We stay stood up as we’re shit #NoBreaks

*our lass watching me watching Kelly Brook lolling around in her swimsuit on #ImACeleb

linkin_park_jayz_numb_encore.mp3

*checks cricket BACK TO BED 🏏

“Yes, I like art”

At the Hepworth gallery this evening for a members’ only unveiling of the new exhibitions

GU’ON STOKES YA BIG SHAGGER #TheAshes

Love the names of cricket fielding positions. Like the shipping forecast #TheAshes “The bowler starts his run, round the wicket, a third. 3 slips, long-chop, a skew and mid-on. They’ve been closing the quiche nicely. A sharp prod smacks it up sharp towards deep lolly. And there’s no run. Maiden”

Fuck off Smith you maungy cheating cunt 🏏

Better 🏏

GET IN 🏏

I see the cricket is going well 🛏️

Stuck the Royle Family on 🤩

*the desk sergeant

OH MY GOD

Thursday

Morning

Good deed done for the day 😊 at the supermarket, there was a little old lady queuing in front of me with £63 of shopping but her card was declined. I was feeling generous, especially at this time of year, and you’ve got to help out so I helped her put it all back. God bless us, every one ❤️

@ohyertiz.bsky.social ey up lass 😁🙌🏻

Afternoon

Heard that if Spotify catch you playing more than 3 Adele songs in 24 hours, they alert The Samaritans???

“Jerry, they’re acoustic! Bang ‘em straight on!”

Duran Duran’s Ordinary World came on and I fell to my knees in Asda

Morning

IT’S BIN DAY

At least we can look forward to a load of confused Yanks encountering a load of pissed up Jocks

With all this excitement I cannot wait for Sunday back at Elland Road

TAKE A BOW SON

Jamie Redknapp always starting an interview with "does your wife let you see the kids?" Give it a rest, pal

Just seen Rasmus Kristensen is lining up for Denmark

Modern car headlights are designed just to blind you then are they? WANK

Morning

LADS, IT’S BIG COAT WEATHER

Tuesday

I can’t stand Ruby Wax but I don’t know why

Saw a headline this morning saying the former Prime Minister of Bangladesh is on trial for “crimes against humanity” They’ll get you for anything these days

Sometimes I just sit and think about the fact that more people have been to the moon than have won Takeshi's Castle. Mental

The Telegraph with their finger on the pulse as per usual

Morning

Monday

A pal who works in an A&E dept always amazes us with tales of ‘insertions gone wrong’ 👀😳☠️

Have just spent the thick end of 70 notes ordering towels online at Asda. 7000p on fucking TARLS

Watching Celeb and Angry Ginge is on (no I’ve no idea either) which reminds me of a little lad in our lass’ red-headed colleagues class: “Miss, my dad calls you ginge” “Is that right”

I’d love to take Kelly Brook out for a nice seafood dinner #I’mACeleb

I’m scranning lebkuchen

If I was directing The Crown, I'd be lobbing in inaccuracies LRAC just to annoy people. Diana smoking a pipe. One scene. Nobody mentions it. Box office

Sunday night fear is ramping up

🎶Tank fly boss walk jam nitty gritty, you’re listening to the boy from the Vatican City🎶