truly one of the geniuses of posting

BREAKING: A Russian newspaper today — “America no longer sees our country as a threat… The US leader’s philosophy is closer to the values of Russia’s president, not the politicians of the Old World… he sees Europe as a liberal stronghold that must be destroyed…” Read that again.

This is true and I was the only one on set excited about it (and playing the song on my phone to blank stares)

1991: The United States thinks it has decisively won the Cold War against Russia. 2025: The United States' foreign policy is being dictated by Russia.

With Bardot's passing, the only named individuals in Billy Joel's We Didn't Start The Fire that are still alive are Bob Dylan, Chubby Checker, and Bernie Goetz. The last one standing will claim The Prize.

"Did you see what Mark Cuban posted? Oh did you see the clapb—" You shake yourself awake in the cold North Atlantic water. You are not online. It is July of 1858. You are a baleen whale, and you have changed your mind. The future most not come to pass. The telegraph cable must break.

Love that Noel Coward’s final movie appearance ends with this sequence.

Funny Numbers xkcd.com/3184/

We Wish You Baby, A Merry It's Cold Christmas Outside 🤝 not going until you get some

Me too Tesla robot

12YO girl signed up to do “stand up comedy” at the talent show. 13YO boy decided to heckle her. Teacher started to tell the boy to leave her alone, but the 12YO comedian said “no, no, let him go, this is the closest he’s ever going to get to having a conversation with a girl.”

What a gag this is

Dean Martin, born Dino Paul Crocetti, son of Italian immigrant Gaetano Crocetti Frank Sinatra, son of Italian immigrants Antonino Sinatra and Natalina Garavanta Merry Christmas to everyone except Stephen Miller and his enablers and handlers

women do not want men who look like Andrew Tate, we want men who look like the ghost of Christmas present in The Muppet Christmas Carol, especially when he goes silver fox mode

Happy Christmas to all you lovely people in my phone!

"George Bailey I'll love you til the day I die" goddamn I love this movie more than words can say

Presented without comment.

Imagine if *it* happened tomorrow, on Christmas Day. What a gift to us all.

Tiny Tim, who did NOT hit her. He did not. Oh hi, ghost

they don’t tell you when you buy a christmas tree at the christmas tree farm that you could take it home, decorate it, and then be relaxing in your living room seven nights later when A BAT suddenly flies out and starts CRASHING AROUND YOUR HOUSE

Remember the 1920s when nobody was left-handed

Thankful to The Beatles for making the guitar look cool when I was a little kid. Thankful to my parents for giving me a guitar and paying for a few lessons. Thankful to the guitar for enriching every day of my life ever since.

I nominate "do better" as the year's most irritating phrase. It's just so bloody entitled. Twats sitting around open jawed expecting content to be spoon-fed into their mouth, and then it's not exactly conforming to what they want, they complain from a psuedo position of higher morality. Fuck off.

Santa Tweet! Santa Tweet!

also I did enjoy the name of my uber driver home

#GVerse This is the 60 minutes preview for its episode canceled without explanation but undoubtedly because the government censors don't want you to hear about it.

its crazy to me that some musicians sell or throw out their old instruments when they get better ones I get so attached i could never, like im not gonna play it again but its emotionally valuable you know?? I even still have my first shoulder rest that got torn up by the dog

That’s the woman who said whatever that guy is saying, 5 minutes ago, but got ignored.

The Epstein Files: In Summary

Everything that they censored in the Epstein files is probably stuff that makes them look really good, and they are trying to stay humble

I learned a lot about love from records that never rushed the chorus

I actually don’t understand what’s happening here. How or why could this happen? Same joke three times in a week??

Bad day to have a large black square for a head.

Community Does Jack Shit To Make Christmas Better For Town’s Second-Poorest Family https://theonion.com/community-does-jack-shit-to-make-christmas-better-for-towns-second-poorest-family/

love starting a carol with "god rest ye merry gentlemen, let nothing ye dismay", it's the equivalent of starting a phone call with "okay so it's all fine, DON'T freak out"

My sense is that the “male loneliness crisis” is not really about addressing men’s emotional needs but rather the relatively newfound absence of having someone to perform domestic labor for you quietly in the background now that there is a longer gap between your mother and your wife doing it

That trailer for the new Animal Farm film brought to mind this banger of a tweet

We were married on this day in 1978... soulmates ever since. ❣️ #ForeverGrateful 🙏

Remember when Sherlock was a good, if problematic, show for three series? Remember how series 4 was so bad it retroactively made the entire show bad? I think about that, sometimes.

My mate Rich and I used to work in a bookshop in Croydon. He was stood behind the till when a customer asked him, "Do you keep stationery?" and he replied, "No, we move around."

Oh man, just remembered the guy who asked for Star Wars by Richard Burton & I was SO PLEASED to decode that he actually wanted War of the Worlds by Jeff Wayne, even though he sternly told me no it was definitely by Richard Burton til I showed him Burton just plays the narrator

The holy Christmas trinity: someone shat in the fitting room, someone tried to return extravagantly cum stained jeans that were from another shop & accused me of ruining Christmas because I didn’t refund her, then a guy threw a handful of Quality Street at me for not having a coat in his son’s size

"tyrannosaurus rex" is kinda one of the craziest called shots of all time if you think about it some dude in 1905 was like 'this was definitely the most badass dinosaur so I will name it as such' and 120 years of research and new discoveries keeps proving him right.

Or watch Pam Bondi lie again and say they can't release them because of new “active investigations.”

JUNKIE COLT MEDINA

How Your Private ChatGPT And Gemini Chats Are ‘Sold For Profit’

man i have never had as many stupid questions as when i worked at Lush, just thinking about it now and we really put retail workers Through It don't we

🎄

I don't think he was cowardly. I think that lion was showing the appropriate amount of fear for a grown man in fancy dress in a dodgy area.