelling “TALK TO THE PHARMACIST” at the automated agent with the power of every breath i have ever taken into my lungs

Opens Zoom: Hello, radiant child. Enjoy your Vaseline-inspired filters! Opens Teams: GET BACK IN THE CRYPT, HELL HAG

As of tonight, licenses of trans people across Kansas are being invalidated en masse, enabling the overnight criminalization of an entire group of people for going about our lives. It’s often said you never know when you’re living through history, so let me assure you: that’s what’s happening now.

firmly believe every pet owner has at least one daily ritual with their pet that they can never talk about bc it is so crazy

this program about François Clemmons, who played Officer Clemmons on Mr. Rogers, was outstandingly good. posting for people outside the wbhm listening area bc damn this was good wbhm.org/memories-mil...

i really admire people who stop reading things that are bad because i absolutely cannot. i need to know just how bad it is. i need to be able to complain in detail

Alysa Liu telling 60 Minutes “I love struggling, it makes me feel alive” is a legit revolutionary statement from a Bay Area native in a time when copious amounts of time and resources are being put toward convincing us to opt out of experiencing struggle, friction and self-actualization

hate it when the olympics is over and i have to wait a few years to have a personality again

i was late for our regularly scheduled playtime so my cat sat in his toy box and gave me a pointed look

Ask not for whom the yee haws—it haws for yee

they are doing the craziest shit possible on skis in this olympics. they’re just making shit up. like “yeah so you’re gonna ski off someone’s roof, do a bong rip, ski down AND THEN UP a mountain, flip six times in the air, then shoot six guns. that’s the event. we’re calling it big half ski pipe”

HOW CAN I BUILD A BEAR I’M NOT GOD

hiiii i'm super excited to have a new poem in the latest issue of @upthestaircase.bsky.social. i hope you'll give the issue a visit: www.upthestaircase.org

i am fibromylagedOUT

I’ve admired @lostballoon.bsky.social for a long time, so I’m especially honored that they gave a home to this piece about the bewildering experience of going to a camp for high-school-age writers weeks after my second laparoscopy for endometriosis. TW: chronic pain, suicidal ideation

i love freestyle skiing bc the announcers are clearly just making things up. like “yeah tørvald just launched up some butter into a solid grab flavor match pop off 7830. look at that air”

flavor blasted is no longer enough for me. i want flavor WASTED. flavor DECIMATED. flavor DESTROYED

at this point i’m convinced they’re just handing people in the stands a broom and asking if they want to do curling

i'm so excited to have a poem in the latest issue of Radar Poetry. if you head to the website you can hear me read it, and the issue is a beauty--AND there's a stunning poem by @wordperv.bsky.social there, too! www.radarpoetry.com/privilege

YOU CALL THAT BIG AIR? THAT’S NOT EVEN MEDIUM AIR. THAT’S MICRO AIR, me, a person who would not even be able to put on a pair of skis, yelling at an olympic champion

you’re in her dms. i’m in the bottom of her purse. i’m seventeen half-used chapsticks. we are not the same

Idk man someone opened an ornate bottle and here I am

winter olympics event suggestion: all the horse stuff from the summer olympics except the horses are on skis

In terms of what cures are being lost: - Epstein-Barr virus is perhaps the major trigger for multiple sclerosis - herpes simplex virus causes cold sores, genital herpes, infections in babies, deadly meningitis - shingles virus causes an intensely painful disease

friends today i’m taking a giant step towards drastically improving my quality of life. i’m buying a new notebook

one thing i have learned from the winter olympics is that snow and ice are very slippery

“I’ve reviewed over 50 sticky toffee puddings” is an incredibly powerful way to begin a video

[doing my daily affirmations in the mirror] i am the horror and i will be persisting

sometimes i feel like a very capable person, sometimes i start crying because i have to change my sheets

looking forward to putting the stupidest words any human being has ever uttered in my drafts folder

is there an olympic sport that just involves eating chips bc i feel like i would be good at that

i admire suddenly salad! as a brand bc i like the idea of pasta just appearing so quickly it’s a total surpise

guy about to announce the invention of the chair: you're gonna wanna sit down for this.

If science is so great why do we only have one vegetable on the cob

one thing i have gleaned from watching the olympics is that if i even tried to put on skis i would not survive

my falafel place changed from crinkle fries to regular fries. i’m not mad i’m just disappointed

if it looks like i am thinking intensely about something, i am, and that something is always lunch

TODAY IS THE DAY THE OLYMPICS ARE STARTING GET READY FOR ME TO HAVE SO MANY OPINIONS ABOUT SKI JUMPING A SPORT I KNOW ZERO INFORMATIONS ABOUT

“Oh how do you find things to talk about” Have you seen human beings???? They are injecting hyaluronic acid into their penises for the Olympics

at cracker barrel you can get chicken dumplings with a side of dumplings and i think that’s beautiful

patiently waiting for the day that one (1) thing in my life works out

only a few days before the olympics becomes my entire personality again

i can tell a book is good if i am willing to go to reddit to read theories about it

hey so does anybody know how to like, function