it’s good advice

all the stupid shit you guys make me read and not once has anyone bothered to mention james joyce’s letters to his wife about how much he loves fucking the farts out of her???

Mr. Beast, all my friends and I were saying how good at boxing you’d be

i really think there is legit political space for running on "we are going to dismantle ICE"

great weekend for dipshits being punched in the face

Hmm, wonder what the explanation could be?

put this on my tombstone

yes I have an opinion.

[running up from the back of the plane by the poop toilets and karate chopping this guy in the throat] I am taking this flight over for miss piggy HIYA

let’s just assume anyone worth over $100 million hung out with epstein and banish them from society

pretty sure I designed this house in animal crossing

it is almost Christmas which means it’s Muppet Christmas Carol season and that, in turn, means it is time to revisit this delightful interview with Michael Caine, who loves everything about that movie even more than you do

And please also, AGAIN, never forget that they are inherently unethical to use because no one gave permission for their research or writing to be used in it. It is all stolen, and if you're using the plagiarism machine, please keep that in mind.

rfk will not rest until your kid is dead wapo.st/4s2l2zn

this is from zoolander

✨Use A.I. to write a thoughtful note to your wife✨ okay great ✨A.I. can also pick out a nice gift for her✨ awesome ✨And it can even fuck her for you too✨ hang on ✨Too late. Now your kids call AI dad. You’re welcome.✨

free market!!! except with billionaire-backed AI, that we will be forcing down your throats. 💕

"Has feminism failed women brought to you by bank of america" is my MKULTRA sleeper agent activation phrase

"This promise of an AI future, is really just a collective anxiety that wealthy people have about how well they're gonna be able to control us in the future." - @tressiemcphd.bsky.social with an absolute mic drop moment about AI bullshit. Incredible words. Listen to all of it!

I love my two blackout drunk Minnesota sons

everything I know about puka nacua I have learned against my will. in the last two days.

[every time a new name drops in the epstein files] wow it’s always the people you most expect

We can do even more.

Trump Assures Struggling Nation He Has Plenty Of Money

no. next question please

I guess it’s good to finally have an answer to the age old question, if a fart came to life and was elected president would it become evil?

people who say “I didn’t vote for this” are admitting, out loud and often in the news, that they were conned by a barely sentient foot fungus. I would take that embarrassment to the grave.

There should be a constitutional mechanism for removing a president. Not impeachment, something that actually works, maybe like a catapult

“I feel that I’ve befriended her—“ let me stop you right there. you didn’t. and it’s not a her. hope this helps!

Marco Rubio just straight up looks like a sad divorced man at a Motel 6.

Trump's dementia has grown so extreme that a select group of advisors are now running the country without his input. To find who those advisors are and what their plans are, buy my new book, which will appear in March 2029.

This is theft. Of our science. Of our skills. Of our future.

okay that’s enough jump scares for one day

blink once if you’ve never lured a kid into the forest and baked him in a cake

I think this is a picture from my dermatologist’s office

this photo is like that vhs in the ring. except once you see it you don’t die in 7 days, the curse is just that you had to see it.

“THE BEST IS YET TO COME!” he’s on death’s door, confirmed.

My favorite tyrant joke: a man comes every day and peers at the front page of the newspaper without buying it. The newspaper vendor says, "what are you looking for?" "An obituary." "Obituaries aren't on the front page." "This one will be."

Before you set out on a path of revenge you should first dig two graves. One for the guy you're getting revenge on and the other for whoever is gonna show up to get revenge for that guy. There might be some quick turnaround with that second person and you don't wanna get caught mid-grave dig.

this gal got a head injury. then a toothache. then her parents were like, take a nap witch. then she fell asleep and would not wake up. then doctors were like, probably hysteria, let’s shock her. but she stayed asleep for 32 years. or she just laid in bed drinking milk. either way. what a life.

yes won’t someone think of the pollutants