swallowing a balsam fir whole in an attempt to get in the christmas spirit

if someone gave me all of the birds from the 12 days of christmas i would train those birds to peck their eyes out

my cat makes this noise that clearly means “i hate you and you make my life agony” and on one hand it’s adorable and on the other hand my guy. who gives you soft tuna food 3x a day bc you have no teeth. who does that my guy

i spend too much time worrying about what others think of me and too little time thinking about how fucking cool dragons are

my bedtime ritual involves a skincare routine, reading something relaxing, staying away from screens, turning off the light, getting cozy, then asking myself the most bizarrely intrusive questions for about an hour

Terrifying headline if you don’t realize they are sports teams.

i keep trying to finish my novel and my novel keeps being like NOT SO FAST BITCH

85% of the characters in the Charlie Brown comics deeply needed lexapro

if i were ursula the sea witch and ariel came to me i’d pour her a drink and be like “girl you don’t even know him. he has nice hair and you’re gonna abandon your family? he wears deep v-cut shirts. he eats all of your friends”

can’t stop won’t stop (laying down)

see the thing about the holidays is that they’re the fucking holidays

see the thing about the holidays is that they’re the fucking holidays

Sesame Street taught me to count to twelve, but in the most dramatic way possible

no one can convince me that "i saw mommy kissing santa claus" isn't about someone discovering their mom is down bad for santa

A fun Christmas gift idea is just melt chocolate over everything!

being able to sing well must be amazing, like you must have the best showers

my dentist is straight playing groove music and i feel like this is not the right mood for getting a crown

The Dark Crystal is a christmas movie

the past 48 hours have been horrific

As we mourn Rob Reiner, don’t skip this: he was, pretty much, personally responsible for overturning California’s Prop 8 banning same sex marriage. www.hollywoodreporter.com/business/bus...

Jesus Christ

being italian means that there is an italian restaurant three minutes from my house i refuse to go to bc their sauce is too different from my family’s sauce and therefore wrong

buffalo rock 1000000% (also i am so sorry kentucky friends but ale eight is so awful)

holiday tip: when putting together your charcuterie board, don’t forget the cocaine!

is the christmas spirit extreme exhaustion because if it is then i am definitely in the christmas spirit

my love language is filet o fish

the last time i wore highlighter someone made fun of me so hard that from now on i plan to wear so much highlighter the reflective surface of my cheekbones will be visible from mars

sorry i can’t, i have to watch cersei lannister blow up the sept of baelor on a loop for three hours

sure some parts of living alone suck but i can sing the entire soundtrack of Chess the musical at the top of my lungs and no one can say shit

just started an email "Hi Christ" instead of "Hi Chris." very holy

i really should’ve found someone to turn me into a newt before the holiday season

at this age i thought i’d be a singing high schooler in a cool jacket, based on what i learned from the movie grease

i’m watching a show where a girl got turned into an otter and honestly i have never been so jealous

really looking forward to pulling my cat out of the christmas tree every few hours for the next month

In the song “Hurt” by Nine Inch Nails, further popularized by Johnny Cash, do they sing: “What have I become, my Swedish friend?” Like you’re existentially asking your pal Bjorn. or is it more like “What? Have I become my Swedish friend?” Like you may have become Bjorn.

hoarding my wealth (funko pops)

Revisiting this stunning poem – “Postdiluvian” by Emma Bolden @emmabolden.bsky.social in @versedaily.bsky.social – originally published in Asheville Poetry Review 🤍 #poetrycommunity #WritingCommunity

is this a safe space for me to say i have never seen the movie home alone

🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈I dream of the day when the world can become a place where transgender people can live proudly and freely as themselves, and where they can love freely As a mascot, I see human love as beautiful and wonderful. I love you all today as well♡

one good thing about getting older is that everyone wants to leave the family gathering early bc none of us can see well at night

where is the vibe if it’s collapsed past shambles bc i think that’s where the vibe is right now

Well, according to my chocolate advent calendar, it's just two days until Christmas.

just spent like an hour on happy gas and then drank half a diet coke and my consciousness ascended to a higher realm

if i were ursula the sea witch and ariel came to me i’d pour her a drink and be like “girl you don’t even know him. he has nice hair and you’re gonna abandon your family? he wears deep v-cut shirts. he eats all of your friends”

sometimes i will think something is extremely funny and then i will say it and immediately be like “oh no that’s gonna get me hospitalized”

well i for one think the ugly christmas sweaters are beautiful

i have decided not to december this year. like everyone else can december as much as they want to, but i will not be taking part.

one of dante’s lesser known circles of hell is going back to work on the first of the month after a holiday

can you imagine just going through your day except you’re stevie nicks so you have to change capes every half hour

love that the nintendo game spectrum is like “mario but if italians were paper” to “fifteen hour odyssey of contemplating your own mortality”