A bit more Rik 🎂

In’t wood

Morning

Suede’s best lineup: Brett Anderson (vocals), Bernard Butler (guitar), Mat Osman (bass), Simon Gilbert (drums), Stephen Fry (euphonium), Ian McKellen (kazoo), Pam St Clement (vibes).

*our lass coming down to see me scranning olives whilst making sausage sarnies

I’m just a man, trying to explain to a two-year-old what brown sauce is

I do hope Ms Spears is ok. Genuinely Sound like her grandad

On what would have been the mad bastard’s birthday Saturday

Changed the toilet seat earlier

Someone on the radio said earlier that "Britons will remain calm about evacuating Dubai" People phoned the police when KFC ran out of chicken, m8

The Lister Arms in Malham has started doing a 'Yorkshire Dales' take on afternoon tea, which sounds shit... but looks amazing

I’m not being funny but if Ms Shania Twain thinks she’s coming into my house without taking her shoes off then she’s got another thing coming. Rude #TOTP

Still not over this ngl

Don’t really know what Andrew Tate is famous for tbh (sounds like he’s an Emmerdale character?) but I’ve just seen him describe Dubai as “the best city on earth” which clearly betrays that he is not well travelled and is an incredibly thick man. Thanks

Friday

Coal Not Dole rugby is back, ladies and gentlemen 😍

I’ve just eaten 2 (two) chicken kievs and nowt else

36

Just seen Brook’s dropped catch

Outlook asking if I want AI to “summarise” emails for me I’ll just do my job and read them, thanks. Ya robot shite

Spanish PM Sánchez responds to Trump: "Spain is against this disaster... Govts are here to improve people's lives... It is absolutely unacceptable that those leaders who are unable to fulfill that mission use the smoke of war to hide their failure, and in the process, fill the pockets of a few."

Baffles me that after our form took a massive turn for the positive when we started playing with 2 big lads up front, we’ve since reverted to playing one big up front again and lost every single time we’ve done it. Makes you think #lufc

I see West Ham are winning

Wait until they find out that Jane McDonald is arriving tomorrow

Morning

I never comment on a referee and I’m not changing a habit of a lifetime for that prick #lufc

I have never witnessed a game like that before. Where do you fucking start #lufc

I see Sunderland are another set of cheating cunts then aye. It’s a dark day when the city of Newcastle has not one but TWO underhand teams. Smh #lufc

I see Sunderland are another set of cheating cunts then aye. It’s a dark day when the city of Newcastle has not one but TWO underhand teams. Smh #lufc

Oh have a look

Afternoon

Walked on Filey beach - Blown on Flamborough head

Why are we all ok with KFC serving food in a bucket?

Tuesday

Morning

Calling AI "slop" has been one of the most effective instances of the public rebranding a product and it pisses them off.

Cheltenham next week

I Miss You by blink-182 has come on and I’ve fallen to my knees in Tesco

Influencer's fleeing Dubai right now.

My favourite thing about Dubai is that the sort of arseholes who'd wank on about '15 minute cities' voluntarily went there to live in compounds.

What, like Regan did at the outset of the Falklands war? Twat

Honestly the collective national level of disdain for Brits living in Dubai on all my social media platforms today really is bringing the UK together as one in a way that's hard to achieve in the modern era.

Monday

Only just seen the pen/red card incident in the scum game today

Sunday night

Give 'er the ol

I thought she liked burning hotels.

I’ve been out pruning in the garden

Nah. Fuck Isabel Oakeshott, Tice, that rubber-faced plumber twat & all the other tax-dodging, racist hypocrite wankers over there.